What Peace Could Be
by luxurykill
Summary: Edward and Bella Cullen live together and attend Dartmouth College. Bella has been content living with Edward as a human for one year, but now she's ready to be turned. Deals with the reality of her decision. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Prologue

Prologue

_It's Monday morning, 2:37am, Edward will be back from hunting in 23 minutes and then it's showtime. Three weeks to the day I left our cramped, sad excuse for an apartment in Hanover for Florida to visit Renee and later to Forks to visit Charlie and I said my good-byes to them both without their knowledge. In the last three weeks I have felt deep despair as well as exuberance, I have cried until I fell asleep and laughed maniacally with joy. I know I am ready for what may come. _

_He will be back in 19 minutes now. We will make love one last time with me as a human then he will prepare my favorite breakfast at the perfect kitchen in our cottage. French toast, eggs and bacon. My last meal. Dead woman walking. _

_We will meet Alice at 4:00am to do my hair, make-up and wardrobe. I welcome this although it's something I would have cringed at two years ago. I want to look my best when Edward sinks his teeth into my neck, releasing his searing venom into my blood stream and sealing my fate. _

_At 4:30am I will say good-bye to my reflection in the mirror, I will lay in the makeshift hospital bed Carlisle prepared for me in the study and he will administer the morphine, Edward's hand gripped in mine. _

_At 5:00am the world will fade away for three excruciating days._

_Peace can't come soon enough._


	2. Resolve

Chapter 1 - Resolve

_I will not forget this place, our place. Our shitty one-bedroom apartment within walking distance to Dartmouth. Nothing ever works here. The washing machine that overflows every time you use it. The toilet that runs all hours of the day and night. The radiator that sputters, groans and goes cold as soon as there's snow on the ground. We don't have any proper furniture; we sleep on an air mattress and have a coffee table made of cardboard boxes. It's perfect, exactly what life is supposed to be like at 19 years old. I miss the cottage of course (especially the working heat), but this place makes me feel like I have a moderately normal life. _

"Hey babe!" the door slamming pulled me out of my reverie and I closed the journal I'd been pouring my heart into for the last two months and shoved it back under the pile of Do-It-Yourself books beside the broken furnace in the bedroom. "You home?" he asked, stomping his feet on the welcome mat outside our door, shaking the snow free.

"Back here," I called back, looking out the window over the low snow banks. I heard him slip off his shoes and hang his coat on the coat rack near the front door, our only real piece of furniture. He padded down the short hallway towards our room. I turned my head slowly and smiled as he walked through the door. "How was class?" I asked, standing to close the distance between us and giving him a hug and a quick kiss. He dropped his backpack on the floor and wrapped his arms tight around me.

"Pre-med is turning out to be surprisingly difficult. It's kind of nice though, you know, to be challenged, especially after my last degree. I admit that psychology probably wasn't the best choice for a guy who can read minds," he said with a snort. I rolled my eyes and sat on the fold out chair as he pulled his sweater over his head, readjusting his white t-shirt and walking to the closet to change out of his jeans and into his dark blue sweatpants. "And you, love, how was your day?" he asked, poking his head around the door.

"It was great. I had an exam in American History that I'm fairly certain I failed and I fell four times on the way to class and six times on the way back. Oh, and that career counselor you set me up with was a total moron. I am not cut out for law school," I said, pulling my hair between my fingers to inspect my split ends.

"Let's get started on American History then after I cook you the most amazing meal you've ever tasted." He walked back towards me, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" He crouched down in front of me, pulling my jeans up to look at my knees; they were only slightly bruised, more sensitive than anything.

"You know me, I'm fine, I'll get through it. When you're as clumsy as I am you just kind of get used to it," I said with a smile.

"Come on, clumsy girl, it's feeding time for the human," he grinned and wrapped his arm around my waist, carrying me like a ragdoll down the hall towards the kitchen. I squealed and tried unsuccessfully to pry his fingers off of me.

"Put me down!" I yelled, laughing. He ignored my protests and instead decided to annoy me further by swinging me around in his arms. I beat my hands against his arms as we both laughed. "Knock it off or no more sex!" I squeaked. He snorted in response.

"Yeah like I believe that," he chuckled and dropped me on one of the barstools left by the previous tenants. "You can't live without this," he said, shaking his hips. I rolled my eyes and attempted pushing him away.

"Please," I snorted, crossing the room to the freshly laundered clothing I'd managed to wash before the machine choked, sputtered and spurted water all over the rug in the hall. I picked up the basket and set it on the barstool I'd been sitting in previously, watching him preparing the ingredients for whatever amazing concoction he would whip up tonight. It had taken him about six months but he was finally getting the hang of cooking and was actually surprisingly good for someone who couldn't exactly taste food. "If I held out on you for more than an hour you'd be dry humping the couch."

"That may be true if we, you know, had a couch," he said with a laugh.

"I love our shitty apartment."

"I do too, I just think if we bought _some_ furniture it wouldn't be a bad thing. You know Esme is dying to come decorate for us and your mom is always good for a few pieces of hideously unappealing antiques."

I grabbed a piece of broccoli and popped it into my mouth, "I know but I want to do this ourselves you know? Like normal college kids."

"You know as well as I do that there is nothing normal about either of us," he said with a grin as he chopped basil.

"I know, but it's nice to at least pretend every now and again," I said as I started to fold the laundry. "I like our air mattress, it seems like what you're supposed to have in your first apartment."

"I suppose you're right, I just wish you'd let me find us a place a little more…hospitable," he said, motioning towards the pile of towels in front of the washing machine attempting to soak up the mess. We fell into a comfortable silence as he continued cooking and I continued folding the laundry.

"So I've been thinking…"

"That if you let me fold the laundry it would have been done an hour ago?" he said with a grin. He always tried to get me to let him take over the more mundane chores being that he could absolutely complete them in a fraction of the time it took me to do the same thing.

I smiled and shook my head, "Let it go already, dude! I _like_ folding the laundry. It makes me feel normal."

"And it gives you time to think."

"Yes and that. Which brings me back to it. I've been thinking lately that," I took a deep breath, "that I'm ready."

"Ready for what, dear?" he asked, turning the heat up on the stove.

"Ready for you to change me," I said, poised with a list of rebuttals when he would inevitably refuse. His back went rigid and he placed his stirring spoon on the counter and turned around to face me.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" His face was completely unreadable. He didn't look perturbed like I'd expected.

"About two years now…" I trailed off with a smirk.

"You know what I mean. When did you start thinking about this seriously again?" he asked, his eyes searching my face.

"I guess about two months ago, just after our first trip back to Forks to visit our families." He stood there for a moment, his eyes boring into mine, a million thoughts clearly running through his mind.

"So about two months after we moved here?" I nodded in response and stopped folding the laundry in front of me, taking a seat on the other barstool.

"Listen, I know how you feel about this but I want you to know that I have really thought about it and I know that this is what I want. I'll always feel like there's something I'm missing and I'll never feel like your total equal if we don't do this. I love you and I want to fully be a part of your life. I know what you're going to say and you're right, it is a big decision and one not to be taken lightly, but I think we're both a little beyond that argument at this point. I want this and you know how determined I am when I make a decision," I said, looking him right in the eye. "Please, Edward."

He was silent for a few minutes, his eyes still searching my face and then nodded, "Ok, then," he said and I blanched.

"What?"

"I said ok then," he said, reaching for the colander and rinsing out a head of lettuce.

"That's it?" I was in shock. This wasn't the reaction I expected in the least.

"What else is there? You've made your decision," he said, returning his gaze to mine.

"Are you upset?"

"Why would I be upset? You have to know by now that selfishly it's what I've wanted all along," he said, twisting around to turn the stove to simmer. He turned back to me and saw the surprised look on my face. "This isn't the reaction you were expecting, huh?" he said with a laugh. I shook my head slowly, trying to understand. He came around the counter and took my hands in his. "Listen, you know I can come up with a million reasons why I think this is the wrong decision but you know all of them probably better than I do. You've done the legwork, you know what to expect, we've lived together for almost a year and you know what you'll be sacrificing. You're not making a snap decision based on the hormones of a teenaged girl. You're making an informed, sober decision about your future as an individual and our future as husband and wife."

"Wow – I just – didn't expect this," I said slowly, searching his eyes. Part of me was relieved; part of me wanted him to talk me out of it. My head started to throb.

"I can start spouting off my reasons if you'd like but it would just put us back in this same place in another few months so what's the point?" he said, twisting his fingers with mine. "Look, Bella, this is what you want. And you deserve to have everything you want and more." I nodded my head, tears springing to my eyes.

"Thank you," I said softly and he smiled, leaning down to kiss me softly. "Your support is a very welcome surprise," I said as I leaned my forehead against his chest, breathing him in.

"Have you thought about when you want to do it?" he asked, pulling away from me and going back around the corner to work on my meal. It was so natural like we were talking about the latest headlines, not about him turning me into a vampire. For a minute I thought the universe might have shifted askew.

"Before my 20th birthday. I can't stand the thought of being in my 20s for eternity while you're in your teens. What will the neighbors think?" I said with a smile. He returned it and nodded his head.

"Ok so we have about a month to work out the details. That's more than enough time to prepare everything," he said more to himself than to me.

"I want to go to Florida once before…" I trailed off and he turned to look at me, a brief hint of sadness in my eyes. He nodded in agreement.

"Definitely. When do you want to go? I'll book your ticket tonight." Was I imagining it or did he actually seem excited about this?

"Won't you come with me?" I asked, realizing what he'd said.

"I think it's best if I don't. What would it look like if we go down to visit your mother and two days later we both die in a mysterious car accident or whatever happens to us," he said shaking his head. "No, I think it's best if you go alone and say your goodbyes without me having to make up excuses to stay out of the sun the entire time."

I nodded solemnly at his words. Say your goodbyes, I thought, replaying his words in my mind. I knew the sacrifice I was making and I knew in my heart that this was absolutely what I wanted, but it didn't change the fact that it made my heart feel heavy. I would miss Renee and Phil.

"Have you thought about that at all? How you want to stage your…disappearance?" he asked, clearly inserting the word disappearance in place of death.

"Not in detail, no," I said, shaking my head and looking down at my nails. "You and Carlisle will come up with something brilliant I'm sure."

"Bella, if we're going to do this you're going to have to be involved in the entire process. I want you to experience it from start to finish. It will help you cope."

"What excuse did you use?" I asked as he pushed a plate of food in front me. Suddenly I wasn't as hungry as I had been.

"It was different for me. I was already dying so Carlisle just replaced my body with someone else who had recently passed and disappeared from the hospital where he worked. We were all already dying so it wasn't hard to cover it up. You will be more difficult, there will be more theatrics," he said, moving the laundry basket off of the stool next to me and pulling it closer so he could sit beside me.

"I guess a car accident then. Everyone knows how crazy you drive, it's the most believable," I said with a smile. He chuckled and nodded, inviting me to continue. "Maybe we were taking a quiet romantic drive to the lake and a deer ran out in front of the car. You tried to swerve to miss it and you hit a tree instead." It seemed odd to talking about our fictitious death and it actually tugged at my heartstrings to think about. "Wait, what about bodies? We can't just set it all up and run."

"Don't worry about that part, I'll take care of it," he said, looking away. I shook my head.

"No, you said I had to be fully involved in this to help me grieve. I want to be a part of it all, not just the parts you think I can handle." I speared some pasta with my fork and brought it to my lips, taking a large bite. "Wow, this is really good," I said, motioning to the bowl. He smiled and squeezed my knee as I continued eating. "Really, you outdid yourself."

"Thank you," he said with a smile. "And you're right, you do need to be fully involved in this. We'll have to consult with Carlisle on the body issue. I have some ideas but I'm not sure what will work best and leave the least amount of questions." He looked like he was far away as he thought.

"Do you think everything will change when I become…like you?" I still felt strange saying the actual word since it had so little to do with our day-to-day lives.

"It's hard to say. I know I'm at least similar to how I was when I was alive and I've maintained some of the same interests but it's hard to remember this far removed from that time," he said, looking across the room. "Some things will change of course. Your appearance will probably be the most jarring to you. I didn't recognize myself after the change and it took me a while to get used to it."

"Do you think things will change between us? What if I end up like Alice and I don't remember any of my former life?" I shook my head, looking down at my empty plate.

"That won't happen to you. Alice is a special exception, definitely not the rule," he paused and ran his fingers through his hair. "Your other question is more difficult. I believe that it is inevitable that our relationship will change, but of course I can't know for certain. For one, we'll be able to make love like equals and I won't have to break furniture to control myself," he said with a smirk. "And for a time it will be mostly me teaching you about your new life so that will be different. The fundamentals will persist, I think. Will you remember who I am and that you're supposed to love me? I have to believe the answer is yes," he said but he looked somewhat doubtful. "Have you given thought to who you want to perform this?" I blinked and looked at him.

"Are you kidding?" I asked and he shook his head. "I want you to do it of course!" I said, ribbing him.

"Ok, just making sure! You never can tell with women who want to become vampires, they're usually crazy."

"Usually? Like you do this all the time," I said, rolling my eyes.

"'Going to class' is a loose term," he joked. "Have you given any thought to _how_ then?" This I had turned over in my head several different ways.

"Well, I want to be in Forks at the cottage, or the house if Carlisle would prefer I suppose, but I'd rather be in our bed." Edward nodded. "And I was thinking that maybe…it may be nice if you would do it after we made love one last time," I said with a soft smile.

"That's a lovely idea, Bella, and would absolutely be how I would most prefer to do it as well but I'm just not sure it's the best for both of us. It would be easier for me to do it with Carlisle and Alice around to stop me if I can't stop the frenzy myself."

"You'll be able to," I said, placing my hand on his chest where his heart would be. "I know you will, but I understand your concern and you're probably right anyway, and it would be nice to have the family around."

"Ok, so you'll go to Florida and see Renee and Phil and then back to Forks for a few days to spend with Charlie and the mutt – "

"You know his name, Edward," I said, giving him a look.

"_Jacob_," he over expressed the word and I smiled. "Anyone else you'd like to see? Mike Newton perhaps?" he asked irritably. I rolled my eyes and punched him lightly on the arm, inevitably hurting my knuckles more than it hurt him.

"Don't be an idiot."

"Fine, fine. What else? Last meal?"

"I'd prefer a weeklong feast if possible," I said, a list of all of my favorite foods running through my mind. "God, I'm going to miss food. What if because of my aversion to blood I end up not being able to feed on it. Can I become a vegetarian vegetarian? Like you guys only drink animal blood but I only eat hamburgers? Cooked rare of course."

He snorted and shook his head, "Doubtful, but then again you are one to always have to be different from everyone else."

"Bleck, drinking blood. What's that like anyway?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know really know how to describe it. You'll taste different things in each sample, different textures, different smells. You'll see, it's all very natural. You need food and water to survive, we need blood to survive. Tom-aye-toe, tom-ah-toe. Same thing, different form of sustenance," he paused for a beat. "I can't wait to take you hunting your first time. I think you'll really get a kick out of it. And running too. You'll finally understand why it's so ridiculous that you get so scared over it."

"I didn't even like hunting with Charlie when I was a kid and that was from far distances with a gun and I didn't have to then drop my jaw into a steaming pile of freshly killed game. Now I'm going to have to run and tackle, kill and eat. You know how uncoordinated I am, I'll starve to death."

"Trust me when I say that the clumsiness will cease after your change. You will be light as air, just fluttering along. You'll see sharp edges and things an hour before you get to them. You won't accidentally fall off the bed when you're trying to straddle me," he said with a smile, bringing up one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. To this point, anyway. I punched him in the arm again.

"You're such a jerk!" He laughed and took my fist, kissing my knuckles.

"So I suppose we should take you out and get you drunk or something, give you a proper send off." He took my fisted hand and spread my fingers, twisting his with mine.

"You guys don't need to throw me a bachelor party, really. The less fuss, the better," I said taking a sip of water he'd placed beside my plate. "There's really just one thing I'd like to do multiple times beforehand," I said standing to lean in and kiss him, standing between his legs. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back, his eyes closed tight. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine.

"I'll call Carlisle in the morning and start working out the details but I want you to know, Bella," he tipped my chin so I was looking him right in the eye, "if at any point you change your mind, that's fine. We are at your whim."

"I'd hope you know me better than that by now. My resolve is strong and I'm more stubborn than even you are some days, but I appreciate the out," I paused looking down at his lips. "Will kissing you be the same?" He shook his head and my heart sunk.

"It will be infinitely better."

"How on earth can you know that? Who were you locking lips with back in Chicago, friend? Time to fess up!" I pulled my forehead away from his but stayed in his arms, a smile playing on my lips.

"That's a fair point, I suppose I don't know what kissing feels like for you. All I know is what kissing feels like for me and it's the single most sensual feeling in the world," he brought his hand up to trace my lips with his finger. "I can feel every divot in your lips, every perfect little line. I can smell your skin, your hair, I can hear and feel your heart rate pick up when you get excited, I can taste your taste buds. I can hear every tiny little inconsequential sound you make, every deep seeded moan that doesn't make its escape. I can feel every strand in your hair when I run my hand through it and I can feel you tug on every one of my hairs when your hands are in mine." He brought his eyes back to mine and lightly pushed his lips to mine. A shiver ran down my spine. He pulled away and rested his forehead back against mine. "Divine," he uttered.

"Tell me what it's like for you to make love," I breathed, desperate to hear more. He shook his head, always the gentleman.

"You'll find out soon enough. I can show you now though," he said with a smirk. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the air mattress.


	3. Breakdown

**AN: **I'm not sure I'm going to continue this story after this chapter, I'm just not sure it's compelling enough. Please let me know your thoughts!

**Disclaimer: **I have absolute no rights to these characters.

* * *

Chapter 2 - Breakdown

_Every night I spend wrapped in Edward's cool embrace as he makes love to me is so much more than the time before. The feelings that coarse through me, the rush of love, it's almost too intense to think about. And it's alarming to hear it will be even more intense after the change. Don't forget the feel of him on your mortal body, the look on his face as he starts to climax, those little sounds he makes when you tease him. The ridiculously embarrassing way the air mattress squeaks when we move even slightly. And the way we always fall comfortably together afterwards, his arms wrapped around me, my legs tangled with his, speaking gently to each other. The way he secretly checks your body for any bruising still even though he conquered that issue months ago and the subsequent issue of breaking every piece of furniture in the cottage. _

"No, Emmett, she said she doesn't want that," Edward had been on the phone with his family all morning, walking around the apartment with his phone on speaker so I could hear the silly prattling on of his relatives as though I was some new pet they would receive soon.

"We're _totally_ throwing her a bachelor party, are you kidding? Don't you wish you would have had one? Eat all your favorite foods, drink like mad, smoke cigars, have sex with everyone you could find? I guess that last one doesn't apply to you two prudes, but still, you get my point," he paused, trying to let Edward get to the point himself. "All I'm saying is: Vegas baby!"

"Emmett, she doesn't want it, how can I make this more clear to you?" He said shaking his head and rolling his eyes. I couldn't help but laugh, shutting my journal and adjusting my body as I lie on my stomach on the air mattress, my naked body barely covered by the disorderly sheets. Edward was pacing around the house in his boxers as the phone was passed from Alice (who'd preempted him and called us first thing in the morning) to Jasper and now to Emmett. He hadn't even had the chance to talk to Carlisle, the number one person he wanted to speak with.

"Who cares? We're doing it anyway. How do you feel about male strippers?" If Emmett had been in the room, Edward would have surely wrestled him to the ground.

"Seriously? Can you please put Carlisle on the phone?" he asked, exasperated.

"Wait, am I on speaker phone? BELLA!" he yelled into the phone. "BELLA! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MALE STRIPPERS?!" I couldn't help but break into a fit of giggles at the strained look on Edward's face as he slammed the phone closed.

"What an idiot!" he barked, throwing the phone down on the bed. "You can't talk to that fool about anything serious. Eternity is a lot longer with him around," he muttered, running his hands over his face. I couldn't stop laughing. "Oh just you wait missy. Don't forget that you get to have him your life for eternity now too. He's really cute for the first three decades and then he starts to wear you down." The phone lit up next to me and I flipped it open, turning over on my back.

"Hello?" I asked, trying to regain my control. All I heard from the other end was Carlisle saying hello and then Emmett screaming "VEGAS BABY!" in the background. I couldn't stop laughing again. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle," I said, pulling myself back together. Edward was standing above my head looking down at me and listening to the conversation.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for my son's ridiculous behavior. If you don't want a party, we won't have a party, you have my word on that," he said with a smile.

"Thank you, Carlisle, I appreciate that. I know Edward has been anxious to talk to you, I'll give him the phone."

"Before you do, Bella, I was hoping I could have a word with you," he said, his voice ringing as usual.

"Of course, Carlisle," I answered, politely however hesitantly.

"First, I cannot express to you how happy I was to learn of your decision. You will unquestionably make our family complete." I smiled into the phone. Knowing that I would have Carlisle eased the pain of losing Charlie, even if it was only very slightly. "But I want you to know, if you would like to discuss it in more detail beforehand, I would be more than happy to do that for you. I am certain you have questions about the procedure itself as well as several other questions I cannot begin to fathom. Just know that we are all prepared to be your support system for the next few years as you readjust."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I do have several questions, perhaps I can speak to you in private when we get back to Forks," I said, looking up at Edward. He clicked his tongue in defiance.

"Of course, Bella," he said with a tremendous amount of warmth in his voice. Edward was fuming above me and reaching out his hand to pluck the phone from my hand.

"Edward is getting impatient, I'd better hand the phone over. I'll see you soon and thanks again, Carlisle." He said goodbye and I handed the phone to Edward.

"Speak in private?" he asked before putting the phone to his ear. I just shook my head, rolling off the air mattress and steadying myself on the wall to stand up, stretching my aching muscles. Edward stared at my nude body then bolted for the door. "Carlisle?" he asked as he exited. I got dressed quickly and joined him in the kitchen. He was cooking breakfast, his phone crushed between his ear and shoulder and he was speaking so low I couldn't make out a single word. I sat at the counter and sipped the glass of orange juice he'd placed there. After another fifteen minutes of talking to Carlisle in hushed mutters, he clicked the phone back on speaker so Esme could tell me how excited she was at my decision and that my place in their family was set either way. I thanked her and Edward snapped the phone shut, focusing his attention on the eggs before him.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" I asked, a little perturbed at the way he'd chosen to speak to Carlisle, clearly blocking me from hearing the words that passed between them. He turned around slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? I mean your obvious attempt at keeping me out of the loop on my own fate. What were you and Carlisle discussing? I'm fairly certain I have a right to know." Edward pushed the plate of eggs, bacon and toast in front of me and I pushed it away. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"We were discussing…" he paused and looked away, "ways to make it not hurt as atrociously as it hurt the rest of us. The searing pain of the venom is hideous and I don't want you to have to experience that if at all possible. Carlisle can get his hands on some morphine so we're going to try that." He looked back towards my face, his expression serious, "I'm going to make you as comfortable as possible, I promise you that." I could sense there was more so I waited, not eager to have him stop talking. He took a deep breath and continued. "Also, Carlisle feels it's important to do a psychoanalysis on you before the procedure."

"WHAT?!" I yelled, jumping up from the barstool. "Carlisle thinks I've finally lost my mind? I've been living with a vampire for a year and _now_ he thinks I'm crazy?" I was fuming, this was the kind of nonsensical overprotective garbage I'd come to expect from Edward but Carlisle was always the voice of reason, the one who always backed me up. Hell, he was ready to change me a year and a half ago. Why the sudden change?

Edward shook his head, "I know, it's completely unreasonable but he wants to just be certain that you're thinking clearly about all of this. I told him that it was preposterous and that since I concurred with you that we were both ready but he wasn't having it. He's just being overly cautious, he doesn't think you've gone crazy, he just wants to be sure you're in the right frame of mind to be making this decision."

"It doesn't matter what Carlisle thinks, all that matters is what you and I think. Do I _look_ like I've gone stark-raving mad?" I asked, my hands clenched into fists.

"At this particular moment in time or…?" he said with a snort. I wasn't ready to laugh. "Of course you don't look crazy, a little fanatical with rage perhaps, but not crazy. Anyway, you know Carlisle, he's just being skeptical because he hasn't seen us in two months and he probably thinks I've done some brainwashing in that time. Once you get in front of him he'll see how incredibly sober and levelheaded you have been and he'll get on board. Until then, we'll just play along," he said and my body started to unclench as I sat back on the barstool, still too annoyed to eat. "I'll go get the Rorschach test so we can get started," he said with that infectious half smile.

"I'm fairly certain I'll only see vampires, fangs, and eternal damnation in all of the cards," I deadpanned and we both laughed together, the tension of the conversation lifting considerably. I picked up my fork and took small bites. "This is amazing too. Damn, you're just coming into your own as a cook and now I'll be feasting on the blood of wild boars for eternity."

"Yeah, but at least we'll finally be able to share a meal together," he added with a smile.

"That's actually a very nice thought." And my mind wandered to a clearing in the forest, Edward and I leaning over the same carcass of a mountain lion, our hands gripped together, looking lovingly at each other as blood ran down our chins. My stomach lurched and I put my fork down, shaking my head.

"So, timeline," he said, grabbing the calendar off the wall.

"Timeline!" I exclaimed, our sad little weekly ritual of planning out the week ahead. Of course this timeline wouldn't be filled with tests and dates but instead with the end of my life. Edward pulled the cap off the sharpie and circled my birthday first so we could work backwards. "No pencil this time, huh?" I asked, a little surprise in my voice. We always timeline'd in pencil just in case something changed but I guess in this instance nothing was going to change.

"Oh, that was a little presumptuous of me, huh?" he said with a laugh and reached for the junk drawer, trying to pry it open. The stupid thing barely ever opened without a screwdriver and even Edward had trouble opening it.

"No, it's fine. Sharpie is fine," I said, steadying my breathing. Edward stopped prying and looked at me, asking me with his eyes if I was sure. I just nodded. Of course I was sure, but the permanent marker just made it seem you know, permanent.

"Do you have a specific date picked out?" he asked, running the end of the Sharpie along the dates leading up to my birthday.

"I've always hated Mondays, I guess we can do it then so I'll miss it. Plus, then I'll come back around right before my birthday and that might be nice. That is if I remember my birthday or who I am or why I should care," I said, forcing a smile. This was all very strange to be so excited and so glum over the same thing. It's not that I wasn't sure this is what I wanted, of course it was, but the finality of it was still a bit overwhelming and the unanswered questions were frightening.

"Darling, you're going to remember, trust me," he said, reaching across the counter to cup my cheek in his hand. "And if for some reason you don't, I'll be there to help you remember. And you have your journals. It will all be fine, I promise. But, if you wanted to wait a bit longer I would understand…"

"No," I said firmly. "No, I'm ready, I want this." He searched my eyes and then nodded his head. "So turn me on Monday and we'll be toasting goat's blood to celebrate my 20th birthday by the end of the week." He smiled and shook his head and brought the sharpie to the calendar and paused. "What? Monday doesn't work for you? You have another soul to steal that day?" He laughed and shook his head.

"I'm just not quite sure what to write here," he said looking in my eyes. "I don't want to get too morbid or romanticize it too much. I could just draw a star or something."

"A star to signify my death? I don't think so, we can come up with something at least mildly poetic, I'm sure." I was thrilled that we were able to be ourselves and joke our way through this. "I've got it," I said and walked around the counter, taking the sharpie from his hand and writing the word 'Peace' in the box. He wrapped his arm around my waist and squeezed me to his body. In the box for Wednesday, presumably the last day of my transformation, I wrote 'Eternity.' "There," I said pulling back and looking at my work. "I thought you were supposed to be the eloquent one, Cullen," I said, poking him in the side. He grabbed my finger and held my hand. I looked up at him and his stare was intense as he leaned down to press his lips against mine, his eyes severe. No other words were needed, the jokes were over, I was his for eternity and he was mine. He pulled back and his gaze was full of the deep love he held for me. I couldn't help but smile tenderly and I blushed, looking away from him.

"I'll miss that," he said, running his finger across my reddened flesh. "You're so cute when you blush I could die again." I smiled and turned my face back to his and kissed his fingertips. I pulled my eyes away and back to the calendar.

"So, death date and rebirth date taken care of. We need to schedule Florida and the date to return to Forks," I said, hovering over the calendar, Edward stood behind me, one arm on either side of me rest on the counter and his chin resting on the top of my head.

"And we'll have to come back here, too," he added.

"Why?" I turned my head to look at him.

"It's not as though we go back to Forks to visit your dad and that's it. We have to come back to keep up the illusion that we're going back to school where the car accident takes place. And then of course we have to stage the accident."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. How long do you think we'll need to be back here before the accident? I mean how much preparation time do we need?"

"Not much, just enough so our friends can see that we made it back and then probably only a day to mangle the car and acquire and set the bodies." A chill ran down my spine, this conversation took a severe turn into morbid. "Sorry, too much?" he asked, running a hand down my arm. I shook my head.

"No, I need to hear it. It's just hard to get used to I guess, talking about dead bodies and all. Did you talk to Carlisle about that?" He shook his head and I dropped it. "Okay so assuming I spend a week in Florida and then another week in Forks with Charlie plus travel time between everything and time to come back here and pack and set the stage…"

"Pack? What are you planning to pack?" he asked, moving his body to rest against the counter beside me. I waved my hand around the apartment.

"All of our worldly possessions. The cardboard coffee table and the air mattress," I said sarcastically. He shook his head.

"Babe, we can't pack everything up and move it somewhere and then die. You'll have to leave everything. Well, I guess not _everything_ just stuff that would keep people believing that we were just going for a drive with every intention of coming home. I guess Carlisle and Esme can claim as much stuff as possible when they come to indentify us but I'm sure your parents will take most of your stuff."

"Oh," I said, a pang of guilt threatening to make tears spill out of my eyes. "I guess…yeah…that makes sense."

"Your parents would understand if you could tell them," he said, squeezing my hand.

"I doubt that," I muttered, my eyes staring at the floor. "I know this is right, this is what's best for us but it just makes me feel terrible for not telling them. I wish there was a way to have it all." I was silent as I thought about them, Renee and Charlie. They'd given me life, created me in love, however short lived that love was, and here I was choosing death. Edward was probably half right though I wouldn't admit it. Renee would likely understand if I could tell her. She was a hopeless romantic. She loved Edward like a son. She would understand, I had to believe that. Charlie would have me committed and put Edward in front of a firing squad. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts and smiled at Edward. I could tell he was trying his damnedest to hear my thoughts, a habit I wondered if he'd ever grow out of. "I'm fine," I smiled.

"Bella if – "

"Don't, Edward," I said, putting a finger to his lips. "I know I can change my mind and I'll let you know if I do. Stop offering." He nodded his head, his eyes searching mine. I looked back at the calendar. "So I guess I should probably get to Florida as soon as possible. I'll call Renee now to make sure she'll be in town. That would be just my luck."

"I wasn't going to tell you you had an out," Edward said meekly. I turned to look at him, placing the phone back on the counter.

"What?"

"Before, I wasn't going to give you an out. I was going to say you should let yourself cry, you need to let yourself grieve the loss of your human life, that's why we're going through all of this. I could just grab you now and do it and we could run away and never be heard from again. But this is better, this gives you time to let it all go, something the seven of us never had the chance to do. I know you're strong, Bella, but please don't think you need to put up a front for me. I know this is hard. Your circumstances are night and day different than mine were but I still understand the feeling of loss and you need to let yourself feel that." I blinked, shocked at his words.

"Edward, I – "

"You don't need to explain, just promise me you'll be completely honest with yourself and with me," he said, pushing a stray hair behind my ear and kissing my forehead. "I'm going to look up flights. You should write in your journal a little, or read, or listen to music, or eat, or something that makes you feel as human as possible." I nodded my head as he walked down the hallway towards our bedroom to get his laptop.

I didn't feel the tears until I was doubled over, heaving and crying uncontrollably.


	4. Goodbye

**AN:** Thanks to the two very warm and fuzzy comments I got on this (and my own curiosity in the story line) I decided to write another chapter to this bad boy. Please comment if you're enjoying it and I'll try to keep it going. If everything ends up how I see it happening in my mind, the story will be about seven chapters total when I'm done. There will be some racy parts coming (if you've read my one shots, you know I love to write that!). Also, I just kind of wrote this, gave it the once over and threw it up here. If there are huge glaring typos I apologize. I will edit it more tomorrow but I really wanted to get it up tonight.

**Disclaimer:** I have no rights to these characters.

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Chapter 3 – Goodbye, Part 1

_The sun on my skin feels incredible. It didn't strike me until I stepped off the plane this morning in Jacksonville that this may be my last chance to openly walk down the beach with the noonday sun overhead, heat radiating off of my body. I won't forget the feeling of closing my eyes and turning my face towards the sun, the light breeze cooling the sweat that prickles up on my skin. I'll be able to be in the sun in private in my new life but I can't imagine it will feel like this. _

"It feels good out here, doesn't it?" Renee asked, walking through the back porch onto the patio of the new home she shared with her husband Phil. Phil's pay raise was a welcome surprise to them both as he worked his way up in minor league baseball. He had made a name for himself in those circles and Renee was convinced he'd be playing for the Boston Red Sox soon. Phil had shrugged that off but I knew secretly he hoped she was right.

"Mmm," I nodded as she sat in the lounge chair next to me. I closed my journal and turned to face her, readying myself for the onslaught of questions what would inevitably rain down upon me.

"How's Dartmouth? How's Edward? What's your place like? Tell me all about your friends and your professors. What's the gossip?" she gushed and I couldn't help but smile. I would likely get through two answers at best before she jumped in with a story of her own and took control of the conversation. It wasn't that she didn't care about the answers to her questions but that her overactive mind could never sit still long enough to get to them all.

"Dartmouth is great mom and Edward is fantastic as always." She squealed with delight.

"Tell me everything about him!" she squeaked with a wide grin.

"Mom, you _know_ everything about him," I said with a smirk. We talked nearly every other day; there couldn't possibly be anything more she needed to know.

"I know, but what is your life like together? What do you do for fun? Have you talked about having kids? Phil and I talked about it and I don't think we're going to. I already have you, what more could I ask for? Besides, Phil had a vasectomy during his first marriage so I don't really see the point of trying to reverse it especially since I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore and who knows if a pregnancy would even take now, you know? But grandchildren, now _that _would be fun!" She smiled warmly at me and I felt my stomach turn ever so slightly. This was the first time she'd brought it up and it hurt me to know that she would never have grandchildren by me. In two and a half weeks I'd be dead. "And just _think_ of the gorgeous children you would have with Edward. Oh my word," she clicked her tongue and shook her head. "I can't even imagine how beautiful they would be. His flawless features and your amazingly soulful eyes. The child would likely be born as a 35 year old like the two of you!" I forced a smile and looked away over the back porch and to the small beach behind her house. I swallowed hard to suppress the knot in my stomach that was swelling by the second. This week would be harder than I ever could have imagined.

"No, we haven't really thought about it much. We're both so young, you know," I said, watching the waves crash along the shore in the distance. I couldn't stand to look at her as I lied bold-faced. He couldn't have children and soon I couldn't either and that was that. I heard her sigh beside me.

"You're much smarter than I was at your age, that's for sure. Of course I can't complain, I ended up with the best daughter on the planet," she paused for a moment and I looked back towards her. Her eyes were welled up with tears as she looked at me. My heart clenched. So much harder than I could have ever imagined. "You have no idea how proud of you I am." A silent tear rolled down her cheek and she shook her head, wiping it quickly away. "This week isn't about me getting emotional, it's about having fun with my daughter!"

For a split second I had the urge to tell Renee everything. The real reason I ended up in a hospital in Phoenix two years ago, why Edward stayed indoors all the time when we visited her and Phil, the real reason Edward and I would never have children, an explanation as to why I would soon turn up dead in a car accident. But I couldn't. The words were rightfully trapped deep inside of me. I wouldn't risk the future of my new family for anything.

Instead I stared at Renee unblinking for longer than was necessary. I studied her face, memorizing every deepening wrinkle, every wisp of mousy brown hair, the twinkle in her eye as she smiled at me and the immense feeling of calm and home I felt as I sat beside her. I swallowed hard again and cleared my throat, turning my face forward. I wished Edward had come, somehow I imagined this would be easier if he were beside me.

"I would have loved to see Edward," Renee said softly, half correctly interpreting my far away look. I nodded and smiled weakly, turning back towards her.

"He would have loved to have come but he had to head back to Forks early," I said, stopping short of coming up with a false reason behind his not coming with me. There were enough lies, I decided. I would just skip the opportunity for another one.

"Someday soon I'll have to come back up and see Carlisle and Esme and the family again. And Jasper," she said with a far away look. Renee had developed a crush on Jasper which was really his own doing as he'd used his ability to calm a room a little too pointedly on her leaving her dazed as she stared at him almost drunk with serenity. Being a person who was always going a million different directions, the feeling must have been especially welcome.

"I know they would really like that," I said with a smile, knowing full well that they would see each other much sooner than she thought. An image of her crying into Jasper's shoulder as she stood over my coffin nearly forced tears out of my eyes but I shook my head and stood up abruptly. Renee's head snapped up too look at me, her hand coming up to shield the sun from her eyes. "I need to call Edward," I explained, hurrying toward the sliding glass door.

The air conditioning hit me as I rushed to the back of the house, eager to get to my phone. Edward was in Forks, that hadn't been a lie but his reason for being there was a lie by omission. He was working with Carlisle and the family, trying to come up with the least painful method for my transformation and tying up any loose ends.

As soon as I got to the guest room ("_your_ room" Renee would have corrected) I shut the door and leaned against it, tears rolling down my cheeks. This was so very much harder than I ever could have anticipated. I stood there for a second, my body shaking lightly as the tears continued to come. My cell phone rang from across the room so I peeled my back off the door and walked across to get it. The caller ID flashed with Edward's name so I flicked it open.

"Hey baby," I said, trying to disguise the pain in my voice. He would know I'd been crying of course, he always knew. "I was just about to call you." I sniffled and wiped my sleeve under my eyes.

"Alice told me. Are you OK, love?" he asked, concern melting with every word that left his mouth. I nodded slowly before my mouth caught up with the movement.

"I'm fine. It's just – harder than I thought it would be. I'll be fine though," I sniffled again and sat on the edge of my bed. "Renee misses you and so do I of course. I wish you had come."

He sighed heavily and I knew he would be running his fingers through his hair. "I know, I miss you too, love, but this time with Renee is good for you. And Carlisle and I are making good progress here. We've come up with something that may help the pain even more than the morphine would but, well, I don't really know how you'll feel about it. I'm not even sure how I feel about it yet."

I flopped onto my back on the mattress. Somehow the familiarity of the conversation, as morbid as it was, was calming my nerves. I think it was Edward's smooth velvety voice more than anything else. "Hit me," I said, a small smile in my voice.

"It's not exactly legal," he hedged, "but it is kind of ironic."

"If you say human blood, so help me God Edward Cullen." He laughed into the phone and giggled with him.

"No, nothing quite that morbid. Not yet anyway," he paused and took a breath. "Have you ever heard of diacetylmorphine?" I wracked my brain, trying to remember why that sounded familiar. Maybe I'd seen it in one of Edward's open pre-med textbooks lying around the apartment. I couldn't place it. "You'd know it by its more common name. Heroin." I was silent for a moment. Did my husband just ask me to do heroin? "I know it's an alarming thought but it would diminish the pain to next to nothing and may make the three days actually somewhat enjoyable. Of course we're not exactly sure the exact effect it may have but then we're not sure about a lot of things pertaining to your transformation." He paused, waiting for a reaction but I still didn't quite know what to say. "I promised I would make this as painless as possible for you and this may be our best shot."

I knew he was coming from the right place with this idea and that undoubtedly he and Carlisle had debated the point to the brink of exhaustion but I couldn't wrap my head around it. "I don't think I want to go out of this world as a heroin junky. I'm a pretty tough cookie; I think the morphine will do just fine. Whatever you think though of course," I threw in for good measure, knowing full well that the idea would be dropped now since I hadn't had the reaction he needed in order to proceed. "You always said I was your favorite brand of heroin and now you want me to find my own," I said with a smile, shaking my head.

"Ironic, huh?" he asked with a laugh. "Listen, we have a lot of work to do here still. Go back downstairs and visit Renee, you know how she misses you."

"I know. She asked me if we were planning to have children." I hadn't planned on telling him, but I had to, it had been the most heart-wrenching conversation I'd ever had. His end of the phone was completely silent to the point I started to get uncomfortable, certain that I'd upset him. "I told her though, you know, that we're young. And we're enjoying being married. So…she let it go. Said she was proud of us for being smart," I stammered, wishing I could put the words back in my mouth.

He still didn't say anything and the line was so quiet I had to ask if he was still there. When he answered his voice was barely above a whisper and I had to strain to hear him. "I'm here. It's just – that – I don't know how to…even if you didn't…I couldn't…and – if it's something you want you should – you know…you should maybe think about that a little bit more before – well, you know…" His voice sounded horribly strained, riddled with remorse and regret.

"Hey, that's not what I meant," I said softly, sitting back up on my bed and shifting the phone. "You know I've come to peace with that long ago. I want you; you're more than everything I need. It was just the hardest conversation I've ever had, kind of came out of left field you know? I shouldn't have told you, it was just jarring."

"I just wish more than anything that I had the ability to give you…that…" he said just as meekly as before.

"Even if you could I still wouldn't want to have a kid right now so the point is moot," I was desperate to alleviate the tension and lighten his spirits. He was eerily quiet even for him. "Edward you have to snap out of it, babe. I'm fine, I don't want a child. If I did I would tell you and I don't. We've discussed this at length and it doesn't have any bearing on my decision. You would be the only person I would ever want to mother a child with and since that's not an option, it's silly to even talk about it." He was still silent and I could only imagine the mental flogging he was giving himself. "Think of it this way: let's say we were a normal boring run-of-the-mill young married couple trying to have a kid. Let's say we tried and tried and it didn't work and then we found out my ovaries weren't working and I wasn't capable of having children, would you run out and knock up some woman to fulfill that desire? No. You would carry on loving me just the same and we would make our life together, just the two of us."

"I know. I just…"

"Edward, I know my heart and it's fine. We're both well aware by this point that life would be a lot easier if we were on equal footing and that's what we're focused on now. We're focused on making me equal with you so we can live our lives together fully. I love you and that's all there is for me." He sighed softly into the phone. "I wish I could kiss you right now and prove it to you, prove my love for you. Show you."

"It sounds like you're ramping up to phone sex," he chided gently, his express grief not lifting completely but being shoved aside for the time being. He would never get over the fact that he couldn't give me children and I had to accept that I could never make him understand my position.

"If that would make you see reason, I'd be more than happy to give it a whirl," I said with a grin, thankful that the tension had dissipated at least for the moment. I had a feeling that the next two and half weeks would be riddled with those types of conversations.

He groaned softly into the phone and I couldn't help but smirk. Even vampire men were easily distracted by sex. "Call me back after Renee goes to sleep," he said throatily.

"Anything that turns you on like that is worth a shot," I whispered into the phone. "Listen I need to get going. I'll call you back tonight. Promise."

"Come to Forks now," he growled. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sit tight for four more days and I'm there. Love you."

"Love you too. Call me later."

"Will do. Goodbye, love," I said, a small smile playing lazily on my lips as I shut the phone. Even clear across the country he still had the ability to dazzle me.

---

The next four days flew by with Renee parading me around Jacksonville, introducing me to all of her new friends, all of Phil's teammates and everyone we ran into. It was sweet of course but far more than I was comfortable with. I hated people making a fuss over me and that's exactly what every single group did. They wanted to hear about Edward, every boring detail of our ridiculously mundane fake life that I had to create and recreate every time someone asked (the reality would have been more than they could handle). Thankfully I had photos of him on my cell phone and that was usually enough to distract the women long enough to change the subject. The men weren't as easy to shake off although their interest was focused on Edward's car collection rather than my relationship. Luckily I also had a picture of the Aston Martin on my phone, which had the same effect on men as Edward's photo did on women.

I woke up early my last morning in Jacksonville and laid in bed staring at the ceiling for a while, my hands folded behind my head, my mind going a million miles an hour. I knew the phone would ring soon; Edward would have Alice check on when I woke up. Until then, my mind wandered. I thought about Renee and Phil, how great they were together and how happy I was for Renee to have found someone like Phil. She clicked with him in a way that I doubted she ever did with Charlie. Charlie and Phil were different people; Phil was definitely more her equal. Renee had left her former life with Charlie in search of someone more her equal. I was leaving my former life with the desire to make myself Edward's equal. Somehow the comparison comforted me. Everything had worked out correctly for Renee. She was whole, she had someone that could balance her out or egg her on depending on the mood, and she did the same for him.

It didn't change the tightening that had started four days ago in the pit of my stomach. Today I would board a plane to Seattle and I would say my final goodbye to Renee. I would be able to see her again but I could never talk to her, we could never be the same. The feeling of overwhelming depression at the though weighed heavily and tears snuck out the sides of my eyes, rolling down my face and onto the pillow behind my head. I was reassured knowing that Phil could take care of Renee for me now; she didn't depend on me like she once had. I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with this if that wasn't the case. If I'd met Edward five years ago I doubt I would have even let myself go enough to be with him let alone make a life-ending decision to stay with him for eternity.

I could hear Renee open her bedroom door, the bottom of her robe brushed against my door as she leaned her head against the wood to hear if I was awake or not. I kept perfectly still, not wanting her to walk in and see me with tears rolling down my cheeks. She moved down the hallway and I could faintly hear here banging around in the kitchen, making more noise than was necessary in an obvious attempt to get me up to hang out with her. I smiled slightly and the phone rang beside me.

"Good morning, love," I breathed, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"How are you?" he asked, his satin voice ringing through the phone. I smiled wide, drinking in the sound of his voice and my tears subsided. I would miss Renee but what I was giving up seemed like a small sacrifice compared to what I would receive.

"I love you so much." The words crushed their way out of my mouth and I could hear him chuckle on the other end of the line.

"I love you too," he said with a smile. "I can't wait to see you tonight. Charlie has to work late so I'll meet you at the airport and drive you to his house but then I will disappear for a couple of days and stay out of your way so you can spend some quality time with him. He misses you terribly, Bella, and he's thrilled you're coming home." My heart lurched, a fresh pain replacing the serene place I'd made for my acceptance of losing Renee and Phil.

"I want you to stay with me the whole time. This week has been tougher than I thought it would be. I'm exhausted and I miss you." My cheeks burned as my words caught in my throat.

"I miss you too but I still have a lot of work to do. I'll come and stay with you every night like when we were in school, although this time Charlie will be aware of it since we're married and live together. He can't really forbid me to stay with you."

"Trust me, he'll try to find a way," I said with a laugh and sat up, stretching my arms above my head, I pushed the covers back and swung my feet around, placing them on the floor. "I should probably get ready and head downstairs, Renee has been up for twenty minutes so I'm sure she'll be banging on my door any second."

"How are you feeling today? About everything…" he trailed off but I knew what he was getting at and I smiled, my heart filling up and all I could feel was love and peace.

"Happy." He was silent for a beat, trying to interpret my response. "Not the response you were looking for?" I teased.

"I was expecting apprehensive or hesitant. Not _happy_." He was silent again, and I heard a door swing open and close on his end. The only person in that household that made noise when they moved was Emmett. It didn't come naturally of course; he just chose to make as much noise as possible. I knew our conversation would be coming to an abrupt halt any second.

"I'm very at peace this morning," I said as I stood and walked across the room to look at myself in the mirror and the reflection looking back at me actually did look happy and peaceful. I smiled wider, my heart feeling light. "I can't wait to see you."

He was quiet for another beat before answering, "Likewise, love."

"BARF!!!" Emmett yelled in the background. "Edward, did you tell her yet? About the – " but someone was muffling Emmett's words, likely Edward himself.

"I have to go take care of this situation. Have a great day with Renee and Phil and I'll see you tonight, Bella," Edward said, struggling with Emmett with his free hand. I couldn't help but laugh, my heart swelling further still at the thought of being a part of that family for eternity.

"Love you, Edward," I breathed, my grin plastered across my face as I clicked the phone shut.

I stared at myself in the mirror; half expecting my wide smile to dissipate rapidly with the loss of Edwards' silken voice but the beam remained long after we hung up. Today would be without a doubt one of the hardest days of my life, but starting with this feeling of lightness of righteousness, I knew I would make it through. I felt like I was going to explode and coat everyone around me in happiness. This was right, this was my story and this is how it was supposed to end. I would say goodbye to Renee and Phil and it would hurt and I would cry and I would be inconsolable as I flew to Seattle but I would be at peace in my heart because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was right. This was the inevitable conclusion to my human life and the inevitable plot twist in my relationship with Edward.

I shrugged into my robe and threw my bedroom door open, my smile still spread across my features as I padded down the hallway towards the kitchen. Renee was there scrambling eggs in a big bowl and one look at her face my heart sink. She looked like she was crying.

"Good morning, Bella," she said, smiling weakly at me. "With a smile that wide I would have thought Edward snuck into your room last night but that can't be the case." She sniffed hard, wiping her face brusquely and turning her face away, trying to hide her emotion. She was sad I would be leaving today. If she only knew.

"I just got off the phone with him, I guess I'm just still excited from talking to him," I mumbled, sitting at the counter and sipping the orange juice she slid in front of me.

"I'm so happy you're happy, Bells. You truly deserve it," she said warmly, her face still turned away from me.

"Mom, are you okay?" I asked softly. She nodded her head quickly and walked to the stove, dumping the scrambled eggs into the pan perched on the smooth top.

"I'll just miss you so much, that's all. Stupid mom stuff," she said turning to me and giving me a meek smile. "But I'm glad you'll be spending some time with Charlie. I know he misses you terribly even with Sue around." I'd almost forgotten all about Sue Clearwater, Charlie's girlfriend. They'd grown close after the death of her husband and one of Charlie's best friends. Having Sue there would make it easier for me to have Edward around.

My heart lurched and again I waited for the remorse and dread to fill me, the feeling that I was deceiving my own mother, but it never came. I felt sad of course but the feeling was nowhere as intense as it had been the rest of the week.

"Where's Phil?" I asked, hopefully changing the subject. I couldn't bear to think of what a wreck Renee would be in two weeks. Just two weeks.

"He has batting practice this morning. He was going to try to get out of it but I told him to go so we could spend some more time together, just the two of us," she said with a warm smile. "He'll be back later so we can both take you to the airport." I nodded as she scooped the eggs into a bowl and placed them on the mat between the two barstools. She came around and sat beside me, scooping some eggs onto my plate before doing the same for her.

The day flew by at an alarming speed and before I could comprehend what had happened I was in the backseat of Phil's SUV, watching Jacksonville whoosh by the windows. I had to admit it was a pretty enough city, especially out where they lived but I could never live there. Not that Forks was much better, or Hanover for that matter, but Jacksonville was just a world all its own and not representative of the rest of Florida from what I'd heard.

We pulled up at the airport and Renee insisted that they walk me inside and watch me as I go through security. I was hoping for a quick hug and kiss at departures, thinking the truncated goodbye would ease the pain even only slightly. Phil pulled my luggage out of the back of the car and walked behind Renee and I, Renee's arms slung around me.

"You call me as soon as you land in Forks, you got me?" she said sternly, attempting the mom voice she so infrequently impersonated. I nodded solemnly.

My stomach felt like it was in my throat as we walked through the automatic doors and into the blindingly white terminal. We made our way to the check in counter and stood in line. I stared at Phil and then Renee, taking in every line of their faces, committing them both to memory. I would remember them, I had to. And I would miss them terribly. I felt dizzy as the woman behind the counter took my bags and handed me my boarding pass. Goodbye Jacksonville. Goodbye Phil. Goodbye mom. I couldn't stop the tears as they slid down my cheeks but I brushed them away quickly, eager to not let them see.

"Take care, kiddo," Phil said, pulling me into a tight hug and holding me there. It was almost like he knew to take special care to say goodbye but I pushed that thought from my mind knowing it was crazy. "Tell that husband of yours he still owes me a rematch. I still can't believe he beat me at my own sport! That Cullen's got an arm on him though…" he trailed off and I smiled warmly, thinking of the last time Edward had come with me to Jacksonville right before a hurricane was supposed to come through which provided a welcome grey pavilion to the city. He'd tried as hard as he could to let Phil win the baseball game but he couldn't slow his reactions enough and ended up winning in a landslide.

"I'll tell him," I said softly, hugging Phil again. His hug was softer this time; I'd caught him off guard with my show of emotion. Phil pulled away and smiled and stepped back. Renee had tears rolling down her cheeks when she looked at me.

"I'll miss you, Bella," Renee breathed, pulling me into her arms and resting her head on top of mine. She rocked me softly against her like I was a baby and my arms instinctively wrapped tight around her. I wanted to breakdown in a heap of tears in her arms but I couldn't allow myself to do it. They would for sure be suspicious then. I would say goodbye and then find the closest airport bathroom and hide there until it was time to board my flight.

"I'll be back soon," I lied. I didn't know what else to say. My insides were completely knotted it up and all I could focus on was not howling with grief in the middle of the airport. She nodded against me and released me, holding me at arms length to look into my eyes.

"Give our best to Edward and Charlie," she said, probing my eyes with hers. I felt the desire to give in again and tell her everything, but I kept my composure, staring just past her and to the wall behind her. I had to be blank, I had to plow through this and get on the plane. I would feel better when I saw Edward.

The pit of my stomach churned as I hugged her again, clinging on tighter than I meant to and a few stray tears edged their way between my lids and down my cheeks. This was it. The final goodbye. I would board the plane and I would not be Renee's daughter anymore. I would never be able to hold her like this again. I would never be able to cry on her shoulder. I would never have my mom, my sense of home, of comfort. I would of course come back and see her but I would have to watch her from afar with detached affection.

I pulled away from her, grabbing my bag off the floor and turning to leave. I squeaked out one final goodbye but didn't look back. I headed straight towards the security checkpoint, never looking back. Never looking back.

As soon as I was through I launched myself into the nearest restroom and threw up in the toilet, dry heaving as tears crushed down my face. A couple women asked if I was okay and I didn't answer, I couldn't talk, I could barely breathe. My phone rang in my pocket and I looked at the caller ID. It was Edward. I couldn't answer but just seeing his name flash in front of me made me calm down infinitesimally and I moved to the sink, splashing cold water on my face. Once my tears became just a leak of water down my cheeks and not full body convulsions, I looked at myself in the mirror, looked down at my wedding band, thought of Edward. My husband. My life for eternity. That same swell of peace crept back into my chest and I mustered up all my courage and left the bathroom stall and boarded the plane.

When I landed in Seattle Edward was waiting for me, an incomprehensible look etched on his perfect face. My smile fell instantly.

"We need to talk," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the terminal.

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	5. Butterfly Wings

**AN: ** This is nowhere near what I had in mind when I started writing this story but here we go! I was listening to "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by the Smashing Pumpkins when I wrote this so sorry if it's too angsty. The song starts off with the lyrics "the world is a vampire," what do you expect from me? Anyway, please leave your comments, I'd love to get your thoughts.

Oh and be **warned**, it gets a little sexually explicit in this chapter. In a totally hot way of course.

**Disclaimer: ** I have no rights to these characters.

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Chapter 4 – Butterfly Wings

_This flight is excruciatingly slow. Saying goodbye to mom and Phil was overly exhausting but I can't sleep. My mind is heavy and my heart is twisted in my chest. I just need to see Edward. This flood of emotions is confusing but someday soon I'll miss these human feelings, this deep compassion I feel for Renee's life in two weeks when she gets the news of my death. I can't think about it. The ground is getting closer so I'm assuming we'll be landing any minute and then I'll see Edward, my life preserver through this._

I zipped my journal up in my backpack and shoved it back beneath the seat in front of me, resting my head against the headrest and taking a deep breath. The captain came on then and announced our final descent into Seattle, Washington. Almost home. Before I knew what happened I felt someone shaking me awake and I opened my eyes to see the exuberant face of the male flight attendant standing over me.

"Wake up, darling, we're home!" he cooed and I shook my head, looking around me. Mostly everyone had exited the plane already. I smiled at him and grabbed my backpack, pushing my way down the aisle. Home. Edward. I wanted to run off the plane. My face broke into an insane grin as I walked up the jet way, gripping the strap of my backpack tightly in my hand. As soon as I was out I saw his face. I was thankful for his ability to charm the pants off the security workers and get back to greet me here. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him but he had an incomprehensible look etched on his perfect face. My smile fell instantly.

"We need to talk," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the terminal. His grip was too tight and I fought helplessly against him.

"Edward you're scaring me!" I urged but he kept up his pace, marching us past the security checkpoint, past baggage claim and out the front door into the cold night. "I have luggage!" I exclaimed trying to wrench my arm from his grasp. He stopped walking and dropped my arm, looking me in the eye before waving his hand back towards the door we'd just come through. I stared at him for an instant, upset with his dramatic display and turned on my heel to head back into the terminal. He caught up with me as I waited for the carousel to start moving.

"I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind and I can't talk to you here," he whispered in an urgent tone next to me. "Something's happened that you need to know about immediately. I'll buy you replacements for whatever you have here," he said shoving his thumb towards the carousel. "Let's just go." I wheeled around to look at him and saw his deep unease. I did a mental checklist of what I had in my bag, and conceded. It was all replaceable.

As soon as we were outside in the cold night air, he darted as fast as he could without turning heads towards the parking garage, his hand wrapped tightly around mine. As soon as the Volvo came into view I couldn't take it anymore and whispered, "What is it? What's happened?"

He paused for a second, his eyes darting every conceivable direction, clearly trying to confirm whether or not we were completely alone. A moment passed and he looked back at me, his eyes a deep brown with black outlining them. He had the familiar dark circles under his eyes that signified his hunger and I took in a quick breath. I hadn't seen him so frazzled in at least six months. My eyes pleaded with him and I squeezed his hand. "It's Jacob," he said finally. I didn't understand his meaning and he sighed exasperated and grabbed my arm again, pulling me towards the car.

"What about him? Is he OK?" I asked as he opened my car door and helped me inside, more gentle now. He slammed my door harder than he meant to and ran around to the other side of the car, getting into the drivers' seat and starting the car. He backed out of the car with such force I was worried I'd have whiplash. "Edward, we're alone now. Speak," I demanded. He took my hand in his, pulling it up to kiss my fingers but it did nothing to sooth my nerves. I was getting more and more alarmed by the second. Edward looked at me and sighed.

"He knows," he breathed. I looked at him as he sped out of the parking garage, threw some money at the parking lot attendant and sped down the highway. I shook my head, trying to understand what he meant. "He knows about our plan," he said more pointedly and squeezed my hand. My heart rate eased considerably. Was that all?

"It's not a big deal, I'll talk to him, he'll understand," I said, trying to force a smile into my voice. Edward's disturbing display in the airport edged its way back into my consciousness and I turned my head forward to watch Seattle speed past us. "That's not the whole story is it?" I didn't have to look over to feel Edward shake his head. "Tell me," I urged, turning back to face him. His jaw was clenched tight and he was gripping the steering wheel so hard I was worried it would snap off.

"I ran into him this afternoon at Charlie's. I stopped by unannounced just to visit since I was in town and I know how much he misses you. I brought his favorite beer and intended to watch the game with him but Jacob was already there when I walked inside. Charlie of course couldn't have been more excited to have us both there but Jacob tensed and I squared off immediately. We both deserve Oscar's for that performance, Charlie didn't suspect a thing. But then the strain became too great and I noticed Jacob was shaking so I decided it was time for me to go," he inhaled deeply and continued. "I said goodbye to Charlie and then turned to walk out the door and Jacob insisted on walking me out. When we were outside he told me he knew everything, he knew what we were planning and that there was no way he would allow it." Edward broke off and the car slowed considerably. He was too focused on controlling his anger to realize his foot slipped off the gas so suddenly.

"It has nothing to do with him! Who does he think he is exactly?" I protested, angry beyond words with Jacob for pulling this nonsense. Edward shook his head and squeezed my hand again.

"Unfortunately it does concern him. I had childishly hoped that he would never have to know, that we could do it and not be bothered but that doesn't seem to be the case."

"How, _exactly_, does this concern him?" I asked, my hands clenched in tight fists as I stared straight ahead. We were halfway to Forks now.

"The treaty states that we cannot hunt on Quileute land and if we bite any human, their death will be avenged by the dogs," he said with an air of arrogance. "The treaty was set so that we could live peacefully but when it was agreed upon no one thought….well…no one could have imagined that you would come along," he said and squeezed my hand again, a small smile on his lips. "That compounded with the fact that Jacob is still in love with you, he will be a nuisance no matter where we go."

"This is bullshit," I finally said, my eyes watering with frustration. "Take me to the reservation. Jacob and I need to have a little chat." Edward dropped my hand and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You don't seem to understand, Bella. If we change you in Forks, he and the whole pack will be forced to retaliate against us. If we change you somewhere else Jacob will do everything he can to stop it from happening. I heard his thoughts, Bella. He's serious. You don't want to know the things he's thinking of doing."

"How does he know?" I asked, holding both of my hands to my face, my head suddenly pounding.

"I have no idea," he breathed. "Maybe someone was talking too loud while hunting, maybe he just assumed since we're both back so abruptly. I don't know, but the bottom line is he knows and he's not going to let it go." Edward pulled the car off the interstate and sped towards Charlie's house.

"Take me to Jacob's," I repeated through clenched teeth.

"Charlie's waiting for you." Edward said in his patented voice that meant the subject was no longer up for discussion.

"Take me to the drop off point, I'm going to talk to Jacob Black." Edward sighed and pulled off at the next turn, winding our way through the trees towards the Quileute reservation. In no time he screeched to a halt along the border of the reservation and cut the engine.

"He's not on patrol tonight," he said squinting through the trees, seeing and hearing the invisible pack. "It's Seth and Embry tonight. Jacob's at home. Seth will escort you through the woods. He's excited to see us and wishes things could be different." Edward turned to face me. "Jacob is sick with rage." His eyes searched mine, trying to read my thoughts. "I'll remain right here for you. Charlie is waiting." I turned to look at him and crushed my lips to his.

"I'll be right back. Promise, " I said, opening the car door and flipping the hood of Edward's raincoat over my head. I crossed the invisible threshold and Seth walked out from behind a tree towards me, a big grin plastered across his face.

"It's so good to see you, Bella!" he said warmly as he crushed me in a wide hug. He'd sprouted up just like Jake had. I was too upset to act happy so I forced a smile and flung my arm around him in return. "I can't say I'm surprised to see you. After Jacob's run in with Edward two days ago I figured we'd be seeing you down here soon." I pulled out of his embrace and marched into the forest, Seth quick on my heels. "I'd be pissed too if I were you. That's what I told Jacob, too. He's being ridiculous. Edward's a good guy and he knows it and if that's going to make you happy he should just shut up and stop being so immature about everything. Of course, what do I know? I'm just some silly kid to him, to all of them really." I forced myself to block Seth out completely. I was usually happy to have him around, happy to have him talk my ear off but I was too focused on staying enraged that I couldn't listen to him. My hostility may have been accidentally misdirected if I didn't block him.

Jacob Black had better be prepared for what's coming to him, I thought to myself. After everything we'd been through, after all the hell that we'd been dragged through, there was no way I was going to let Jacob Black attempt to stand in the way of my happiness with Edward. If Seth Clearwater had expected me there then I hoped that Jacob Black was more than prepared for my unwelcome presence. Before long the forest began to clear and I could see the little house, the Rabbit was sitting outside and all the lights were on.

"Is he home?" I asked Seth, picking up my speed so I was running now. Seth said yes and pulled back, mumbling something about not wanting to be around for this. I pushed through the brush and towards the house, banging on the door.

"Who is it?" Billy yelled over the television. I pushed the door open and Billy's face fell. I must have looked stark raving mad, which I was, but I must have been an even more alarming sight than I thought because Billy looked terrified. He cleared his throat and attempted to look happy to see me. "Bella, my girl! What brings you to Forks?" he eyed me skeptically. I didn't answer; my fists were clenched at my sides. I couldn't wrap my head around small talk at the moment. "Here to see Jacob, I presume?" he asked and looked uncomfortably away from me. "Well I'm sorry to tell you that he's not home at the moment. Why don't you head home to Charlie and I'll have Jacob give you a call in the morning." He wheeled towards the door, trying to reach past me to open it and let me back outside but I stepped around him and marched down the small hallway. I heard him let out an exasperated sigh as I pushed Jacob's door open.

Jacob was sprawled diagonally across his bed clad only in a pair of grey sweatpants and he snored so loud it sounded like the house was under attack. I gripped his arm tight in my hands and shook with all my might. He grumbled and his eyes fluttered open slowly. At first a look of excitement and happiness crossed his face as he saw it was me and for a split second I couldn't help feeling the same at the sight of him. It had been nearly two months since I saw my former best friend and even then it was only briefly. But I kept my face tight and his expression fell immediately, realizing the purpose for my visit was nothing he was going to enjoy. He rolled over and sat up quickly.

"You could have knocked," he said brusquely, standing up to show his breadth.

"You wouldn't have heard it over your snoring," I retorted, looking at him through a small slit in my eyelids. I was beyond furious with him and it took all my restraint not to hit him square in his wide jaw although that likely would have hurt my fist far more than it would hurt him.

"So you caught up with that bloodsucking husband of yours I take it," he said, stretching his arms above his head and running his hands down his face.

"You watch your mouth, Jacob Black," I sneered and he snapped his head to look at me. "I don't care what you think of him or me or my life or my family. I don't care what you think about anything. You have no right to be this way after all these years and what changed anyway? The last time we were here _you_ were the one asking about visiting us in Hanover."

"I asked about coming to visit so I could see you, not him," he shot back. "I don't give a shit about him. All I care about is you. I don't want you throwing away your life over that – that – " I smacked him hard across the face before he could get the word out and he looked at me stunned. "Sit," I said pointing at his bed and he obeyed, sitting on the edge, the shocked look never leaving his features. "How _dare_ you, Jacob? After all this time, after everything we've all been through. How _dare_ you?" I yelled it the second time and Jacob averted his eyes, expecting me to hit him again.

"It's not my choice, Bella," he said quietly, keeping his eyes focused on the wall beside him. "If the Cullen's break the treaty there's nothing I can do, we're bound by the elders to protect the tribe," he spat back.

"If that were it Jacob, I could understand. I could say OK, I see your point, we'll just get out of your hair and take care of our business elsewhere. But that's not it Jacob. Edward heard your thoughts; he knows that this goes much, much deeper. Even if we leave you'll try to stop us. Why?" My tone went from rage to confusion in record time.

"Because you don't deserve that kind of an ending, Bella. You deserve to live your life, not act on some persuasion from your _husband_." He said the word as though there was some question as to whether or not Edward was truly my husband. "If he's not selfless enough to understand what you deserve than maybe he needs to be taught how to be. Just because the rest of those freaks braided up together doesn't mean you have to."

"I cannot believe we are even having this conversation right now!" I yelled, pacing the length of his tiny room and scraping my fingernails into my palms.

"When you told me you were going away to school I was terrified that that was some sort of code but when you came back to visit and you were still you I was beyond happy that you'd finally seen reason. I even decided that maybe this guy was going to end up OK and maybe I should give him a real chance. But then I heard _this_ and Charlie said you were coming back to visit. I knew he must have finally worn you down. He must have finally found a way to brainwash you thoroughly." I stopped in my stride and turned to face Jacob. So that's what he thought? My face was ablaze with rage and it took all restraint to not hit him again.

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but this is _my_ choice," I said through clenched teeth. Jacob looked at me startled and shook his head, refusing to believe what I'd just revealed. He was quiet for a moment, processing that new information and then looked back to me.

"It doesn't matter whose idea it was. If it happens in Forks there will be a war. And if you leave, I'll do something drastic. I will not let you end your life," he said firmly. Tears spilled from my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Don't you dare ever speak to me again, Jacob Black," I spat. "Don't you dare come near me or Edward or Charlie or the Cullen's ever again. You have no idea what you're even talking about," I said, shaking my head ruefully. "It's unfortunate that this is what you've decided to make of our friendship," I added, looking out the window. "I can't believe I ever loved you."

The tears were coming in sobs now and Jacob's eyes fogged over as I glanced at him one last time before storming out of his room, past Billy's hollers from the kitchen and out the front door. I couldn't understand him. Why now? After all this time, why did he choose now to get on his high horse and ride into town? I could understand the problems associated with doing it Forks and that would be enough to run us both back out of town, away from here, to a place where we could set up our own life. But Jacob wasn't going to drop it no matter where we went. I was halfway through the forest before I heard the brush beside me rustling and suddenly Seth was by my side again.

"I take it things aren't back to normal?" he asked innocently, placing a cautious hand on my shoulder as my body rocked with fresh tears. I shook my head slightly and shrugged his hand off of me, practically running through the rough underbrush now, desperate to get back to Edward. A loud howl sounded in the distance and I turned to look at Seth who just nodded solemnly. Good, I thought, let Jacob feel the pain as much as I did. The trees finally thinned and I could see Edward's ghostly pale form beyond them. "I'll see you tomorrow at Charlie's," Seth said, doubling back. I could hear the trees rustling again and then the forest went silent.

I stumbled from the tree line, my entire body trembling with rage. Edward caught me before I sank to my knees on the ground and let me sob into his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around me and glared into the trees. He scooped me up into his arms and placed me in the passenger seat of his car and then sped around to the driver's side, slamming his foot on the gas as he started the engine.

"Don't worry about him, Bella," he said, putting an arm around my shoulder as he drove. "We'll leave and you'll never have to hear from that mutt again." I sobbed so hard I felt like I was going to vomit again. What a complete and utter mess. This morning I was at peace and now it seemed as though we were on the brink of war. Edward looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "We're almost to Charlie's, you need to try to calm down," he said softly.

"Pull over," I choked between sobs and Edward pulled me closer to him. "Pull over!" I said more forcefully and he slowed the car, pulling onto the shoulder of the dark unpopulated road that led to the reservation. He put the car in park and turned to look at me, running his fingers up and down my arms. My head was in my hands and I was trying hard to bite back my tears. "Take off your pants, Edward," I said lowly, my eyes meeting his. His eyes were wide as he searched my face.

"What?" he asked, staggered. I brushed my hand against my cheeks, wiping the tears away violently. Next I worked on steadying my breathing that was currently coming in short little gasps.

"You heard me," I croaked and clicked my seatbelt open, reaching under my skirt to remove my underwear. The stunned look on his face didn't change as I flung the fabric into the backseat. "I can't go to Charlie's like this. Please. I have to feel something else. I have to feel anything other than just completely feeble and weak. Please," I asked with pleading eyes. I was certain he thought I'd finally completely lost my mind but he made quick work of his zipper, sliding his pants down to his knees.

In an instant I'd thrown myself on top of him, my lips crushing against his as he held me tight, the tears that were still pouring from my eyes landing on his cheeks and rolling down his neck. He slid the seat back with me on top of him and went to work kissing his way down my neck, running his hands down my back, rubbing circles there to try to sooth me.

"I love you, I love you," I whispered in between kisses. He squeezed me tight to his body and I moved over him, sliding his length inside of me. I shuddered at the feeling. I moved furiously over him, the car shaking slightly.

"God Bella I missed you," he growled, even his over-developed mind had taken a few minutes to catch up with what was happening. His head lulled back on the headrest as I slammed onto him, his hands sneaking under my skirt and resting on my thighs, guiding me over him.

"Edward, please - " I groaned, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling his face back to mine, resting my forehead against his as I moved over him. I felt his cool hand slide further up my thigh and brush over my clit and I began convulsing over him. "Oh fuck!" I yelled, my orgasm sweeping over me, my cheeks dry for the first time since landing in Seattle. Edward gripped my hips and rocked into me a couple more times before letting go and coming with me. I breathed hard over him, his breath mixing with mine and I leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

"Everything is going to work out," he promised and I nodded my head slightly, not fully trusting his words. "I love you," he said, forcing me to look deep into his eyes and I knew he would do keep his promise, regardless of how much or how little I believed in his abilities to deliver. His eyes looked pained as I searched them fervently, eager to believe his words.

I slid off of him and we cleaned up and continued our trek to Charlie's house. Our brief encounter had had the desired effect and the deep-seeded pain I felt as I clawed my way back through the forest from Jacob's house was just a dull throb in the back of my mind. I clutched Edward's hand in mine as though my life depended on it. Soon Charlie's house loomed in the distance and he was at the window watching for us and came outside as soon as Edward cut the engine.

"Hey Bells!" he greeted me far more warmly than I could ever remember. I looked past him and saw Sue Clearwater exiting the house, crossing the small lawn towards us and the reason became shockingly clear. Charlie was happy for the first time since my childhood. I smiled softly at the thought and rubbed my thumb along Edward's hand.

"I missed you, dad," I said, pulling him into a tight hug. Edward greeted Sue beside me.

"How was Florida?" he asked, shaking Edward's hand as I hugged Sue. Edward grabbed my backpack from the backseat and followed us into the house. Charlie flung his arm around my shoulder, squeezing me tight. It was overwhelming to see him like this. I had to force myself to be pleasant and try not to think of Jacob Black or my goodbye to Renee.

I launched into my stories, answering all of Charlie's questions as Sue cooked dinner. Edward stayed until she was about to serve and then excused himself to have dinner with Carlisle and Esme. At first I felt apprehensive about him leaving but he gave me a knowing smile and a kiss on the forehead and I felt somewhat better. He darted his eyes to Charlie and nodded softly and I nodded back. The light around Charlie was infectious; I could feed off of that for at least a couple of hours.

The lazy evening was a welcome reprieve from the day I'd had. I sat and talked with Charlie and Sue at the dinner table long after the plates were cleared and we moved into the living room. It was so out of character for Charlie to be so animated and my heart swelled at the thought.

"Is Edward coming back tonight?" Charlie asked as we climbed the stairs sometime after midnight. I was surprised he would even ask, old Charlie would have tried to find a way to keep Edward out of my bedroom, regardless of marital status.

"I'm not sure," I said as Sue wheeled past us and into the bathroom. I turned to continue toward my old familiar bedroom. Charlie's hand was suddenly pressed into mine and he turned me around on the stairs to face him.

"Bells…there's something I want to tell you…" he said, looking down at his feet, shuffling them beneath him. "You know I've been lonely since your mom left…and…" The bathroom door swung open then and Sue gave Charlie a knowing glance then said goodnight to me and made her way into Charlie's room. For a second I wanted to ask about Leah and Seth but looking back at my father's determined face forced me to shove those questions aside for now.

"I know," I said softly, giving his hand a light squeeze. "I like Sue a lot, you two complement each other well," I said with a smile. Charlie locked his eyes with mine and nodded his head.

"There's a lot to work out, she's my friends widow. I'm not sure of the rules about that sort of stuff." He shook his head and looked down at our joined hands. "Well anyway, Bells, we should probably get to bed. Sue makes a mean breakfast and I have work tomorrow morning. I tried to get some time off but it won't be until later in the week if at all." I nodded and we dropped hands, walking towards our separate rooms. Before I opened the door I turned back to him.

"Dad was there something else you wanted to tell me?" I asked, recalling the beginning of our conversation. He froze mid-step and turned to face me.

"Nothing that can't wait 'til morning," he said with a small smile and then edged his way through his bedroom door, shutting it swiftly behind him.

I opened my door to reveal the expected sight of Edward lying tall and lean down the length of my bed, one arm behind his head and his navy t-shirt stretched tight against his torso. I couldn't help but smile as he reached his hand out for me.

"Just like old times," he said with a wink as I lay down beside him and nuzzled into his chest.

"What does Charlie have to tell me?" I asked him, turning my head to rest my chin on his chest and look at his face. His mouth pursed and he looked away. "What is it? Tell me," I insisted, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at me. He indulged me and moved his face back to mine as though I had moved him.

"I think it's best I don't ruin the surprise." The glint in his eyes was unreadable and I knew there was no point in arguing. "Rest now, Bella, tomorrow will likely be just as challenging as today." My heart rate quickened and he squeezed me tight against his body. The light flicked off then and he rubbed the back of my head, singing softly. Somehow my thoughts managed to shut off and I fell asleep in his loving arms.

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	6. Hope

**AN**: Thanks so much for your kind words and reviews! This is kind of a wordy chapter so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy and please leave a comment :)

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights to these characters.

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Chapter 5 – Hope

_As much as everything seems to have fallen apart since I landed last night, I can't bring myself to be too upset at this precise moment. The sun is barely prickling through the clouds outside the window in my familiar bedroom. Edward ran out to hunt this morning and will be back any moment. As much as I detest it when we're apart, the anticipation of seeing his gorgeous face again always makes me feel buoyant and happy. _

_Jacob Black will pay if he steals my happiness away from me._

"Did I wake you?" Edward asked with a smile as he slid effortlessly and silently through the open window. I shook my head with a wide smile and closed my journal, setting it on the table beside the bed. I pulled the sheets up around my exposed flesh and blushed. "How on earth can you still be shy around me?" He asked sliding his t-shirt off and settling into bed beside me.

"You smell like a tasty mountain lion," I said with smirk inhaling his sweet scent deeply. "I think I'm starting to salivate already." I pressed my face against his bare chest, the cold a welcome relief to my warm skin. He chuckled and pulled me up to look at him.

"You need more sleep," he said, tracing his finger under my eyes. I closed my eyes briefly then shook my head and started to sit up, keeping the sheet wrapped around me.

"I need to go knock some sense into that kid," I huffed, running a hand through my tousled hair. Edward sat up next to me and sighed heavily.

"What do you need me to do?"

"I figure my only chance outside of Jacob is Sam." I reached to the floor beside the bed and grabbed Edward's discarded t-shirt and pulled it over my head and crawled out of bed, looking back at Edward. The expression on his face was one of deep worry. He was perfectly still, his eyes far away as he sat there thinking. "This is my burden, Edward. I don't want you to worry about it." He looked at me then, his eyes glinting.

"As if there's a chance of that," he said with a snort. "How will you get Sam to listen to you? He seems to be the least likely person to lend an open ear." I nodded, pulling my jeans on and going to my closet.

"I know. My best bet is through Emily. Theoretically she should understand our situation more than anyone else." I pulled Edward's shirt off and tossed it to him as I snapped my bra in place and pulled a fresh shirt over my head. Edward pulled his shirt over his head and stood next to the bed.

"So you quell the Quileute issue and hope that forces Jacob's hand into cooperation?" he asked with a hand on his chin. He stared down at the ground, letting the plan run through his mind a million different ways. I nodded. "It's not a bad plan," he said looking up at me finally.

"The hint of surprise in your voice is incredibly offensive," I chided, walking towards him and placing a soft kiss on his lips. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

"Just make sure that it's worth all this fuss," he said, resting his head on top of mine. I pulled back and looked at him.

"_You_ are worth it." My eyes were firm and my expression severely serious. He just nodded and looked away, evidently not completely agreeing with my assessment. I knew he still wasn't thrilled by the thought of my transformation regardless of what he said. "Come on," I said taking his hand, "we have to be back in time for breakfast and Sam will still be out on patrol. Now may be my best chance to talk to Emily." Edward nodded silently and walked out the door beside me.

Edward wasn't permitted to drive right up to the little white house so I had to take the last half-mile by foot. Luckily, unlike last night this was down a dirt road, not through the twisted underbrush of the forest. It wasn't until the little house came into view that the time of day struck me and I realized she might still be sleeping. Living with a vampire for so long had made me forget my own human tendencies. I trudged on towards the house regardless. If she was asleep I would just come back later but I was here now and I had to try. The smell of fresh muffins hit me as I raised my hand to knock. I heard a shuffling from inside and then Emily cracked the door slightly, peering out. When she saw me, she pulled the door back with a wide grin.

"Vampire girl! How are you?" she asked, pulling me into a hug. For a moment I almost forgot what business I had here and nearly launched into catching up. "Is Edward here?" I shook my head and smirked.

"His kind aren't welcome here," I said.

"Ah yes, there's that. Please do come in and help yourself to a muffin," she said standing aside and letting me into the tiny house. "Sam should be home shortly but, if I'm not mistaken, it's not him that you've come to see." She gave me a knowing smile from the functioning side of her face and I nodded.

"My business here precedes me," I said picking at the muffin she thrust in front of me.

"I'm not surprised you came to me first. I would seem your likeliest ally," she said cupping her hand over mine. I looked at it for a beat and then into her eyes. Looking at her mangled face, seeing the evidence of what she and Sam had lived through together made my heart turn. She had to understand. Water sprang to my eyes and I turned my palm to take her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze.

"Please, Emily, you have to help us. I know you know how difficult being in a relationship like ours is. We will never be equals if this doesn't happen. It's not the ideal solution but it's the best we can do. Jacob is being impossible. Sam is our only hope to get through to Jake. Please," I begged, tears rolling softly down my face now. Emily was silent for a moment then placed a soft hand on my shoulder, rubbing gently.

"I almost envy your position," she said and looked away. "At least you have the ability to make this choice. Sam and I – we'll never have that."

"I'm sorry – I didn't mean…" She shook her head and looked back at me.

"No, don't be sorry Bella. I've come to terms with it and we make due." She paused for beat, looking down at the table and then back into my eyes. "I want to help you but I'm not sure how much good it will do. Sam is bound as Jacob is."

"All I'm asking is that you talk to Sam for me, ask him to hear me out. He can talk to the elders, he can ask for a revision in the treaty. It's been revised in the past. I know it can be done again. It's my only hope for preventing Jacob from going though with whatever he's planning." She nodded softly and looked fiercely into my eyes.

"You're sure you want this, Bella?"

"Yes," I said firmly without a moment of hesitation. She nodded again and was silent for a second.

"OK, Sam will be back in an hour and I'll talk to him. Go back to Charlie's and wait and I'll call you as soon as I can." I couldn't help the smile that cracked across my face.

"Thank you!" I said, jumping up. She stood up with me and laughed as I threw my arms around her. "I can't thank you enough!"

"I haven't done anything yet," she said but squeezed me to her anyway. My heart was lighter than it had been since I was in Florida. I couldn't help but have a renewed sense of hope. Jacob would have to listen to Sam and the elders if they made this exception.

I quickly said goodbye to Emily and ran the space back towards Edward. As soon as I saw him in the distance I broke into a sprint and threw my arms around him. He giggled as he steadied my body against his.

"Good news I take it," he said with a laugh.

"She's going to talk to Sam and call us this afternoon if he will see me. This is our chance, Edward. If she can make him see reason, we're in! Jacob – " Edward put his finger to my lips to silence me.

"Let's get back to Charlie's," he whispered. "The trees have ears, so to speak." I wheeled my head around, searching the tree line nearest the car but I couldn't see anything. I got into the car and we flew back to Charlie's.

---

"You two got an early start!" Charlie said as we walked into the house. He was in the living room watching ESPN while Sue cooked breakfast. The smell wafting from the kitchen was intensely appetizing and my stomach growled. Edward looked down at me and smiled, giving my waist a squeeze where he held me.

"I came by this morning to take Bella over to my house to see Alice. She was beside herself with excitement waiting to see her," Edward answered. Charlie nodded but looked like he wasn't totally convinced.

"Carlisle says hello," I added when Edward's face turned away quickly from Charlie's. I could only imagine what Charlie thought was really going on. His face softened and he smiled, turning back to the television. "What was it?" I whispered from the side of my mouth as we walked into the kitchen.

"He thought we were having sex in the car in the woods," he said trying to bite back his laughter as he smiled at me. "I have to admit, it would have been a much more pleasant use of our morning." He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine softly. I laughed against his lips and heard Charlie clear his throat loudly from the living room. We broke apart and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"He was about eight hours late," I chided as we walked into the kitchen. I couldn't figure out what Sue was making with all of the open cartons of what seemed like everything from the refrigerator littering the counters.

"Sue the Eggs Florentine smell delightful! Let me give you a hand before I have to head back home," Edward said, striding confidently into the kitchen. Someday soon we'd be able to share a meal together. Sue and Edward launched into a comfortable conversation and I excused myself to the living room to visit with Charlie.

"Hey, kiddo," he said as I walked in and patted the couch next to him. "I can't tell you how great it is to have you home," he said with a smile. Charlie was much more animated when he spoke now and much more engaging than I had ever seen him. It was incredibly odd to see him so relaxed and invigorated but it made me smile. Charlie would be OK without me.

Edward left as Sue set breakfast on the table, claiming to have some errands to run but I knew he would wait around the corner and come back as soon as he successfully evaded having to eat with us.

"Where are Leah and Seth?" I asked, scooping some eggs into my mouth. Sue tensed a little but smiled.

"They've been spending a lot of time with Sam and Emily," she gave me a knowing smile and I dropped the subject. Wherever they were they clearly weren't staying with her and Charlie and Sue was fine with whatever they were doing. And Charlie was still completely in the dark.

As soon as breakfast was over Edward was back to help with the dishes after shoving a plastic bag from the local convenience store in my hands. I looked at him quizzically and he just smiled. I peered inside to see a box of condoms and my face went bright red and immediately stomped up to my room to hide it in a drawer. When I came back down Edward was smiling devilishly at me.

I perched on the counter next to him as he washed and dried, "That was your big errand you had to run? Getting a little uninventive in your old age," I teased, mussing his hair.

The phone rang then and Edward gave me a knowing look as I rushed across the room to answer it.

"Expecting a call?" Charlie joked.

"Hello?" I asked hurried into the phone, clasping the receiver in my hand like it was my last saving grace. Which it was.

"Come over today at three o'clock. He's not on board but he said he'd at least talk to you. I couldn't tell if he was receptive or not so be prepared. Don't bring Edward." I nodded into the phone and despite her warnings a smile cracked across my face.

"See you at three," I said, looking at Edward and hanging up the phone. I wanted to jump for joy. There was hope. Edward watched me struggle to maintain my excitement and smiled. He looked deep in my eyes from across the room and I had to break away and blush. He shifted his weight, a smile lingering on his lips as his eyes stayed focused on me.

"What's going on at three?" Charlie asked, oblivious to our intimate moment. I tore my eyes away and smiled.

"Emily invited us up to see her and Sam." Charlie nodded.

"Sam's a good kid. Good role model for Seth," he said giving Sue's hand a squeeze. She beamed. "And Emily is a great role model for Leah. Poor thing." I couldn't tell if he meant Emily or Leah. Maybe both.

Edward stiffened suddenly, a clenching of his muscles that only I would notice. I whirled my head to look at him questioning. Then the doorbell rang. I looked from the door back to Edward but he was the vision of relaxation now, leaning effortlessly against the counter. It infuriated me that he knew everything that was happening before it happened and I was always in the dark. He looked at me with teasing grin, knowing my thoughts.

"I forgot to tell you that Alice mentioned she might be stopping by," he said as Charlie walked to the door. I shot him a look and he grinned wider, smiling. I shook my head with a laugh and went to greet her.

Alice nearly knocked me over with the force of her hug as she crushed me to her stone like body. "I missed you so much!" She exclaimed and turned towards Edward, grinning from ear to ear.

"I thought you said you saw her this morning?" Charlie said, giving me a reproachful look.

"We did - remember Alice?" I pleaded with my eyes, desperate to not allow Charlie's thoughts to roam again. Alice looked from me to Edward and back to Charlie.

"Yes, but I haven't seen my little bro in so long! Our brief meeting this morning wasn't enough!" She said with a wink to me and threw her arms around Edward. Edward rolled his eyes over her shoulder and I couldn't help but smile. Things had to work out.

"You haven't been by in a while Alice, how ya been?" Charlie asked as she gave him a peck on the cheek. Charlie looked a little hurt that she hadn't been visiting as much.

"Just giving you and Sue some space," she said squeezing his shoulder. "Bella, when you two first ran off I assumed your old position. Charlie almost started calling me Bella I was here so much!" she sang. I looked at Charlie who was beaming at her and my heart swelled. "Incidentally," she said giving Edward a slow look then turning her attention back to me. I could sense that some unspoken information had just passed between the two of them. "May I have a word Bella? It won't be more than a second," she promised turning back to Charlie with a smile. I nodded and led her into the living room but she grabbed my hand and pulled me up to my room, shutting the door behind us.

"What is it Alice?" I asked hurried. She smiled and looked around the room, gracefully taking a seat on the floor.

"Oh Bella I've missed you!" She said with a grin. I nodded in agreement silently begging her to get to it. "And I am so pleased with your decision. You're long overdue." She said with a wink.

"I'm sure you know about Jacob." I said, trying to jar her into getting on with it. She nodded but the smile didn't leave her lips.

"He's always the issue, have you noticed? You may consider being choosier about the company you keep," she said.

"Did u see something Alice?" I couldn't stand it any longer. She nodded quickly and waved her hand telling me to have a seat.

"Well of course I can't she _him_," she said disdainfully. "But I did see that the ultimate outcome still hasn't changed. All this time and the universe still has you pointed towards a certain fate, it's remarkable."

"But that could mean anything, couldn't it? It could be now or twenty years from now. You first saw that outcome two years ago and nothing has changed." I felt deflated. I was certain Alice would have news that would put me at east but I felt worse than I did before.

"This is different, Bella," she said shaking her head. "I can't see any of the dogs but Emily is at our house and you two are visiting. Something has bonded you further and you are very close friends." She was bouncing up and down from her cross-legged position on the floor. "Don't you see, Bella? She is going to help you and you will become great friends even after you're changed!"

"Oh!" I said, a smile breaking across my face. Edward slipped soundlessly through the door then and came to wrap his arm around me.

"Charlie was seething at me, I had to escape," he said kissing my forehead. He explained Charlie's false assumptions about our intimate encounter this morning to Alice and how she had served as our excuse until she came dancing through the door. She couldn't help but laugh.

"When are you bringing Bella by the house? Emmett is dying to see her." I rolled my eyes, I could only imagine the jokes that he had been storing up for the last few months. Edward tensed beside me.

"Emmett won't be seeing her for a couple of days." I looked up at him quizzically but he kept his eyes trained on Alice and nodded his head slightly. She pulled his gaze from his immediately after that movement and my eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.

"What was that all – "

"We should probably get you over to Sam's," Edward interrupted my question and pulled me to the door, breezing past Alice.

Before I had time to ask any more questions about Emmett, we were in Edward's car barreling towards the invisible werewolf/vampire line that had separated my two worlds for so long. That is until Jacob had allowed his selfishness to command his decisions and now I didn't care about ever going back over that line after today. Regardless of Sam's decision, I would never return to the Quileute Reservation and I could only hope that Jacob would decide to stay on his side of the line for eternity, but I knew that wasn't likely.

I sat in the passenger's seat of Edward's car as the trees and houses blew past us. My heart was wrenching. What if Sam couldn't see reason? What would our next move be? Would I be forced to live out my days as a human, getting increasingly older as Edward stayed perfectly gorgeous and seventeen for eternity? I couldn't stomach that thought. Worse though was the thought of never being on equal footing with my new family. Edward would never be able to kiss me as fully as he was capable of. There would always be things that I couldn't know about, that I wouldn't be able to understand or that they would purposefully try to protect me from. I would never be able to join Edward on his long hunting trips, I would never be able to keep pace with he and his family. We would never share a meal together. That thought had been a joke at the time but now it seemed vitally important. I had to make Sam understand.

Edward cleared his throat and shifted in his seat and I tore my eyes away from the tree line to look at him. He looked impossibly nervous and I couldn't blame him. He still wasn't excited about leaving me alone with werewolves, regardless of how well he knew and respected this particular one. And I knew he felt helpless because there was nothing he could to do make things better. I could never understand the enormity of the emotions he felt at any given moment but occasionally his face betrayed him and I could read his dissatisfaction, his deep regret that he couldn't be human for me so that this wouldn't be necessary in the first place.

The car slowed along the gravel road and Edward took a breath and slid the car into park. "I'll wait right here, just like this morning," he said, refusing to lock eyes on me. I could only imagine what he was feeling. I nodded and looked at my hands.

"I love you and regardless of what Sam decides we are going to be together for eternity one way or another. Jacob will suffer if need be." I gripped his hand in mine, expressing the severity of my resolve. Edward clicked his tongue against his teeth and shook his head.

"It won't come to that," he said through clenched teeth. I looked at the clock, time to go. I reached for the door handle and Edward grabbed my shoulders, turning me to face him and crushed his lips to mine. "I love you, we'll figure this out," he said against my lips. I nodded, tears threatening just behind my lids but I swallowed and got out of the car, walking along the path towards the small house.

The weather was ominous with a deep gray cloud cover that would inevitably turn into rain before I left the little house that was getting increasingly closer with every step I took. I tried to keep my mind focused, to have the blueprint of a plan before I made it to the little white house but even as I knocked, I still hadn't formulated a strategy. All I had to rely on was the hope that Sam would empathize with our situation and resolve to help. I knew that Sam's help didn't automatically mean we would be in the clear but at least we'd have a glimmer of hope.

The door slid open and Sam's huge frame stood there, an indiscernible look on his face. His face softened slightly and he nearly gave way to the reception I would have expected if my purpose hadn't been so dire. He tightened his jaw against the smile that threatened to break upon is russet skin and invited me in. Emily was at the stove as usual cooking up a storm. I smiled weakly to her and she came over and enveloped me in her arms, whispering her wish of good luck in my ear.

"Emily of course filled me in on the purpose of your visit, so I think it's fair that we get right to it and drop any pretenses," Sam said taking a seat at the small kitchen table and inviting me to do the same with a gesture of his hand. I sat stiffly across from him, the meeting feeling much more formal than my time here this morning. Emily rolled her eyes and giggled slightly as she turned one of the burners down.

I looked down at my hands, silently wishing I had come up with the brilliant plan that I'd hoped for on my walk up. "Sam, you have to understand our situation." Sam nodded his head and waved a hand.

"I know the situation, Bella, and to be honest I'm surprised this hasn't come up before now." He shifted in his chair and leaned in closer to examine my face. "Tell me why now." His eyes narrowed slightly in concentration as he focused on my features.

"Edward and I have been married now for a while. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he is the one I want to be with for eternity and he feels the same way. This is my decision, Sam. Edward has never once tried to push this on me and for years he resisted my urging for him to do it. I want this. I want to share everything with him and that's never going to happen if I stay human." My hands were trembling in my lap. "Our lives get unduly complicated by something that is within our control to change and I would give anything to make that happen. Jacob has his own prejudices against Edward that will likely never change. I can understand the issue with the elders and the treaty but I can't understand his desire to make me miserable because of his own selfishness."

"He's still in love with you, Bella," Sam said lightly as if breaking the news to me. I knew that had to be the stem of Jacob's unreasonable protestations but what I didn't understand was why, after all this time, he couldn't just let me be happy. I would give anything for him to be happy, why couldn't he feel the same for me? "He still hasn't imprinted, he's the last one in the pack, I think he's grasping at his love for you for support. Blowing it out of proportion in your absence just so he doesn't feel so alone." That was news. My heart tightened thinking about my poor stubborn former best friend. He would inevitably believe there to be something wrong with him, regardless of the fact that imprinting was not something he could control. I felt tears spring to my eyes but I shook my head sharply, not allowing myself to feel sorry for Jacob Black after how impossible he'd been the previous day.

"I'm sorry that Jacob feels that way but it there's nothing I can do about that. He would have imprinted on me by now if he were going to, not that it would have changed anything. Edward…" I trailed off, my head was swimming now. I felt awful for my friend and wanted to rush over to his house and figure out a way to make him feel better, but I was still lost in my anger.

Sam nodded his head and placed his hand over mine. "Bella, I understand that but Jacob is beside himself with grief. He's not been reasonable since you first left for school so many months ago." He paused and shook his head. "I believe I can help you with Jacob, however." My head snapped up and I looked into his eyes. Did he just say he was going to help? Sam chuckled deep in his chest at my reaction, as my eyes grew wide. "I want to do what I can, but know that I cannot promise anything. Jacob is one issue on his own but the elders are a totally different problem."

"Thank you, Sam," I said, tears springing to my eyes. I felt cautiously optimistic for the first time since landing in Seattle. Sam shook his head.

"Don't thank me yet. Jacob will be easier than the elders, which is saying something because Jacob will be impossible to get through to. Sue and Billy will have to make a decision which will end the life of the daughter of their friend." Billy. I knew he wouldn't go along with changing the treaty, but I only needed one of them if I had Sam on my side. Sue was the obvious choice.

"Sue is at Charlie's constantly. She's seen Edward and I together, she'll understand the need." Sam stared down at the table in front of him.

"Sue lost her husband last year. It's doubtful that she would want her fiancé to lose his only daughter, regardless of the purpose." My eyes flashed to Sam's and he shook his head. "Ah, Charlie hasn't told you."

"I think he tried to last night but…wow…" Sam squeezed my hand tighter and my heart clenched in my chest. I was happy for Charlie, he would be more okay without me than I suspected, but I knew he would be devastated if I wasn't there to be a part of the ceremony. And I would feel terrible if I was selfishly ending my life during what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life.

"So I can't promise a positive outcome but I can promise to try to help. I understand your situation. If I had a way to become human for Emily, I would do it in an instant and we're not as grotesquely opposite as you are from Edward. I'm still mostly human save for those times when my temper gets the better of me." Emily came over then and wrapped a loving arm around Sam's shoulders as she smiled at me with a wink. It was then that I realized she'd laid the groundwork for me before I showed up at the house. "I will work on Jacob and he will understand and respect that the treaty only encompasses our lands. That would give you the opportunity to leave Forks and take care of your business elsewhere." He smiled up at Emily and put his hand over hers on his shoulder. "As for the elders, if you are uncomfortable with the thought of leaving our lands and never returning, I think the best course of action is for you to try to talk to Sue and once Jacob is under control you should approach Billy as well. I will vote in your favor."

A smile broke across my face and I thanked Sam profusely. The situation was far from resolved but we at least had a chance now. I knew Jacob would have to obey Sam's requests, but it left the issue of Forks open. We could leave but that would require uprooting our entire family. And I would never be able to come back to see Charlie again. So it seemed my only option would be to spill my desires to Sue. I could imagine there would be some conditions but she would ultimately understand. Billy would not. But I would have to at least try to make him understand. In the end, though, I only needed one of them to side with us since Sam had pledged his support.

I left their house in a rush, eager to see Edward and relay this new information and as his long form became visible leaning against the silver Volvo, tears streamed down my face, my feet thudding against the road in time with my heart pounding inside my chest. I leapt into his arms with a renewed sense of hope.

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Comment = Love


	7. Home

**AN: **I'm so sorry for making you wait so long! I was lacking inspiration for a long time, but finally it came to me. I really like how this chapter ended up and I hope you enjoy it as well! Hopefully it won't be a decade before inspiration hits again. Please share your thoughts with a review.

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights to these characters.

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Home**

My eyes snapped quickly to the place Edward's face was locked and relief tore through every pore of my body when I saw Emmett standing there, his body crouched towards the earth, a playful smile dancing on his lips. Edward's shoulders were squared toward him and he turned slightly to wedge his body in front of mine. I couldn't understand what was going on, why Edward was acting like this towards his favorite brother but I could sense that there was more at play here then what was visible. Edward had his eyes trained on Emmett's face, clearly reading whatever thoughts crossed Emmett's usually playful mind.

"It's lovely to see you, Bella," Emmett said with a laugh, turning his attention to me. Edward's eyes flickered to mine and he put a hand in front of my torso to tell me to stay where I was. Emmett looked normal and as in control of himself as Emmett ever was. He laughed deep in his throat and shook his head. "Your husband will go to great lengths to keep you happy, you should know that," he said with a grin. My eyes darted between him and Edward; both of their eyes were trained on me now, waiting for my response.

"Edward, what is going on? Its Emmett, the least likeliest person on the planet to do me harm after you." Emmett's deep laugh broke through the silence and echoed from the surrounding trees. Edward deepened his crouch and kept his feet planted firmly in front of me.

"Emmett has chosen not to respect your wishes. Get in the car so I can have a candid conversation with my juvenile brother." I looked from Edward to Emmett and back again but remained where I was. There didn't seem to be any actual danger from the way they were poised. They looked the same as they always did when they wrestled in the backyard at the Cullen's house, the vague hint of a smile pulling at the corners of their tightly set lips.

"What is he talking about, Emmett?" I asked, taking a step forward. Edward didn't move to protect me further, a sure sign that there was little to be afraid of. Emmett's laugh erupted again and Edward reached out to take my hand, his posture relaxing slightly.

"Your dear husband here has requested I not follow through with the plans I have in store for you." Edward shook his head then, a low chuckle curving his lips as he leaned back against the car. My eyes darted between the two of them as they looked at each other and laughed. I was beyond frustrated not knowing what their shared secret was.

"Edward?" I asked looking up at him. His body language exuded calm as he leaned against the Volvo, his hand wrapped tightly around mine. He shook his head and looked to Emmett then back to me.

"Go ahead and tell her, Emmett. It will be more entertaining to watch her take you down then to do it myself," he said with a chuckle.

Emmett took a step towards us and leaned against the Volvo as well, his eyes wild with delight. "Well, Bella, my sweet sister-in-law, I have a very big surprise for you!" He took another step closer and Edward gripped my hand tighter in his, a little of his stress returning to his posture. I still was in the dark and getting increasingly agitated by the situation. "You know I can't wait to have you with us forever, you keep our lives interesting. Things were pretty bland before Edward clubbed you and dragged you back to his bat cave." He threw Edward a look and smiled at me. "And your loving husband doesn't see the necessity of throwing you a bachelor party, but trust me, this is something you want." My jaw dropped. That's what this whole show had been about? A ridiculous party that I would never agree to in a million years? I clutched Edward's hand and he stifled a laugh when he saw the look on my face.

"Do you see why I was trying to keep him away from you?" he asked me, a smile playing on his lips. He turned back to Emmett, "She's never going to agree to it, so just let it go."

"We're not even sure if we can go through with the plan yet because of stupid Jacob Black so what's the point of even entertaining the idea?" I asked and Emmett's smile widened.

"You didn't say no."

"Are we seriously having this conversation right now? I just got back from Sam's," I pointed out, throwing a gesture down the long gravel road I'd just traveled. Edward turned his full attention towards me and squeezed my hand. I turned and looked at him, the same feeling of hope coursing through me again. "He's going to straighten Jacob out and take the issue to the elders. He supports us." Edward's lips pulled back over his lips in a strained smile. He was much more cautious in his hope than I was. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned against his chest. "He wants me to talk to Sue and Billy." Edward stiffened in my arms and I ran a soothing hand down his spine. "She'll understand."

Emmett cleared his throat loudly and I chuckled into Edward's chest and turned to face him, my body still pressed against Edward's. "Since that sounds like it's all sewn up, let's get to party planning."

"No, Emmett," I said firmly, shaking my head.

"Oh yes. We all know my choice is Vegas, but I realize that may be too much for you two prudes to handle. So I propose a compromise – "

"There's nothing to compromise on, it's not happening!" I interjected. He continued as though I hadn't said anything.

"- we have a party at the house, nothing too big so you don't get overwhelmed, you can invite your friends from high school, and we get you drunk." He erupted in a fit of laughter at that. "Edward, can you imagine her drunk? She'll be falling over everything!" Edward suppressed a smile and turned to face me.

"I'm glad I amuse you, but it's not going to happen. And to be honest, now isn't the best time to have this ridiculous discussion. I really need to speak with my husband." My voice was harsh but he didn't flinch away, in fact he took a step closer, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"You were so adamant to enjoy _some_ human things," he said pointedly and causing me to blush, "why not this? You'll never get to do it after you change." Silence lingered around us as I stared daggers at him. Edward shifted his weight and I turned my attention to him.

"You know, he has a point. You won't turn twenty-one so you won't have this opportunity again." My jaw fell but I couldn't decide if I was more shocked at Edward's betrayal or the fact that he was supporting underage drinking. He must have felt my glare because he chuckled and put his hands up in front of himself. "Plus if you don't say yes Emmett will never go away." That was a reason I could somewhat understand. I looked at Edward who had a wry smile playing on his lips to Emmett who had a giant grin breaking across his face and my shoulders slumped.

"Fine." Emmett nearly jumped twenty feet in the air in celebration. "But there are rules. Just you and the family, there's no need to invite people that I haven't seen in four months just to never see them again. We're not doing it until everything is settled with Jacob and the pack. And you can only crack jokes about it while I'm still human. Once I change it's off limits."

"You know I can't promise you that," Emmett said with a grin.

"Promise or no deal." Emmett thought about it for a second, a smirk playing on his lips and then extended his hand for me to shake.

"Deal," he said as I shook his hand. "But you should invite one human, you can't drink alone."

"I'll invite Seth," Edward offered, squeezing my waist. I rolled my eyes.

"The best I can do in the human friend department is a werewolf," I said with a snort. Edward and Emmett chuckled. "One more condition." I turned towards Emmett as Edward opened the car door for me. Emmett rolled his eyes and nodded his head. "Do not let Alice go overboard."

"You know I can't promise you that," Emmett repeated himself and laughed. "See you guys at the house." He wheeled around then and took off into the forest, running at lightning speed. I shook my head and got into the car, Edward shutting the door behind me.

"Are we going to your house?" I asked with a grin as Edward slid into the driver's seat, taking my hand. He nodded and I squealed with delight. "You only kept me away because of Emmett?"

"You have no idea how annoying his thoughts have been. I didn't want to put you through that."

"I can't believe I agreed to this. How bad will it be, honestly?" I asked, Edward would have a much clearer picture of Emmett's intentions. He grinned cheekily and shrugged his shoulders. "I can't believe you're supporting such irresponsible behavior. What happened to the wholesome, straight-laced Edward Cullen I once knew?"

"I think you fucked that part of my brain out of me." My stomach immediately coiled at his words. He could sense my reaction and chuckled, grabbing my hand in his and kissing my fingers. "You ok, love?" The smirk in his voice was obvious.

"Yeah, fine," I mumbled, but I knew my entire body was flushed red. Edward shifted in his seat, his heightened sense of smell obviously clueing him into what his words had done to me.

"Plus I'd like to see what drunk Bella sex is like," he added, throwing gas on an already flaming inferno. He inhaled deeply then shifted in his seat again, his hand coming around to the front of his jeans to adjust himself. "Jesus, Bella, are you trying to kill me?" his hands moving back to grip the steering wheel tight.

"Me?!" I shrieked. "You're the one talking about fucking your brains out and drunk sex. How is it my fault that you turn me on all day long? If it's anyone's fault, it's your own, buddy." Before my human mind could decipher what had happened, the car was pulled off into the woods and Edward was on top of me in the backseat, his mouth and hands all over my body. I was already out of breath. My chest was heaving as he made quick work of my shirt and bra, throwing them into the front seat. "Babe, Volvo's aren't known for their backseat space. I don't want you kicking a hole through the trunk. Maybe we should wait until we get to your house," I said as he attacked my neck. My brain was quickly screaming at me, telling me it didn't matter, his tongue on my neck and chest causing me to completely forget my protestations. "Oh God, Edward," I moaned, my fingers weaving into the hair at the nape of his neck as his tongue worked around my nipples.

"Do you see what I've become because of you, Bella?" he rasped, pushing his erection forcefully against my thigh. "I'm in a constant state of arousal. I need you forever; we have to be together forever. This lust is insatiable," he growled, rubbing himself along my leg, his face buried in my neck. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him tight as he finished removing my clothing. "I need you," he said softly, placing sweet kisses along my jaw, "I can't live without you." He brought his face to mine and looked deep into my eyes before lowering his lips to brush softly against mine. I swallowed hard against my tears, his words reminding me of the challenges we were up against.

"Make love to me, Edward," I breathed, pulling my lips away from his and planting kisses all over his face. The car was silent except for the sounds of our breathing. I pulled his t-shirt over his head and he quickly pulled down his jeans and settled himself between my legs, slowly gliding into me. "I love you," I moaned as he moved in and out of me maddeningly slow. His eyes locked on mine, his golden eyes glistening, a look I now knew he had when he felt like crying. He showered me with kisses, all over my face, my lips, my hair line, my neck, my chest, all the while keeping a slow pace in and out of me, allowing us both to feel every movement, appreciate every sigh.

"I love you, I love you," he breathed against my lips, his body arching into mine with every thrust of his hips. He gritted his teeth and pushed into me faster, throwing his head back slightly. I slid my hands down his back and grabbed his ass brusquely, encouraging his movements. "You feel so amazing," he moaned, his body shuttering slightly.

"Please don't stop, baby." He buried his head in my neck and shook his head as he continued thrusting in and out of me, his pace quickening as we both barreled towards our climax. "I'm so close," I mumbled into his ear before biting softly on his earlobe. His body shuttered again and I could tell he was almost there too. I gripped his shoulders, hitching my legs higher around his waist, the sweat from my body coating both of us.

"Cum for me baby. I want to watch you cum for me." My body starting convulsing beneath him as I dug my nails into his back, stars erupting behind my tightly closed eyelids. Edward grabbed my left breast as he slammed into me again and again. "Oh fuck, baby," he growled, his head going back again followed by the feel of him exploding inside of me, his entire body shaking at the impact of his orgasm. He collapsed on top of me, careful to rest most of his weight on the seat, keeping himself sheathed within me as we regained control of our breathing. Edward in the afterglow was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. He always seemed so innocent, so very seventeen. He would let me hold him, rock him gently, run my fingers through his twisted hair. I swear sometimes I could feel his heart beating against my chest. Edward pulled out of me but stayed in my arms, his head resting on my chest.

"So what happens if I can't convince Sue and Billy?" I asked quietly.

"We move far away and we never return," Edward replied without missing a beat.

"But Edward, your family, they love Forks. Esme, Carlisle, they've built a life here. I can't ask them to uproot just for me." Edward shifted us so we curled up in the backseat facing each other, our legs intertwined, my body molding around his. He brought his hand to my face and looked deep into my eyes.

"You still don't get it, Bella. You are my soul mate. There is no me without you. There is no other way for this story to end. I'm through pretending to be selfless now that you have made your decision. I want you forever and no one will stop that from happening as long as you want me." He stroked my cheek with the back of his hand and I shivered. "You must be getting cold and Carlisle and Esme are waiting for us." He moved to grab our clothes from the front seat but I stopped him.

"What about Jacob? Even if we leave…" I looked down, tears prickling my eyes. Edward cupped my cheek and tilted my face to look at him.

"I will handle Jacob." The finality in his voice was startling but I wasn't interested in pressing the issue any further. He pressed a kiss to the worried crease in my forehead. "I don't want you to worry about any of this my sweet love. I swear to you it will work out. Esme, Carlisle and the rest of the family would move to the edge of the earth to keep us together. Jacob Black will see reason or so help me God…" he trailed off, opting to keep the severity of his plan to himself but I knew Edward and I knew the thoughts that were going through his advanced mind. "Come, love, let's get to the house," he kissed my forehead once more then helped me dress and slide back into the front seat before adjusting himself and getting back behind the wheel. He took my hand and kissed my fingers, giving them a squeeze and giving me a smile before pulling back onto the road. I stared out the window praying he was right.

"You two sure took the long way home, if you know what I mean," Emmett's booming voice came from across the living room as we walked through the door. Edward was far past the point of being embarrassed about our sexual relationship, but it still colored my cheeks a deep crimson to hear Emmett's jokes.

"Please express my apologies to Rosalie," Edward said with a grin. Emmett and I both looked at him confused. "What seemed long to you was merely a quickie for us," he laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. My blush deepened and I shook my head with a laugh and shoved into Edward's chest. He chuckled and pulled me closer to him, wrapping both arms around me.

"Look who's hilarious now that he finally lost his virginity. Thank God you came along Bella, another decade of celibacy and Edward's dick would have packed up his balls and moved on down the highway," he said with a snort at his own imagery.

"Stop being annoying, Emmett," Rosalie said as she entered through the back door. She smiled warmly at me and crossed the room with her arms open. This was the very last reception I expected to receive from Rosalie. She'd never been coy about expressing her feeling on the subject of my change and now that I had made my final decision, I had wrongfully assumed she would be even more cold and standoffish then usual. She hugged me but her body seemed tense and then it struck me: this was not Rosalie's choice to be so welcoming. Edward's tightly drawn lips as he watched our embrace clearly expressed her thoughts and his involvement in her actions. I decided to accept whatever niceties Rosalie chose to bestow on me, regardless of how forced they were. When my body tensed she stepped away and glided up the stairs, muttering to herself.

Jasper rounded the corner then with a wide grin and a light wave which was the most welcoming gesture he was ever able to muster for me but his face wasn't drawn like Rosalie's, this was sincere. He gave me a wink and sat on the couch beside Emmett. His posture seemed comparatively relaxed to how he usually was around me and he radiated a cool confidence that I'd never felt from him before.

"Jasper is very pleased with your decision," Edward whispered in my ear. Jasper looked up, obviously having heard Edward's reasoning and beamed at me. After the interaction with Rosalie, Jasper's excitement was very welcome. I smiled back and went to sit beside Emmett on the couch.

"Thanks," I muttered to Jasper who sat on the other side of Emmett. He smiled and turned his attention back to huge flat screen TV. My history with Jasper was spotty at best and I was eager to have the opportunity to become closer with him after my change. I always loved and respected him, but his inability to control his thirst as steadfastly as the other Cullen's always posed a challenge in our friendship being that he wanted to, you know, kill me almost every second of the day.

Edward came and sat beside me, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind me and I snuggled into his chest. "Are you sure you want this, babe?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. I turned my head and looked at him questioningly. "I mean this is pretty much it. There's not a lot to do for eternity. There's a lot of time to watch really bad TV." I laughed and kissed him briefly. I could feel Jasper's eyes trained on us as my heart rate increased and he silently excused himself from the room.

"First of all, 'I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here' is the best show of this or any generation and second of all, you know with Bella around forever, we'll be battling ancient vampire covens and teenaged werewolves just like old times," Emmett interjected.

"God I hope not. I'm really looking forward to some boring," I said with a laugh, resting my head on Edward's shoulder. "And this show looks stupid," I added. Emmett huffed and turned off the TV and was out of the room before I could reconcile what happened. I looked up at Edward who was stifling a laugh. "Is he that enamored with watching two-bit nobodies eat whatever that is they were eating?"

"It's not you – everyone's been giving him shit lately. He needs to get some real hobbies outside of video games and reality TV. And Rosalie," he said with a smirk.

My heart twisted at her name, "She really hates that we're doing this, doesn't she?"

Edward tightened his arm around me. "You're always far more observant than I give you credit for. She will get over it, do not concern yourself with her." Edward straightened up then and whispered that Carlisle and Esme were home. In an old habit from having to sneak around Charlie, I pulled out of Edward's embrace. He laughed and shook his head, taking my hand.

"I thought I heard you, my darling daughter-in-law. It's wonderful to see you," said Esme gliding across the living room with her arms outstretched. I sank into her embrace, immediately missing Renee. I pushed those thoughts to the side and smiled at Carlisle over her shoulder. Esme passed me to him and his embrace was equally as welcoming.

"Not now, Carlisle," I heard Edward mutter next to me, giving his Esme a peck on the cheek. Esme just smiled at me and squeezed my hand, excusing herself to her bedroom. I looked from Carlisle whose eyes were trained on Edward to the face of my husband, his jaw clenched and his hands fisted at his sides. "Ask her yourself," he spat and tightly took my hand in his.

My eyes met Carlisle's soft expression. "Bella, I wanted to talk to you in private if you would allow me to. I know Edward told you about my concerns before you left New Hampshire but I assure you, I do not think you're crazy. I want to speak to you about this decision in more detail, explain the effects and what you should expect." I was silent and Edward was seething beside me but Carlisle's voice was so welcoming I couldn't help but want to hear him out. "I know you've had a very trying couple of days, but this shouldn't take long. Your husband will vacate the house so we can speak in complete privacy."

"No!" Edward barked, causing the back window to shake. I squeezed his hand in mine and patted his arm.

"Edward, it's ok. I think it's wise for me to hear Carlisle out," I said, trying to keep my tone as light as possible to soothe him.

Edward turned to face me, "I don't mind him going over the effects, I do mind being banished from the premises. I won't leave you," he said bringing a hand to my cheek.

I smiled and nodded against his cool fingers. "I know you don't like being unable to protect me, but I think it's best that I be able to speak freely with Carlisle and vice versa. You know everything I would say to him and you will immediately know everything that took place as soon as you return." Edward tensed beside me, his look indignant. "Please?" I added, giving his hand another squeeze.

Jasper and Emmett bounded down the stairs then, "Ready, brother?" Emmett asked with a grin. Edward's eyes snapped to Carlisle's then leaned over to kiss me on the forehead.

"If you are certain that is what you want, I'll happily go." That was his Hail Mary pass, a thinly veiled attempt to make me feel bad about my decision. My lips formed a perfect line and I nodded once. Edward dropped his hand from my face and silently left through the back door, Emmett and Jasper a blur as they quickly followed him out.

The tension in the room was heavy as I shifted my gaze from the back door to Carlisle. "Please tell me one of the effects of the change will be that Edward will begin trusting me to not fall over and inadvertently kill myself if he's not beside me every second of every day."

Carlisle chuckled beside me, "Not likely, unfortunately."

I rolled my eyes and groaned, "Alright Doc, let's go sort out my brain," I said walking towards Carlisle's office. Once inside I took a seat on the leather chair across from his huge mahogany desk. He settled into the large wingback chair on the other side of the desk and put his hand on a stack of books beside him.

"I'd like to first make it clear that I am thrilled at your decision to join our family. I truly believe that the Cullen's will finally be complete with your addition and I could not be more elated that you are who Edward has chosen to be with forever." He paused and looked out the window, then back into my eyes. "The love I have for my first son is unparalleled. I love all of my children of course but those years when it was just Edward and I were some of the most excruciating and exhilarating of my life. Watching his development through his transition from being a newborn, to his insolent middle years and when he finally found himself again and came back to me; the bond I have with Edward is unflagging." He paused, his eyes taking in my face and a smile lingering on his lips. "I always hoped Edward would find companionship especially after I found Esme. I'd hoped Rosalie would be his mate but they never quite saw eye to eye and I'm disappointed to say that still hasn't changed," he said with a grin. I couldn't think of what to say so I waited for him to continue. "Edward spent most of his time before you came into the picture as a hollow creature, just getting by day to day, finding little joy in life and constantly warring with his own humanity. But since you walked into his life, after the difficult beginning, all of that has changed. He believes in himself and he knows he is capable of love and is worthy of all of the good things available to him. His demeanor has changed and it's because of you. I know he makes it known to you everyday but I just wanted to reiterate how much you mean to him, and to all of us. Your deep love and compassion is unrivaled and I can't thank you enough for everything you've given to Edward and to all of us."

The tears were rolling down my cheeks without my knowledge. Carlisle's eyes were so disturbingly honest as he spoke the words that I knew in my heart but had never crossed his lips. I looked down at my lap and smiled. "Thank you," I muttered and he sat back in his chair.

"You're more than welcome," he said with a reassuring smile. I wiped the tears away and returned his smile. He shifted and put his hand back on top of the stack of books beside him. "I pulled some pertinent reading material for you. These are some of the foremost scholars in our world, which can help give you an idea of what to expect. There's also a semi-fictional retelling of Esme's transition that she penned a couple of decades ago. She romanticized it a little more then I would have been comfortable with but it's a rather accurate chronicle. I realize that because you have to sleep it may take you far longer then necessary to get through these so I put them in order for you. Even if you only get through the first two cover to cover that should give you a healthy understanding. The rest can be used for reference."

"Thank you for that, I am eager to read Esme's book. I didn't know she was a published author," I said with a smile. He nodded and leaned forward.

"I suspect you have some technical questions for me," he said, his chin resting on his folded hands. I nodded and looked out the window then back to him.

"Well, I guess my big question is: how long will it take before I feel normal again? I guess normal isn't the right word. Just, like I don't want to murder everything within a 100-mile radius? How will everything be handled with Charlie and Renee? What if I end up like Alice and I can't remember any of my former life? What if I can't even remember Edward? Do you have any indication if I might have some sort of cool hidden mind-reading power? Do you think that Edward will be able to read my mind after the change?" After the first question, the dam broke and all of the rest came tumbling out of my mouth. I could have kept going for days but Carlisle put his hand up and stopped me with a chuckle. I sheepishly smiled and slunk down in my chair.

"There's really no standard that will dictate when your bloodlust will subside. We will have to train you to not adhere to your inherent instincts and slowly teach you to live your life as a vegetarian and that could take some time. There may be some painful trial and error but you must allow it to happen and take it in stride. I have recommended that Edward perform the procedure in Denali with our cousins as they live far from humans, but he insists he wants to do it in your cabin. That is between the two of you and of course I will respect your decision. As for any resolution for Charlie and Renee, Esme and I will do everything we can to help them through their grief, as we will be likewise grieving Edward's death. We will maintain a friendship with them for years to come so that you can keep as much or as little connection to them as you like. Obviously, you can never actually speak with them again but there are ways to be in someone's life without their knowledge." He sat back on his chair and drummed his fingers on his desk, a trait he'd obviously developed to placate his patients if he was sitting too still for too long. "Most vampires remember their former lives; Alice is a very rare exception to that rule and I am assured you will remember Edward. The bond you share is too strong for any other kind of outcome. It is unclear if Edward will be able to read your mind after your change but it usually is easier for him to pick up the thoughts of our own kind then that of humans so it is likely. As for a secret power as you put it, not all of our kind are blessed with one and it is actually extremely rare contrary to what my family would indicate."

I nodded and pursed my lips against the second barrage of questions that wanted to squeak through. "I hope Edward can't read my mind still. I'll have to censor myself constantly."

Carlisle chuckled, "You can certainly attempt it but trust me when I say it gets irritating quickly and you end up just showing him everything."

"What should we do about the tribe…and Jacob?" Carlisle nodded and sat forward again.

"That is a tricky situation but I have made it clear to Edward that your wishes to be changed far outweighs anything else. As long as you want this life, we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. You are a part of this family already and your permanence here would only serve to complete us further. If we have to leave, we will leave." His words had a tinge of finality to them, much like Edward's words on the subject. "But I think it is wise for you to discuss this with Billy and Sue. They may not understand but I have to believe they will be supportive." We were silent for a few moments as I pondered his words, my cheeks dampened by a new wave of tears.

"I don't want you to have to leave."

Carlisle waved his hand through the air. "We would likely have to move soon anyway as people are beginning to get suspicious of our lack of aging so the point is moot." My eyes traveled over the expanse of the wall of photographs and paintings behind him, taking in the rich history, understanding that soon I would be fully a part of that life. Carlisle cleared his throat and smiled, "I have one question for you, Bella, if you don't mind." I nodded my head. "Why do you want to do this now? I am aware it is what you wanted after you wedding but you changed your mind for some reason and I would just like to know what is different this time. Why do you want to do this now?" His eyes scrutinized my face closely. Here is the psychoanalysis part of the evening.

I shifted under his gaze, careful to keep my poker face and looked him in the eye. "I knew when I made the decision to wait that I was simply delaying the inevitable but I wanted a chance to have a somewhat normal life with Edward for a while. I wanted to have the opportunity to be teenagers together and have our own space and try college and make new friends and see what all of that was like. What I've realized is that our life will never be normal. We sleep on an air mattress because I wanted to feel normal but every time we make love he pops the stupid thing with his teeth and it reminds me that we are so far from normal we can't even make it out in the distance anymore. There is nothing normal about either of us and it's silly to keep trying to push us to be something we're not." Carlisle nodded but didn't interrupt, encouraging me to continue. "I love Edward with all of my heart and sometimes our life together becomes strained because of my mortality. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Edward is who I want for eternity and it is within my power to make our lives completely equal so I should do that. I guess what I'm saying is I'm ready to settle down. He has my heart, I wear his ring, but there will always be this other thing between us. If I don't do this, there will always be things that he will try to shield me from, he will always have to leave on hunting trips and I can never be fully integrated into this family." I kept my face hard, forcing the tears to stay in my tear ducts. Carlisle didn't react at first and I was scared that I hadn't properly passed whatever kind of test I'd just walked into.

After what seemed like decades Carlisle shifted in his chair and nodded once. "I was hoping you'd say that," he said with a grin and stood, walking around the desk and kneeling beside my chair. "I want you to know that we are all here for you through this difficult time and will do anything to make it easier for both of you. If you ever have any questions that I can help with, please don't hesitate to come to me."

The breath that I didn't know I was holding hissed passed my teeth and I shook gently and smiled at him, the tears I was trying to hold back seeping out of my eyes now. "Does that mean I passed?" I asked and Carlisle grinned, nodding his head. He helped me stand and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you," he said, gripping his shirt in my hands. "I can't thank you enough. I know you mean everything to Edward and your approval means so much to me."

"It appears as though your husband has decided our time is up," he said just before Edward skidded around the corner. Carlisle released me from his hug and I flung myself into Edward's arms, crying into his chest. Edward's eyes were trained on Carlisle's as he read his thoughts and then broke into a grin and leaned down to kiss me.

"Thank you, Carlisle," he said looking up at him before turning back to me and smiling broadly. "Thank you," he said softly to me before dipping his head to press his lips against mine. "I want you for eternity, too," he said pulling away from my lips with a wide smile.

"Here's hoping Billy and Sue understand," I muttered into Edward's shirt. He squeezed me tighter as my mind drifted to the final uphill battle of this long story. I would discuss the issue with Billy first as he was likely to react in a more businesslike manner. This was not going to be easy but I was determined and I couldn't wait to get started.

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**Reviews = Love**


	8. Determined

**AN: **It didn't take me a decade to update! We're almost there people, just a few chapters left. Please let me know your thoughts!

**Disclaimer: **I have no rights to these characters.

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**Chapter 7 – Determined**

_Edward and I escaped Charlie's house in the middle of the night for the sanctuary of our cottage. It almost hurts to be here and remember how adorable it is, and how incredibly comfortable we are here. The stress of the day ahead is beginning to wear on me and I can tell Edward is concerned by the way he keeps staring at me. As soon as I can peel myself off of this couch I'll go to La Push to talk to Billy and then to Charlie's to have dinner with Sue. In less than twelve hours my future will be decided and I only have so much control over the outcome. I can only pray that they will be as understanding as Carlisle predicts. _

I closed my journal with a sigh and rested my head against the back of the couch. Edward walked around the corner, gloriously naked, and stopped in his tracks, his eyes staring at me.

"What?" I asked, my hand immediately going to my nose, checking for any unattractive nose ornaments. Edward shook his head and walked slowly towards me. I patted my hair self-consciously.

"I told you this morning we weren't allowed to be clothed and you have clothes on. Not okay," he said sliding down on the couch beside me and kissing the tip of my nose.

I chuckled and snuggled into his side. "I got cold. I'm sorry, love," I said and kissed his chiseled bicep.

He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sure snuggling into me is really helping that problem."

I couldn't help but giggle against his arm. "I can take my shirt off if it will make you happy." He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the carpet. I knew his playfulness was an attempt to lighten my mood and I appreciated his ability to make me forget what we were up against, even for a short period of time. I pulled the shirt over my head and tossed it on the ground beside the couch. He turned and raked his eyes over my chest with a grin. "Happy now?" I asked, sliding a hand up his arm and into his hair, rubbing his head with my fingernails and eliciting a soft moan from him.

"Much," he said with a smile and leaned down to press his lips to mine. He pulled away and sighed, resting his forehead against mine. "You have to believe we're going to be okay no matter what."

I pulled away from him, startled by his statement, I was certain I had been as nonchalant as possible. "Did you figure out how to read my mind?"

"I don't need to read your mind to know what you're thinking. I know you and I know what's going on in your beautifully complicated mind. Plus you haven't kissed me that chastely since high school."

"First of all, if it had been up to me I _never_ would have kissed you chastely. That was all your doing. And second…" I paused and looked down at his hand in mine, "I do believe we're going to be okay, I'm just nervous. I kind of just want to get it over with so that we can move on and figure out the next step." He nodded and kissed the top of my head and squeezed my hand in his.

"Let me make you breakfast and then I'll drop you off at Billy's and then take you to Sue's." I nodded against his arm as I played with his fingers. "Tonight I want us to stay here and just have some time to ourselves, regardless of what happens."

Far sooner than I would have liked, Edward cleared my breakfast plates and we got dressed for the day. My hands trembled as we walked through the back doors and took a few steps into the forest.

Edward put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me to him, looking down at me. "Do you want to go over what you're going to say to him?" I shook my head and forced a smile for his sake.

"No, I'm ready. I'm good. I can handle it." Edward looked at me carefully and then nodded once before flinging me on his back and taking off in a superhuman sprint through the woods. The wind whipped at my cheeks as I hugged my body close to his. I kissed his neck as he ran and his hands gripped my legs tighter around his waist, giving my knees a reassuring squeeze. He halted on the same patch of earth he'd stopped the Volvo a few nights ago and helped me down. He was silent for a second, his eyes trained on the edge of the forest.

"It sounds like we're in luck. Jacob has taken leave for a few days and Seth is once again guarding this area. He'll meet you just on the other side and lead you through the forest like before," Edward paused and looked down at me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I'd been staring at the tree line, my forehead creased with worry but I shook that away as I turned to face him. "Billy is home and it seems as though he's expecting you though the reason isn't completely clear. He knows of our plans but he doesn't know the exact purpose of your visit today."

I steeled myself beside him and squared my shoulders before leaning up on my toes to kiss Edward briefly. He breathed into my hair that he'd stay here and wait for me and I nodded against his neck. "Thank you. I'll see you as soon as possible." He nodded tensely and I walked towards the trees.

As soon as I was over the line and through the beginnings of the harsh underbrush, Seth was beside me in human form, his arms outstretched. My jaw was set and the thoughts running through my mind were so determined that I barely felt it when he pulled me into a scorching hug. I faintly heard him as he began talking a mile a minute beside me, animatedly telling me about the fight he got into with Jacob and how I was right to be doing what I was doing and how great he thought Edward and the rest of the Cullen's were. I pushed through the last of the brush and saw the old garage come into focus. My stomach turned as I looked at it. Jacob and I had been so carefree here, laughing and joking and just being kids; back when things were a lot less complicated and Jacob and I were still just us. Part of me missed those days but I quickly shoved those thoughts away. The memories of those times we spent were a tiny part of the bigger picture of my life at that time. "The Dark Ages" as Charlie still (half) jokingly referred to it.

At some point Seth stayed behind within the confines of the trees as I pressed forward, my arm outstretched prematurely to knock on the door. The absence of a plan suddenly weighed heavy on my mind but I clenched my jaw and knocked more forcefully then I had anticipated. My mind was blank as I heard some rustling from the other side of the door and then Billy's deep voice croaking out a "Hold on!" followed by the door being wrenched open.

Billy stared at me for a second, obviously not surprised to see me but not excited about it either. He grumbled something and then opened the door, wheeling back to his favorite spot in the room. "Jacob's not here," he huffed as I walked through the door and closed the door behind me.

I looked down at my shaking hands I clasped them around each other. I looked Billy in the eye then and said, "I'm not here to see Jacob. I came to talk to you." Billy huffed again and nodded towards the couch. I perched on the edge, remembering the day I'd nearly drowned and spent the afternoon sleeping it off on this very piece of furniture. I shook my head and spread my fingers apart on my knees.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, though his voice was less then cordial. I nodded once at my fingertips then snapped my head up.

"I know you know about my decision to complete my life with Edward," I started, staring him straight in the eyes. "And I'm certain by now that you know I've been to talk to Sam about this issue." Billy didn't make and sign that he was aware of any of the things I was saying. He had one hell of a poker face. "I can only imagine what you must think of all of this, and I can't say I blame you for feeling the way you must. Jacob's reaction is enough to give anyone pause." I didn't dare even blink as I spoke to him, determined to show how resolute I was in this decision. "But I know what I want, and I want to be with Edward for eternity."

The room fell silent but for our breathing the clock ticking on the wall over the television. I could feel the perspiration begin to bubble on my temple but I didn't move to wipe it off, too scared to show even the slightest sign of weakness. Billy's stare scrutinized every aspect of my posture; my facial expression and finally he cleared his throat. "Jacob's opinions are his own and mine have nothing to do with his," he said plainly, his ancient eyes boring into my face. "My issue is with my best friend and your father, Charlie." My stomach clenched at his words, how could I possibly convince him to sign off on this? I was fighting a losing battle. "How can you do this to him, Isabella?" he asked softly and looked away, his eyes searching for something unseen.

The question lingered between us and I knew that there was no way any answer would suffice. I squared my shoulders and opted for the simple honest truth. "Because I love him."

"And your father and mother, don't you love them?" Billy snapped.

I dropped my head into my hands and nodded my head, tears threateningly dancing at the edge of my lashes. I would not allow them to fall. "Of course I do, Billy," I stated, looking back into his eyes. "But I can't continue living my life this way. Charlie has Sue and Renee has Phil. They will be fine without me, they will be properly watched over and taken care of by their new loves. I know it will be hard for them – and me – but I have to start my own life." Billy was completely silent, the wall clock growing increasingly loud with every tick of the second hand. I softened my approach and leaned forward. "Look, I'm not asking you to understand or condone my actions. I would have given up fighting for me and Edward years ago if I didn't truly know that it was worth it to keep fighting. He and I are bonded in ways that I can't even completely comprehend and we need to be together for eternity." I paused and smoothed my hands over my jeans again, looking back into Billy's eyes. "I know that this isn't the ideal situation but what choice do I have? I know you would give anything to have Jacob's mom back and before Sue, Charlie would have given anything to have a second chance with Renee. I would give anything to be with Edward completely unbound by my mortality."

"I cannot agree to this, Bella," Billy muttered with finality. My heart sank into my stomach and the tears began to slip down my cheeks. I nodded against my hands. I scoured my mind, trying to think of what to say to make Billy change his mind, to see reason, to understand my perspective, but nothing came.

I didn't dare look up at him as I stood to leave. "It doesn't matter whether or not you agree," I said quietly as I made my way to the door. I looked back into the small house through my tears, memorizing every detail, knowing I would never be there again.

Billy didn't make a sound as I slipped back through the door of the small house and began my zombie walk in the direction of where Edward awaited me. I couldn't feel the earth under the ground or even see Seth as I spread the first layer of trees. He put a comforting arm around me and let me sob into his shoulder as he led me back towards my salvation. I hadn't felt this excruciatingly empty since Edward left all those years ago. I now had to pin all of my hopes on my father's fiancée and I knew the odds were stacked against me.

"Hold on a second," I whispered to Seth as we approached the edge of the forest. I brusquely wiped the tears off my cheeks and took a deep breath, determined to show my previous strength. I pushed my shoulders back and forced my face into a smile as I turned to thank him. He nodded, too alarmed by my show of emotion to say anything, and I turned around to finish my walk towards Edward.

As soon as I was through the brush he was there, his arms encircling me. "It doesn't matter, Bella. Do you hear me?" he asked, looking into my eyes. "We'll leave. It doesn't matter." I felt catatonic as he spoke, unwilling to allow myself to cry anymore. "Please say something. I can see how upset you were in Seth's thoughts. Please be honest with me."

"I'm fine," I said bluntly and pressed my face into his shirt.

Edward pushed me off of him and held me at arm's length, his eyes boring into mine. "Don't do that. Don't shut me out because you're scared. My job as your husband is to take care of you. You have to let me do that. What are you thinking?"

I swallowed hard and looked to the ground briefly before looking back up at him. "I just – I'm so tired of fighting. I feel like we've been fighting this uphill battle forever and I'm just – It's worth fighting for, for sure. I just…wish it was easy."

Edward was silent as he pulled me back into his chest, his hand soothing the back of my head as he held me there, his cold arms enveloping me completely. I clung to the shirt covering his back and as he rocked me gently. "I would settle for moderately difficult at this point," he said finally. "That would at least be manageable." I nodded into his chest and he pulled me tighter to him. It was comforting to hear him agree with me, knowing that he felt the same. "Do you want to go back to the cottage for a little while, just until you calm down?"

I shook my head, "No, I want to just go and get this over with." He looked at me once warily then hoisted me onto his back and took off in the opposite direction through the woods. I still felt numb as Charlie's backyard came into focus through the trees. Edward slowed his pace to a human walk and helped me off his back, then leaned a hand against a nearby tree and strained his face toward the house.

"Sue is there and she's alone. She talked to Sam – and to Billy – but it sounds like she…is undecided." Edward looked towards me regrettably, wishing he had better news to impart.

"Undecided is good. At least it isn't a no," I said, my brain finally functioning in my body again and I took his hand in mine, tracing light circles on his palm. He stared down at me intently, the look he always got when he was trying to read my thoughts crossing his face.

Edward's phone began ringing then and he pulled it out his pocket quickly, "Alice, what is it?" he asked quickly and my eager eyes tried to read his face. He nodded, "Yeah, that's all I'm getting from her thoughts as well. That's what Bella said, too. Undecided is good. Thank for your help, we'll keep you posted." He flipped his phone shut and for once I didn't even have to ask what the conversation was about.

"Ok," I said taking a deep breath, "I'm going in." I gave Edward a wry smile and with one final squeeze of his hand, walked the rest of the way towards the house.

With every step I took, my heart rate accelerated. Again, my severe lack of plan was staring me in the face and I couldn't help but be terrified. This was it. My future depended on this conversation. If I couldn't convince Sue, we would have to leave. I would have to force my new family into some unknown distant location, constantly on edge in case Jacob decided to show up at the zero hour against Sam's demands.

I unconsciously knocked on the door and Sue's smiling face appeared in the window before pulling the door open. "Bella, you don't have to knock on the door at your own house," she said with a smile before pulling me into a hug. The smell of baked chicken wafted towards me and I didn't realize how hungry I was, I didn't even know what time of day it was. "Tonight's your dad's late night at the station but I thought I'd get a head start on the cooking for the week. You look famished, let me fix you a plate," she said and I followed her to the small kitchen. She placed a plate on the kitchen table and invited me to sit down. It felt weird to feel out of place in my own house, but I did for some reason.

"Thanks," I muttered and picked up my fork, spearing as much as I could manage in one bite and shoving it into my mouth. Sue chuckled and brought me a glass of water and sat across from me. "This is fantastic," I said between bites.

Sue smiled warmly. "It's one of your dad's favorites – and it's your recipe," she said with a wink. I swallowed the bite in my mouth and smiled. She cleared her throat and shifted her weight before speaking again. "I know why you're here, Bella," she said softly. I figured as much but I appreciated her taking the pressure off of me to start this uncomfortable conversation. "I spoke with Sam and with Billy of course and I understand the situation. And of course Seth has been lobbying for you nonstop. He adores Edward and all of the Cullen's." The emotion in her voice was hard to read and I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore, putting my fork down I looked into her eyes.

"I know this is hard for you – I had really hoped that it wouldn't come down to this but…well, you obviously know what Billy's reaction was." She nodded once and then reached out a hand to cover mine.

"I don't share his sentiments," she said plainly and I searched her eyes for an indication of the meaning of her words. She sat back in her chair and looked out the window. "This is an incredibly difficult position to be put into, that's for certain but I can't help but sympathize with you. It's no secret to you or Charlie or anyone else that I lost the love of my life two years ago. Much like I'll never be able to replace Renee, Charlie will never be able to replace Harry." She paused and looked back at me, her eyes glistening as she took in my confused expression. "I have seen the way you look at him and it reminds me of the way I once looked at Harry. I can't stand in the way of that."

My eyes locked on hers, searching her face for confirmation of what I thought I'd just heard. "So you…?" I couldn't even finish the sentence; I was too scared to say it for fear I had misunderstood.

"Yes, I support you, Bella," she said placing her hand over mine. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest at her simple statement.

Tears silently rolled down my cheeks as I smiled and squeezed her hand. "Thank you," I whispered and ducked my head as more tears fell. There was a pregnant pause and then my head caught up with me. We can stay in Forks, the treaty will be amended, but what about Jacob? I'd unintentionally said the last part of my thoughts aloud.

Sue sat back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought for sure Billy would have told you," she said looking through the back window. I shook my head and searched her face for clues. "Your dear friend Jacob imprinted on my daughter."

"He what?! How is that even possible? Shouldn't it have happened far earlier than now? They're around each other constantly and neither of them knew?" the words spewed out of me. I was shocked and elated for my former best friend.

Sue bit her bottom lip and continued, "We're not really sure why it took so long. My personal guess is that my stubborn kid imprinted on him long ago but went against nature by forcing herself not to act on it."

I snorted, "That sounds like Leah." Sue laughed and nodded her head in agreement. "I really can't thank you enough for being so compassionate."

Sue waved her hand as if to nonchalantly wave away my words, "Please, Bella. I love your father and I love you and I want what is best for you both." She paused and released my hand before sitting forward. "You know, I have heard Edward remark that you are far more intuitive then he gives you credit for and I believe that must be a family trait because your father is far more observant than I ever imagined." She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before continuing. "He knows there's something…different about the Cullen's and about the Quileute boys."

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. "He…knows?" I asked tentatively.

Sue shook her head with a small chuckle. "No, he doesn't _know_ know. He just has a sense that something is different. He knows that I know but he has requested that I keep him on a need-to-know-basis. And he asked if you were safe with Edward." My eyes locked on hers again, my head quickly trying to calculate this new information. "I told him that you are unequivocally protected by him." I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled my thanks. "I'm encouraged that you may be able to maintain a relationship even after your transformation."

"That's not possible," I said simply, my heart feeling heavy at the truth of my own words.

Sue smiled warmly, "He's very open-minded, Bella. Once you've left, I'll explain to him that something has happened but he can't know what it is yet. I will be there for him during your faked death and whatever comes afterwards but my hope is that there will be a time where you will be able to have a relationship with your father. After your bloodlust subsides, of course." The thought twisted my stomach and I placed a hand over my abdomen. We were silent for a moment as I thought over the possibility of continuing to have Charlie in my life in some capacity. As hopeful as that idea sounded, I couldn't imagine it actually becoming a reality. Charlie may be observant but there was no way he could possibly be that understanding. A million questions raced through my mind, but I didn't know where to start. I wanted to know more about Jacob and Leah and I wanted to know how much Charlie actually knew but Sue spoke again before I had a chance to release the floodgates. "Is your husband within ear shot? I'd like the opportunity to speak with both of you."

Before I could even utter the words, Edward was in the room and hugging me tightly to his chest before releasing me and going to Sue. "Thank you. I just…I'm not one to be at a loss for words but I honestly can't express what this means to us." Sue had never been affectionate with the Cullen's but allowed Edward to wrap one arm around her shoulders as he spoke. She quickly shrugged out of his grip and nodded, inviting him to sit.

"You're very welcome, Edward, but honestly I should be thanking you. I would never have been okay with this if it wasn't for you. You can protect Bella in a way that she cannot receive from anyone else and that's really all her father wants for her. And I only have on request in return," she said, looking back and forth between us.

"Anything," Edward said resolutely.

Sue searched his face for a second and I could tell that Edward read her mind before the words left her lips but he gave no indication of what she would say. "Once Bella's bloodlust subsides, I want you to make sure she and Charlie have a chance at a real relationship. I'm sure you heard me explain to Bella that Charlie knows there is something different about you. After Bella 'passes on' I will explain that she's not technically dead without getting into specifics as he has requested. I will help him through all of this but I want you to promise me that as soon as she's ready, _your_ definition of ready," she added with a wink, "that you will let him see her and make his own decision."

"As long as it is in the best interest of everyone involved, I am happy to oblige your request. Please understand though that it could take years, decades even." My heart sank further into my stomach at his words, sucking away the elation I'd felt at the prospect of keeping Charlie in my life in some capacity.

"I completely understand. I just know he would want the opportunity to be in Bella's life in some way, if possible." Edward nodded and turned to me for a reaction.

The silence in the room descended upon me. I wanted to cry and jump for joy simultaneously. I wanted to run circles around the house and scream at the top of my lungs. But I was trapped in a stunned silence, my eyes trained on the wall between the two of them, undoubtedly glossed over with unshed tears. Edward reached across the table and touched my cheek gently and smiled warmly. Slowly, my eyes met his and the tears I'd been holding back cascaded down my cheeks and I jumped into his lap, causing both he and Sue to chuckle. I hugged him tightly, pulling him close and burying my face in his neck as I cried. He ran soothing hands up and down my back as my body shook with the stress of the last week slowly draining out of me.

"I love you," he said softly into my hair and I couldn't do anything but nod against him and hold him tighter to me, my arms like a vice around his neck. "Let's go home." He stood me up and we said our goodbyes to Sue, or more accurately, Edward said goodbye, I blubbered into her shirt and thanked her so profusely I think she started to get annoyed by it. I promised to spend as much time as possible with my father for the remainder of the week and told her to tell Leah I said congratulations when she saw her next. Apparently Sam had sent Jacob and Leah away for a while until they could better control their thoughts with the pack.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience as Edward raced through the woods. His cell phone rang mid-stride and he stopped on a dime to answer it, causing me to lurch forward and almost fly off of him. I knew I was slightly slap happy when I couldn't help but laugh maniacally at our almost fall. He laughed with me and held me tight as he answered his phone.

"Hey Alice – yes, she – I know we – I was going to – wait, he's what? No, not now. Tell him no." I asked him what was going on and he shifted the phone away from his mouth. "Apparently Emmett has decided tonight's the night for the party."

I was in such a buoyant mood that the scowl I'd intended turned into a wide grin and an enthusiastic nod of my head. Edward's eyes widened and he told Alice we'd be right over then hung up. "You don't have to do it for him," he said, his eyebrows still pinched together, trying to get a read on my motives.

I couldn't help the idiotic smile that crept upon my lips. "I want to. Think of how fun it will be!" I nearly yelled it and Edward chuckled, pulling me tighter against him.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this giddy and bubbly. You're adorable," he said into my ear. I grinned and wrapped my arms tight around his and stood on my toes to reach his ear.

"I get to keep you forever. How could I be anything but ecstatic?" I whispered and he turned his head and kissed my neck softly, his arms tightening around me further. He kissed his way down my jaw and across my cheek to my lips. My entire body caught fire when he pressed his lips to mine tenderly.

He pulled away and sighed against my cheek, his hand rubbing circles across my lower back. "Thank you," he breathed, his cool breath washing over my face and causing my knees to go weak. He held me close to keep me upright and smiled into my hair. "Let's go home." He started to pull me back onto his back but stopped abruptly and whipped his head around to stare into the trees. "Oh!" he said and my eyes followed the path that his made. There was a rustling of branches and I took a step behind Edward although from his posture it didn't seem like there was any real danger. "It's Jacob," he muttered, mere seconds before my former best friend peeled back the last of the branches in his path and appeared before us. I almost ran to him and forgave everything, a deep desire to celebrate our mutual happiness coursing through me but I couldn't. Too much had happened.

Jacob's eyes cast downward as he stood awkwardly across from us. He kept beginning to open his mouth to speak but would then snap his lips closed and shake his head, apparently unsatisfied with whatever was about to come out.

"Spit it out, Jacob," I said, moving to stand beside Edward to take his hand in mine. Edward smiled down at me in an act of reassurance that Jacob's visit would be more pleasant then I hoped.

Jacob's eyes flashed towards our clasped hands and then to my face, to Edward's and then back to the ground. "You'll have to say it aloud so she can hear you, Jacob," Edward said softly. I looked up at him and cocked my head but he kept his eyes trained on Jacob.

Jacob looked back to Edward and then settled his eyes on me. "I'm sorry, Bella." He sounded wounded when he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

Again I had an overwhelming desire to go to him and comfort him but I was still so upset with his childishness that all I could muster was a dissatisfied click of my tongue against my teeth. "A bit late for that."

Jacob dropped his head and slumped his shoulders and shook his head. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I didn't understand before, but now – and with Leah – I can see it." His eyes met mine again and searched for any ounce of forgiveness in my face. I tensed my jaw and tried as hard as possible to not show my waning resolve.

"So much has happened, I just don't know…" I trailed off and Edward gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "I'm very happy for you and Leah. I just wish it would have happened sooner."

Jacob snorted and nodded, "You and me both," he paused and looked down at the ground, "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but you have to understand how much I loved you – still love you, though in a different way – and how much I believed that I would eventually imprint on you." Edward shifted his weight, clearly growing disapproving at Jacob's words. Jacob looked away.

"Just say it," Edward said finally and Jacob looked back at him, then to me.

"I fully believed that your husb –" he paused and cleared his throat, "_Edward_ had tampered with our fate and had derailed the rightful course of our lives." I could hear Edward's teeth grind together sharply. "But I can understand the other side of things now. Leah is my life and I know that if anyone tried to get in the way of that I would do anything to stop them. I think it actually shows Edward's character that he didn't just rip my head off two years ago and be done with it." All of us chuckled at that and Jacob looked into my eyes, hoping for a crack in my barrier. I immediately pressed my lips back into a line and he dropped his eyes back to the ground. "I can't ask you to forgive what I did but I just want to be there for you during everything. You're going to need friends who understand and I want to help however I can if you'll let me. And if you won't rip my throat out."

"I can't promise that," I stated. Jacob sensed the faint smile that was tugging at the corners of my lips and broke into a wide grin. His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but smile slightly in response. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you fully, but I'm willing to try. I'll need your help taking care of Charlie."

"Anything. Consider it done," he said immediately. I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist and he looked down at me and smiled. Jacob turned his head away. I guess even imprinting on Leah couldn't erase those lingering feelings of jealousy.

"I'll always love you Jacob, but I just need some time."

He nodded and kicked his toe into the dirt under his feet, kicking at a rock lodged there. "Just let me know what you need from me, no matter how big or small. I just want to deserve your friendship again." I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. His face cracked into a wide grin in response. For a second I saw Jacob as I once did. My best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime. Edward squeezed my waist and smiled down at me.

"We need to get going, Jacob," I said softly and he nodded towards the ground.

"The bachelor party – Seth won't stop thinking about it," he said with a chuckle. He paused for a second and looked back to me with a hint of disappointment in his eye but he quickly masked it with a smile.

"Jake…you're welcome to come if you want to…" I said softly, unsure of whether or not he really was welcome to come, whether I actually felt that way in the least or if Edward would be okay with me extending the invitation.

Jacob's eyes locked on mine and then to Edward's. Edward nodded his head and Jacob's face broke into a tentative smile. "I'd like that, Bella."

Edward hoisted me back onto his back and Jacob transformed beside us. As we ran through the woods together I couldn't help but feel somewhat at peace. Things would never be the same but there was no way I could ever ban Jacob from my life completely. He and I were bound in a way that couldn't be broken; not in the same way as Edward and I and certainly not as intensely, but it was still there and always would be. I wasn't sure I could ever fully forgive him but I was willing to try. After years of fighting what at times seemed like a losing battle it now seemed like I may actually be able to have everything I ever wanted.

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**AN: **Aww things are working out for all those crazy kids. It's odd for me to have things work out at the end of a chapter. Weird.

OK so obvi Edward would have known about the Leah thing from Seth's thoughts but let's just pretend but somehow that isn't the case. It doesn't make sense but just a creative liberty I took to gloss over it. I really wanted Sue to be the one to tell Bella. So yeah, just work with me here.

**Reviews = Love**


	9. Bittersweet

**AN**: Thanks so much for your awesome reviews. I've been on here since like February and I just learned that there's a way to reply to them so I'm going to try to go back and do that. If you don't hear from me please know that your thoughts have not been ignored, I love every single one of them! This was a fun chapter, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I have no rights to these characters.

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Chapter 8 – Bittersweet

I was terrified of what the view would bring when we crossed the river and the house came into view but was pleasantly surprised to see that everything looked normal. Through the floor to ceiling windows I could see the smiles of my new family as they turned to face us, recognizing our approach. The bass of some unfamiliar hip hop song rattled the windows of the house and Esme hit Emmett playfully on the arm before reaching for the remote and turning down the music.

"Aw man! I was really hoping the pixie would have gone all wedding-day-insane with the decorations and really embarrass you," said Jacob after emerging from the forest in human form. Edward shot him a look at the same time I did and he quieted down instantly. "Sorry," he mumbled and placed a hand over his mouth to camouflage his smile. I could hear Edward mumble something to Jacob behind me but I ignored it. I think I faintly made out the words "thin ice."

Alice flung the back door open and came hurtling towards me with her arms outstretched and a smile the size of Russia stretched across her face. She picked me up and swung me around and I struggled to breathe. Edward grabbed her and pried her off of me and set me back down with a laugh.

"Jesus Alice, I'm not that durable yet!" I laughed, pressing a hand to my head to stop the world from spinning. Her excitement bubbled over and she threw her arms around me again, gentler this time.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited! I wish I'd had more time to plan a proper party but Emmett insisted it be tonight so please don't be upset that the house isn't decorated."

I snorted and Edward squeezed my waist and whispered "be nice" in my ear before kissing my cheek. "I'm sure it's perfect, Alice. Thank you for doing this." She nodded and grabbed my hand and I turned my head and rolled my eyes at Edward. He laughed and took my other hand as Alice dragged us both inside. It wasn't until we were up the stairs that I realized Jacob wasn't with us. I untangled myself from Edward and Alice and went back to the door. "Are you coming?" I called to him.

His eyes snapped to me from the point he was fixed on at the back of the house and shrugged. "I'm not sure I'm welcome." I looked to where he was staring to see Rosalie snarling through the window at him. Things had not gone well the last time they were in the same room.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward cross the room and place a hand on Rosalie's shoulder. They exchanged a few heated words before she stomped away from the window and plopped down on the couch. Edward rubbed his hands down his face and turned to look at me through the window and waved for us to come inside. "Of course you're welcome, Jake. Just do your best to ignore her."

I turned to walk back inside and Jacob behind me and before I had time to apologize for not announcing he would be with us, Esme pulled me into a tight hug and Carlisle shook Jacob's hand.

"I can't tell you how happy we are," Esme said into my ear and I smiled. I was passed from Esme to Carlisle and around the room. My new family offered words of congratulations and excitement, especially Emmett.

"This is fantastic!" he boomed, hugging me slightly to tight. "I'm going to miss you tripping over things and Jasper being constantly uncomfortable but I'm so excited you'll be around forever." The doorbell rang before I could respond. I looked at Edward with a questioning quirk of my eyebrow.

"Seth," he said quietly as Emmett grinned and went to get the door.

"Are you ready to party, Bella?" Seth screeched as Emmett pulled him inside. "Swiped this from my mom," he said handing Emmett a bottle of liquor. Seth's grin never faltered and I loved how much he adored the Cullen's. His eyes scanned the room and landed on Jacob, "Oh. Hey man. Don't tell Leah, OK?" he asked shrugging out of his jacket. Jacob smiled and nodded, his nervous energy causing Jasper to clear his throat. "There she is!" Seth yelled and came barreling towards me. "Did I not tell you everything would be cool? Edward, my man," he threw his hand up for a high five. Edward laughed and slapped his hand against Seth's. "Seriously, congratulations," Seth was tender for a moment as he pulled me into a scorching hug. "Get ready to get drunk."

"Seth, you're nowhere near old enough to drink," I admonished with a laugh. Emmett came over then with three shot glasses handing one to me, one to Seth and one to Jacob.

"Don't get all on your high horse, miss thing," Emmett said. "Just drink!"

"To Bella," Seth said raising his shot glass.

"To Bella," Jacob seconded.

Edward came to my side then and pulled me close to him. "I can't wait to see you drunk," he whispered into my ear and I could see Jasper tense across the room and then a wave of serenity washed through all of us. I grinned at Edward and raised my shot glass to him.

"To us," and with that I threw my head back and swallowed the searing liquid in one gulp.

"Wooo," Seth yelled, slamming his glass down on the table.

"Shit that burns," I grumbled, clutching my throat but Edward pressed his lips against mine before I could say too much else.

"All right, all right, take it easy with that stuff," said Esme as she snatched the bottle out of Emmett's hands as he tried to pour another round of shots. "The last thing we need is a couple of belligerent werewolves running around here. No offense," she added, smiling at Jacob and Seth.

"Come on, Esme! I've been looking forward to seeing Bella drunk since Edward almost killed her in the lunchroom. Don't ruin this," boomed Emmett grabbing the bottle back. Esme laughed and shook her head.

"Just pace yourselves," she said looking at each of us sternly and then lingering on Emmett. "That goes quadruple for you." Emmett rolled his eyes and finished pouring the second round.

"Mother of God it's like drinking fire!" I squealed as I threw back the second shot.

"I don't remember it being that bad," Emmett said and looked down at the bottle in his hand. He shrugged his shoulders and took a swig from the bottle. All of the other vampires in the room gasped. As soon as he lowered the bottle from his lips he threw it to Alice and excused himself from the room with Rosalie following close behind calling him an idiot.

Alice rolled her eyes and placed the bottle on the coffee table, "He does that at least once a week. As soon as you're done eating he'll grab a piece of whatever you've left and try it only to have it come right back up. You'd think he'd learn," she said with a smile. "Can I talk to privately for a moment Bella?" I nodded and followed her around the corner. "I had a vision tonight of you after your change. You're going to be absolutely stunning. I can't wait for you to see!" she said and launched herself into my arms. I giggled and teetered under her force.

"So I'll finally look like I belong with him?" I asked, stealing a glance at Edward. He was looking at me as well and smiled and waved. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips as I blushed and looked away, pushing any negative thoughts out of my mind. "Honestly, I can't imagine a happier ending," my voice cracked at the last word as I realized the double meaning of the statement. My heart started pounding and I instantly wanted another drink. Jasper must have felt my desire because he appeared next to me with a full shot glass. I smiled at him and threw it back. "Thanks," I said quietly. I snuck a look over my shoulder and saw Edward talking quietly and quickly with Carlisle as Esme brought out a big platter of food for Jacob and Seth. I laughed as I watched them devour the entire plate within seconds.

"The energy coming off of you when you walked in was infectious. Don't let your fear change that. Celebrate tonight and worry about tomorrow when it happens," Jasper said softly beside me. Alice smiled and took his hand in hers. The tenderness between them reminded me of when we fled to Phoenix together all those years ago. It seemed like centuries had passed since the run-in with James.

The third shot must have been my limit because when I turned my head back to look for Edward, my vision blurred around the edges and I couldn't help but laugh at the intense look he had on his face as he spoke to Carlisle. Edward looked up at me when he heard my laughter and smirked. God how I loved that smirk. He excused himself and stalked towards me giving Jasper and Alice a nod before pulling me behind the stairway. Someone (Alice I suspected) turned the music back up so it was blaring and lowered the lights.

"What are you laughing at, love?" he asked as he pushed my hair behind my ears. I couldn't help the ridiculous grin that was seared onto my lips.

"We're celebrating tonight and not worrying about tomorrow until…until tomorrow? I can't remember what Jasper said but that's what we're doing," I said and giggled.

Edward pushed me against the wall and nuzzled my neck. "You are so heartbreakingly beautiful right now, wife. I can't believe how lucky I am." His hands started inching their way up from my waist to the underside of my breasts

"You should really hold out, apparently I'll be way hotter after my change," I said kissing his lips lightly.

"Not even possible," he mumbled against my mouth and licked my lips.

I pushed his shoulders and he complied, pulling back from me. "We have company, husband. You can't go getting all handsy yet. Plus your parents are well within earshot."

"Don't forget they're not really my parents," he muttered and pressed himself back against me. His lips found my neck and I moaned and clutched the back of his shirt.

"You're so delicious," I croaked into his ear as his tongue ran along my neck and back up to my lips. He pressed his lips back to mine but stiffened and pulled away. "No, come back, I changed my mind!" I protested but he pulled all the way apart from me, his hand clasped in mine.

"I feel like I'm the inebriated one, love. I can't seem to control myself and you're right, we have company. We have eternity for...other things." Me and my stupid big mouth. And him and his seductively charming nonchalance. He knew he was teasing me and he was proud of it.

"You're so mean to me!" I whined and stomped away from him. I could hear him chuckle behind me as I walked over to Seth and Jacob and grabbed the last sandwich off their third tray of food.

"Hey!" Jacob yelled as I smiled and shoved the whole thing into my mouth. "Not fair, Bells. That one was mine!" I smiled, struggling to keep the overabundance of bread in my cheeks. I looked at Seth and realized that I'd walked in on some sort of serious conversation.

"Look, bro. I'm happy for you and my sister, I really am, but…can you two at least _try_ to keep it PG when we're in pack mind? You can disagree with Sam's command all day and night but you have to find a way to control it. She's my sister and his ex-girlfriend. Do you think any of us really want to have a front row seat at your naughty show?" Seth looked at me out of the corner of his eye as I snorted back my laughter, still attempting to swallow my sandwich.

Jacob ignored me and grabbed the bottle from Seth's hand, refilling his own shot glass. "You know as well as I do that it doesn't exactly work that way. We're trying to at least satiate the lust a little bit so that – " Jacob stopped talking and looked at me. "Sorry, Bells, guy talk."

I shrugged and threw my hand up for a high five. "I'm just psyched my best friend is getting some." Seth groaned and walked away as Jacob laughed and slapped my hand.

"You should probably slow down," he said grabbing the bottle from my hand before I could take a swig. I looked at him for a long moment and then grabbed his trunk of an arm and pulled him towards the back doors. I felt Edward's eyes on me and I turned and smiled at him before pulling Jacob outside onto the back deck.

"Ok, Jake, spill. I want details," I said, sitting on one of the wicker deck chairs.

Jacob ran a hand through his short hair. "I don't know. Your husband would likely rip me limb from limb." He snuck a peak back through the sliding glass door.

I waved my hand in the air to tell him not to worry about it. "Come on, this is huge. Leah's your first real girlfriend! I'm your best friend. I deserve to know."

Jacob looked at me for a long moment and then sighed. "You didn't tell me about your first time," he finally said. I knew this was his last resort.

"Edward took me to this beautiful island for our honeymoon. We swam naked under the – "

"All right that's enough," he interrupted me, putting a hand up in front of him. "I may have imprinted on someone else but that doesn't mean I want to hear about _that,_" he said with a sound of disgust in his voice. I couldn't help but laugh.

We both looked up when we heard the sliding glass door open and saw Emmett walking towards us, one hand on his stomach. "I heard your conversation, sounds like something I want to be here for," he said taking a seat next to me. "Spill, Black."

"Are you feeling better?" I asked and he nodded with a wink and pulled the liquor bottle out his pocket and handed it to me. I grabbed it and took a large gulp, the fiery flames licking at my throat on the way down.

"That's enough for now," Jacob said, snatching the bottle from me and taking a large gulp before shoving it into his pocket. I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. Emmett's booming laugh sounded beside me. "I'm not going to be murdered by her husband if she trips over herself and starts bleeding and turns into a meal," he spat.

"Chill out, man. Edward gave me the bottle to give to her." I snapped my head up to look at Emmett and his face was serious. "Now, inquiring minds want to know…" Emmett shifted forward, his elbows perched on his knees.

"It's only been about two or three days but it's pretty intense," said Jacob looking out over the backyard. "It's weird to go from like zero to sixty in such a short amount of time. I mean last week she was annoying the shit out of me and now – well, let's be honest she's Leah so she's still annoying the shit out of me but now I find it endearing. It's just so weird, it's completely against everything we know about imprinting. Why did it take so long? How could she know but not make it known? There are still so many unanswered questions."

The three of us were silent for a second and then Emmett and clapped Jacob on the shoulder. "That's all well and good but I came out here to talk about sex, not whatever lovey dovey imprinting crap we're talking about now." Jacob looked stunned and I couldn't help but double over laughing and I nearly fell out of my chair. "Easy there, Bella," Emmett said with a laugh and put a steadying hand on my shoulder. Jacob finally found the humor and chuckled a little for good measure.

I was still gasping for air from laughing so hard, "Oh my God you should have seen your face, Jake!" I squealed in between gasps. Emmett was laughing beside me, still attempting to keep me in my chair. I slowly regained control and smoothed my hands over my knees. "I'm so sorry, please continue," I said, still trying to bite back the laughter.

"The big first time wasn't really as romantic as it sounds like your was," he said, referring to the snippet I'd told him earlier. "Basically we were out running and her mind was bouncing all over the place so I told her to change into human form before I lost it. So we both go behind different trees and change back to human and get dressed and whatever. As soon as I walked out from behind the tree and saw her standing there I just felt every part of my body light on fire and this all-consuming feeling just rush over me. She looked at me and I could tell that she felt the same electric shock run through her and then we were just on each other. It wasn't sweet and it wasn't slow and it wasn't planned, but it was really hot." He laughed at his last statement and turned his head away from me.

"Damn man, that is hot! I love getting Rosalie outside in the woods. Nothing like it," Emmett said and I had to drink a little more to wash that mental image out of my head.

And I couldn't look at Jacob. I knew it was ridiculous to still feel this way after all this time but I couldn't help the twinge of jealously that went through me at his revelation. I had everything I wanted and more, I had no right to feel that way but I couldn't help it. No matter what happened between Jacob and I, I would still love him no matter what. In another world he and I would have made perfect sense together. Emmett was talking a mile a minute, explaining a particular time he and Rosalie had been together in the woods as I stood and swayed a little bit on my feet. Jacob was staring at me but pretending to listen to Emmett's rambling. I stumbled a little over my own feet as I tried to walk towards the sliding glass doors, Jacob's eyes never leaving me. I looked back at him one last time as I stepped through the back door and back towards Edward. I knew Jacob and I would always be friends but I couldn't help but feel that as I closed the door behind me, I also closed the door on a part of us that was gone forever.

I took a deep cleansing breath before turning around to scan the room. Edward was sitting on the couch, legs bent at the knee and his elbows resting on his thighs as he looked at me. The room was darkened now and I could see Jasper, Rosalie and Alice joking with each other to my left. Carlisle and Esme were sitting to my right, Carlisle whispering something in Esme's ear that caused her to giggle like one of my classmates and swat at his shoulder. I wanted to smile at their obvious flirtation but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward's intense stare. Seth was sitting beside him talking excitedly about something I couldn't quite understand having to do with computers, he apparently hadn't noticed Edward's shift in focus.

"Oh hey, Bella!" Seth said as I began stumbling towards Edward. In my head I was full of grace but in reality I'm sure I was falling over myself. Edward's eyes twinkled in the soft light and I heard Seth mumble something then slip past me and through the back door.

I stood between Edward's knees and he took my hand and kissed the back of it, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. I knew his family was there, including his parents but none of it mattered at that moment and all I could focus on was my need to feel him. Without thinking I leaned down and pressed my lips to his and instantly his tongue was rubbing against mine. We grabbed at the back of each other's heads as the kiss intensified and I straddled him on the couch. He moaned into my mouth as our bodies made contact and I tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. His hands traveled down my back and settled on my waist, his arms wrapping tightly around me, crushing our bodies together. I wanted to pull away from his lips and tell him how much I loved him, how happy I was that we were going to spend eternity like this. I knew his family was in the room and I knew I should pull away and ask him to take me to his bedroom and maintain some amount of dignity. I knew I should pull away but I couldn't. Instead I pressed my lips harder against his and wrapped my arms around him in a vice grip. I forced myself to breathe through my nose so I wouldn't have to pull away but soon Edward could sense my discomfort and released my mouth and kiss his way up my neck and to my ear, tugging on my ear lobe with his lips. I moaned and ran my hands through his hair, pulling his face so his eyes were boring into mine.

"I think I'll get you drunk more often," he quipped and I smiled before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "We successfully ran everyone out of here," he mumbled as I kissed my way across his jaw before reclaiming his lips with mine. His hands moved up the back of my shirt and my body erupted in hot fire.

The next morning I woke up to something cold on my forehead. I reached my hand up and felt Edward's cold hand cupping my face. I kept my eyes screwed shut, the sun coming in through the window already causing my head to pound. I tried as hard as I could to remember the events of the previous night but it was like I was watching a scratched DVD, my thoughts kept jumping from scene to scene without any kind of fluidity.

"You should take this Advil before you try to get up," Edward's voice sounded like it was booming above me and I reached my hand up to cover his mouth. He laughed against my hand and then kissed my palm. Keeping my eyes shut I sat up and felt around for his outstretched hand and the Advil and swallowed them with the glass of water he handed me. I immediately fell back against the pillows and put my arm over my eyes.

"I don't even remember coming up here last night," I finally mumbled, pulling the comforter over my head. Edward pulled it back and inch and slid his face beside mine.

"I brought you up here after you fell asleep on the couch," he said and kissed my temple. The couch. Why did that seem significant?

And then it all came flooding back to me. Edward and I making out on the couch in front of his family, Edward's hands going up the back of my shirt, Edward's mouth on my body, Edward's face in my breasts, my mouth on him, my back on the couch, Edward hovering over me, Edward's grunts and my moaning. My eyes flew open and I clutched my hand over my mouth.

"No, no, no," I said and shook my head. Edward tensed beside me and I wished he could just hear my thoughts without me having to verbalize my deepest fear. "We didn't…I mean…in front of…oh my God, Edward. Please tell me we didn't have sex on the couch in front of your entire family."

He laughed into my hair and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He shook his head and replied, "No, everyone ran away the second you started kissing me." I groaned and shut my eyes again trying in vain to remember the night's events.

"So wait, you only said no to the in front of the family part. Please tell me the truth, did we deflower Esme's couch?"

Edward chuckled into my hair again and pressed his lips to my ear. "To be fair, Esme's couch has been deflowered for a lot longer than you've been alive."

I groaned again and pushed my hands to my forehead. "Emmett is never going to shut up about it and oh my God I have to look at your mother and father and they'll know we did it on the couch. They're probably down there right now talking about how it smells like sex. Oh my God, why didn't you stop me? I am so embarrassed." My entire face was flushed and my heart pounded in my chest. Edward placed his hand over my heart and kissed my neck.

"You give me too much credit. I may not have been drunk on alcohol but I was drunk on you. I am still a man." Edward shifted and propped his head up on his arm so he could look at my face. "Don't worry about it, all of them have done that and worse on almost every surface in this place. I was long overdue."

"Was it some sort of conquest then? Nail your wife on the couch at your parent's house so you can be cool like your brothers?" I could feel the tears welling up inside of me and I was beyond furious.

Edward grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "You're being a little irrational, Bella. We were both so overtaken by the emotion of yesterday and the knowledge that we get to be together for eternity. It was beautiful and it meant the world to me. I guess I didn't realize how drunk you were or how the alcohol would effect you. I did research of course since I don't really remember what drinking felt like but I guess I overestimated your control. You seemed completely cognizant or I never would have done anything. You know I would never take advantage of you. This is an absolutely absurd conversation to even be having. You are my wife. I love you and you know this isn't some sort of contest." I knew he was right, I was being irrational but I couldn't let it go just yet. I pried my chin out of his grip and closed my eyes again, putting my arm back over my eyes. Edward sighed and dropped his head back to the pillow beside me.

We were silent for a while and every couple of minutes Edward would try to lace his fingers with mine but I kept completely still. On his tenth attempt I gave in and twisted my fingers with his. "I'm still annoyed so don't get too excited," I said and looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He leaned over and kissed me tenderly, then pulled back and looked deep into my eyes.

"I just can't believe I really get to keep you. Even when you're mad at me it's the best experience of my entire existence." He leaned down and kissed me again. I put my hand on his chest and looked into his darkened eyes.

"How do you expect me to stay upset with you when you say stuff like that?" He smiled and nuzzled into my neck. I pulled his head back up and looked into his eyes, my thumbs tracing the dark circles under them. "You need to hunt and I need to go spend some time with Charlie." He kissed my hand and nodded, pulling the covers back. I instantly squeezed my eyes shut again and my head started pounding. "I changed my mind!" I said and tried to pull the covers back over my head. He laughed and pulled them back.

"You get up and get dressed and I'll go downstairs and make you breakfast and you'll feel much better, I promise. I also put some B-Complex and Alka Seltzer on the counter in the bathroom for you." He pressed his cool lips to my forehead and I sighed.

"Fine," I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I stumbled to the bathroom and through my morning routine. I was terrified of going downstairs but I lucked out and everyone was already gone when I got down there. I had a sneaking suspicion that Edward had forced everyone out while I was in the shower which was more than fine with me, anything to postpone the inevitable ribbing from Emmett. Edward dropped me off at Charlie's before he headed out to catch up with Jasper and Alice to hunt.

"Hey, Bells! I was beginning to get worried," Charlie said from the living room as I opened the door. He was sprawled across the couch watching football. It felt so good to be home.

"Sorry, I fell asleep at the Cullen's," I said as I plopped into the recliner. I could sense Charlie's unease with that but I ignored it. He would never let go of me being his little girl. "Where's Sue?"

"Oh she took Leah shopping. I swear the way that girl goes through clothes you'd think she was Alice!" he said with a snort. He was quiet for a second and then sat up and turned the volume on the TV down. "Hey kid, how would you like to go fishing with your old man today? I know it's late in the day and we probably won't catch anything but it will give us some time to catch up without any distractions," his eyes flickered to the scoreboard on the TV and I couldn't help but giggle.

"That sounds great, Dad."

Charlie's eyes lit up and he turned the TV off and instantly started buzzing around the house collecting all of his fishing gear. He even unearthed some stuff he'd bought for me when I was young in an unsuccessful effort to get me interested in fishing. Before long we were down by the lake with a cooler of beer. For the first time in my life Charlie actually offered me one saying I might as well get started since it was so close to my birthday but I had to decline. My stomach turned at the thought of drinking alcohol again.

We talked a lot more in those few hours at the lake then I think we'd ever talked in my entire life combined. He jumped into asking me questions about my life in Hanover and what my friends were like there. He sternly asked if Edward was a good husband and I laughed at his intensity and told him yes, of course.

"I'm glad to hear that," he responded, looking out over the water. "I always wondered if I was a good enough husband. I know things didn't work out right with your mom but I think I did everything I was supposed to do, we just didn't fit right." He pulled a little on his rod and took a gulp of his beer. "I guess I'll get another shot now."

He was quiet and I knew he was trying to figure out the best way to tell me about his engagement to Sue. I decided to take the pressure off of him. "I heard about you and Sue. Congratulations!" I said with a wide smile. He turned and looked at me with a surprised look on his face and then smiled back.

"News travels fast in a small town I guess. I'm sorry I wasn't the one to tell you though." He kicked the toe of his shoe into the dirt and I put my hand on his arm.

"I'm really happy for you. Sue is a wonderful person," I said softly. Sue now meant the world to me and I would be forever grateful to her. He nodded and kept his eyes downward.

"We've both been married so we're not going to have a big to-do. We'll probably just go down to City Hall or something. I want you there, Bells. As my best man." I started to laugh but then stopped abruptly when it hit me that there was no way I was going to be able to be there for the nuptials. My blood ran cold for a second and I shivered. It took all my strength not to start crying. "I know that you're…going away…for a while. So we're going to wait until…I don't know…" Charlie trailed off and shook his head as I looked at the side of his face. He knew something was about to happen. What had Sue told him? I knew I couldn't tell him anything but Sue had explained it to him in some manner. I opened my mouth to reply but he turned to me and held his hand up. "I don't need to or want to know. Just promise me that you have thought everything through."

My hands were shaking, causing the pole to shake and make ripples in the lake. "I have," I said firmly and he looked at me for a long moment and then nodded, turning his attention back to the lake.

"I just want you to be happy, Bella. That's all I've ever wanted for you since I first held you in my arms. I don't know exactly what is going on and like I said I don't want to know, but believe me when I say I will love you no matter what happens." He reeled his line in then and recast it. I watched him through my tears as he did and then turned my attention back to the lake and followed his lead.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the comfortable silence I'd grown accustomed to when I was around Charlie. I repeated his words in my mind a million times and still felt like there was hope, that I would somehow be able to keep him in my life. I knew that my hope may be false but I couldn't help feeling it anyway.

"Should I drop you back off at the Cullen's?" Charlie asked as we climbed back into the cruiser.

"No, I'm staying at the house tonight," I said and I could see him smile slightly. "I'll cook dinner for us while you watch the game. Just like old times." He reached over and squeezed my hand.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

My shoulders tensed. Tomorrow. "Sometime around noon." I quickly turned my attention to the trees we passed along the road. Tomorrow we would go back to Hanover for a couple of days and finalize the plans for my change. Then in a few days I would be back here in Forks and in a week I would be dead.

"I have the late shift if you kids need a ride out to the airport." I turned my palm to squeeze his hand back and turned to smile at him.

"I'd really like that."


	10. Peace

**AN**: Okay people - here's the second to last chapter of our tormented little saga. And I'm happy to announce that I just finished Chapter 10 as well! I'm editing it right now and I'm hoping to post it before I go away this weekend. I'm so anxious to hear your thoughts on these last two chapters! Once again, thanks for all the love. I'm chipping away at the replies but with work getting in my way it's taking more time then it should. Know that I love you for your kind words of encouragement!

**Disclaimer**: I have no rights to these characters.

* * *

Chapter 9 – Peace

_It feels good to be back in Hanover. Edward is at our friend Jason's house putting in some face time and later tonight a couple from my History class is coming over to play poker and hang out. It feels strangely normal given our current circumstance. _

_Saying goodbye to Charlie was harder than I expected. I have complete faith that everything will work out and that I will see him again soon but I couldn't help but feel a tugging in my heart. Seeing him tear up didn't help much but it does comfort me to know he has Sue to guide him through whatever comes next. _

_In three days, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle will come to Hanover to help us fake the accident and sneak us back to Forks where Rosalie and Esme are preparing everything. Then I'll have one last day of normalcy with Edward and then the next morning my future will begin. I know I should be worried or apprehensive or having second thoughts but I really just can't wait to start my new life. _

I closed my journal and set it on the counter, looking over the sad state of our apartment. The super came while we were gone and fixed the washing machine but the rest of the place was still in disrepair. After being back at the cottage and having a working heater, I found it difficult to relax back into the apartment. I would miss it because it was _our_ place but the memory would be better than actually living here. I was slowly letting go of our life here.

I heard the door open and I turned to see Edward walk through the front door. He looked up and grinned when he saw me. We'd been like newlyweds again since we got back from Forks. The excitement of what was to come was just so overwhelming.

Edward stalked across the living room and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled into his neck and inhaled his scent. "How is Jason?" I asked and kissed his neck. He shrugged.

"Same as ever. He broke up with Samantha and got back together with her three times while we were gone. Now he wants to ask her to marry him." He paused for a beat then added, "To be honest I'm not really sure why I'm friends with Jason. He's pretty lost."

I laughed and playfully hit his arm. "That's mean, Jason's a nice guy. He helped fix the radiator that time you were out of town and I was a popsicle."

Edward nodded and touched the back of my head. "That's true, I suppose you're right." We held each other like that for a few minutes before he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to mine. "I feel like I must be dreaming every time I think about next week."

"First, that's crazy because you don't dream." He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "And second, I don't know why you're so excited. I'm going to want to kill every human in a 30-mile radius, I won't be thinking about making love to you for a really long time. You're going to have to endure being celibate for a few years." He stepped between my legs and I held him there as he bent down to press his lips to mine with more fervor.

"That's a really good point. We should probably have a lot of sex between now and then so I can stock up."

"Like a squirrel?"

"Yeah, I'll store my nuts away for winter," he chuckled.

I gasped and swatted his arm. "Edward Cullen!" He laughed and pressed his lips to mine and pressed his tongue into my mouth. I circled my arms around his neck and he slipped his hands around my back and pulled me up from the barstool, setting me on the counter instead. Our hands grasped at each other's clothes and before long we were both completely naked in the kitchen.

"The last time we had sex outside of the bedroom I got into a lot of trouble," he mumbled against my neck.

I smiled and pulled his face back up to mine. "That's because you let me rub my naked ass all over my mother-in-law's couch!"

He smiled against my cheek and kissed down my jaw then back to my lips. "To be fair you have a really cute ass," he said as his hands reached around to cup my butt. I giggled into him and wrapped my arms back around his neck. He moved his head back to mine and I could feel him pushing at my entrance. I opened my legs wider for him and we made love on the counter for what seemed like, and probably was, hours.

Afterward, we lay wrapped around each other on the kitchen floor, my face and neck completely flushed and his face pressed into my shoulder. "I don't ever want to move again. Just bite me now and we can just stay like this forever," I said rolling onto my side to hold him against my chest. He rolled onto his side as well and slid up my body so we were face to face, our legs intertwined.

He rubbed my nose with his and kissed my lips softly. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by banging on the door.

"Oh shit!" I yelled, glancing at the clock. Edward was up and dressed within seconds and helping me back into my dress. "It's Brad and Roz. Oh fuck, oh fuck. I completely forgot!"

"I have that effect on women," Edward said smugly and was already putting refreshments out for our guests. Sometimes the vampire husband came in handy.

"You're hilarious," I said sarcastically. "Can you take care of this while I go make myself look less freshly fucked?" Edward's eyebrows shot up and I couldn't help but run back for one more kiss.

From our bedroom I heard Edward open the door and invite our friends in and explain that I was just finishing up getting ready. Brad was talking loudly about some football game that Edward had somehow managed to learn the score of in the five seconds I had been out of the kitchen. I fumbled around in our room, digging through our half emptied suitcases for something a bit less wrinkled to put on but to no avail. I finally gave in and just straightened my hair and fixed what little makeup I had on and headed back into the living room.

The next few days flew by and just when I began to settle back into our routine it was time to start the show. Edward had gone back on his initial word and decided to let Jasper and Carlisle take care of finding bodies and kept me in the dark about it. I had a pretty good idea of where one could find corpses but it was really just too macabre for me to think about and I was happy in my ignorance.

Alice was upset she wasn't able to come to the apartment and see how I'd decorated the place but we couldn't chance someone seeing our family randomly in town the same day we both tragically die in a car crash. I took pictures on Edward's camera phone and brought them to her at the hotel they stayed at under a false name. Her face fell when I showed them to her.

"This is how you've been living? No wonder you're choosing death," she said with her eyes wide.

"Wow, thank you," I muttered, snatching the phone back from her.

She grabbed it back and flicked back to the pictures. "Well wait maybe I just saw a really bad picture. Let me look at the rest of them." She paused as she flipped through them then handed me the phone back. "Yeah no, it's definitely time you guys came back to the cottage. That place is a shit hole." I laughed and leaned back on the crappy double bed we were perched on the edge of.

"Oh there you are, Bella!" Emmett said as he walked through the door adjoining the rooms. "I thought maybe you and Edward were off having sex on someone's couch."

"I'm so glad to see that charming wit runs in the family," I retorted, looking between he and Alice.

Carlisle, Jasper and Edward came in through the front door then and Edward dropped a pile of assorted bagged potato chips and cookies onto the dresser as well as three bottles of water. "Sorry, it's the only food they have here," he said sheepishly. "I should have…" I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I'm the one who has to eat, I should have thought of it. Don't worry about it. I'll get something more substantial later." I leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips.

"There are no couches in here, I don't understand what could possibly be turning you on," said Emmett with a laugh. The joking was tolerable when it wasn't in front of Carlisle but with him in the room I turned beet red.

"Emmett, give it a rest," Edward said and kissed my forehead before releasing me. He went to sit in one of the chairs near the dormant air conditioner under the window. Carlisle sat across from him. Emmett flung himself on one of the two double beds and put his arm over his eyes. I grabbed a bag of Cheeto's and went back to sitting beside Alice and Jasper on the other bed.

As soon as I was done with the chips I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. We had a few hours until nightfall and the idle time was doing a number on my emotions. I started thinking about Renee and silently hoped she would find solace in Phil at the news of my passing. I'd made Jasper swear to me he would spend extra time with her since she'd taken such a liking to him and he promised to do whatever he could to help her. I thought about Charlie and his knowing smile by the lake and my heart started pounding when I thought about our goodbye. I didn't feel like I'd said enough or shown him how much I would miss him. I was now finally scared that I would never see him again and a very small part of me wanted to go back to Forks, go back to my old bedroom and stay there forever. And I thought about Jacob. I was happy he was with Leah and had finally found someone special to spend his life with. I idly wondered if they would have children someday and I wondered if I would be the Godmother of one of their babies. The thought made me somewhat hopeful.

Edward and Carlisle were talking quietly in the corner and hushed whispers as Jasper and Alice played with each other's hands beside me. I looked forward to the quiet calmness that Alice and Jasper shared. Edward and I had that but there was always an undercurrent of unease and fear. In just under a week that would be gone and we could sit and be together as equals. I put my arm over my eyes; afraid I would start crying at that thought.

I heard Carlisle whisper something to Edward and then I felt my body being lifted from the mattress.

"Where are we going?" I asked when I opened my eyes. Edward had me cradled against his chest.

"Just to the other room so you can rest for a bit," he said and smiled down at me. As we walked by Emmett I could see Edward shoot daggers at him and Emmett's mouth stayed shut. Edward laid me on the bed and shut the adjoining door before lying down beside me. He smoothed my hair back and nestled into my body, spooning me from behind. I placed my hand over his and twisted our fingers together. "Are you okay, love? You've been so quiet today."

I nodded and tried to keep the tears at bay. I knew that this is what I wanted beyond a shadow of a doubt but I couldn't help the tears the threatened to shake my resolve. He pressed his lips to the back of my neck and his tenderness broke me. Tears streamed down my face and he held me tighter to him as my body convulsed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I sobbed, putting my face in my hands.

Edward brushed my hair away from my face and leaned over so he could see me, his hand splayed on my hip. "It's ok, please don't cry and please don't apologize. I understand. To be honest I kind of expected this to happen sooner."

My sobbing subsided, tears still trickling from my lashes and I removed my hands from my face. "What do you mean?" I was confused by his statement. What had he expected to happen sooner?

"I mean, I understand that you would change your mind. I know you'll miss your dad and you wouldn't get to have grandchildren for your mom and all that so – I mean – I kind of expected this." I felt my stomach tighten and the tears flowed out of me again. He hugged me tighter to him and played with the ring on my left hand. "Hey, don't. It's fine. This," he said lifting my left hand and displaying my wedding band, "this means that I will be with you forever regardless of how long forever is. I will stay with you until you pass away and then I won't be too far after – "

"Wait, what?" I asked, sitting up and calming my sobs. He sat up next to me and played with my hand in my lap, looking down. I ran my hand through his hair and tilted his head to look at me.

"I understand that you don't want to go through with this and it's fine. It's – " I interrupted him by pressing my lips against his and started sobbing again. I released his mouth and shook my head, pressing our foreheads together. My tears were on his cheeks.

"You've misunderstood. I am sure this is what I want. Possibly surer today then I have ever been. I'm just – I don't know. Scared, I guess." I could feel the relief swell over him and he relaxed a little beside me and kissed me again. "I'm just feeling so much right now and I've been trying to bottle it all up, it finally just erupted. I'm sorry, it wasn't fair of me to scare you like that."

He put his hands on either side of my face and made me look him in the eyes. "Don't you dare apologize for feeling scared. Shit, I'm scared, too! We all know I'm not always a glass half full kind of guy and the only thing I've ever been sure of in my life is in my hands right now. But all this has me so tightly wound I would be sobbing with you if I could." He kissed my eyelids when I looked down at my lap and I opened my eyes and smiled at him. He laid us back down so we faced each other and his finger traced my face. "Tell me what you're scared of."

I reached a hand up to wipe away my tears and looked into his eyes. "I'm scared something will go wrong tonight, I'm scared we won't get back to Forks on time, I'm scared I'll never see Charlie again, I'm scared that you won't love me anymore after I've changed." He opened his mouth to protest but I put my hand in front of him. "And I'm scared I won't love you anymore. I'm scared that in a year I'll wish that I hadn't made this decision, that I may be fucking up our perfectly normal lives by doing this. I think – no, I _know_ that this is what's right. That this is what was destined to happen. That you and I belong together for much longer than my mortal life would allow, but I just can't help all of the doubts in my head. I don't want to look back and wish I'd made a different decision."

We were both silent for a while and Edward's eyes flickered between mine in an obvious attempt to read my thoughts, a habit he'd never grown out of. Finally he cleared his throat. "Your fears echo mine exactly. We have no way of knowing if this is what's right, we only know what we feel in here," he said and placed his hand over my beating heart. "I know that no matter what, I will love you. And I believe in every part of me that you will love me no matter what. I know your fear of screwing up our perfectly normal life. In the few short years we've been together, we've managed to make a pretty extraordinary life together. Sometimes I feel like I'm being completely selfish by going along with this, by not trying to protest your wishes. I stand to gain a lot more than you do by your change." I shook my head but he stopped me. "Trust me, you have no idea. You will see soon, but you have no idea the amount of practiced restraint that still goes into our everyday life." He sighed and looked down at my hand in his, then brought it to his lips to kiss my ring finger. "All we have is this," he said running his hand over the band.

I nodded and sniffed back a new wave of tears, a few escaping my eyes. Edward moved his hand to my face and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumb before pushing my hair behind my ear and pressing his lips to mine. I slid my hands to grasp the back of his neck and pulled him closer, moving my leg to rest over his hip. His hand left my face and ran from my knee up my thigh and pulled me closer to him by my ass. I heard the door next door open and close and even though I was completely aware this time that we'd managed to clear Edward's family out of the room, I couldn't bring myself to care right then. I needed to feel something good and feel Edward's love and I needed him to feel how much I loved him and how sure I was of him and of us. He shifted and pulled me on top of him and I leaned up and pulled my shirt and bra off, throwing them onto the floor. He sat up and pulled his shirt off as well and I sighed as my breasts made contact with his cold, hard chest. A few tears continued to roll down my cheeks but other than a few sighs and moans we were silent. He pushed me onto my back and peeled my jeans and underwear off of me before standing and pulling his off as well. He stood over the bed looking down at me, his eyes raking up and down my body reverently and I reached up to take his hand in mine and pull him back down on top of me.

"I love you," I murmured into his ear and rolled us so I was on top of him. I grasped him and slid my body down until he was buried inside of me. We both groaned at the feeling and he pulled my lips down to his as I started rocking my hips. When I sat back up to get a better angle, Edward sat up with me and kept his arms locked around me. He was completely surrounding me and he felt amazing. Our lovemaking was soft and gentle and reverent and we came together expressing our deep love for one another, our hands clasping each other's hands, our foreheads pressed together. We stayed connected for a while afterwards just holding each other and when we finally moved, it seemed far too premature. He pulled me to cuddle into him again as we lay back on the bed together and he smoothed my hair down.

"I love you, too," he said as my eyes began to flutter closed. I smiled and kissed him tenderly. "Rest for a few minutes, darling. We don't have long before we have to go." He kissed my eyelids and held me close as I dosed off with a smile on my face.

Much too soon I was being shaken awake and my eyes fluttered open to see Edward grinning at me. We were both in the same position as when I fell asleep in his arms. "Is it time to go already?" He nodded and kissed my neck as I stretched. "Stop that," I said with a laugh and pushed him away. He chuckled as I stood and walked to the bathroom to freshen up. I heard him getting dressed and he brought me my clothes.

"I'm going to go talk to Carlisle. Meet me in the other room when you're ready?" he asked and nuzzled into my neck again. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair.

As soon as the adjoining door opened I could hear Emmett's raucous round of applause and catcalls. I rolled my eyes and finished getting ready and took a deep breath before making my way through the door to the other room.

"Hey there, Ethan Allen," Emmett said as I walked through the door. I stopped in my tracks and looked down at him with a confused expression on my face. I looked at Jasper and he shrugged.

"I don't get it," I said finally, looking at him where he sat on the bed reading and old copy of People Weekly.

"Ethan Allen – it's a national furniture chain. They sell couches. You like to sleep with your husband on family couches," he explained without looking up from a picture of Brad and Angelina.

Everyone burst out laughing including me and especially Carlisle. "Emmett, that was a bit of a stretch," said Carlisle through his laughter.

"You should have called Edward Lay-Z-Boy!" Jasper said, clutching his side. Alice high fived him and continued laughing. Edward tossed a pillow at him.

"All right, all right," said Carlisle, trying to make his chuckles subside. "You two need to get going. We'll meet you at the staging location in about an hour or so. Don't take any detours to a furniture store." We all laughed again and Edward and I made our way outside.

We walked hand in hand until we were at the tree line near the back of the hotel parking lot and he flung me on his back and took off running. As he ran, my heart felt light for the first time that day and I pressed my lips to his neck. I felt him purr and I did it again. I couldn't help letting my mind wander back to the first time we ran like this and how terrified I was as I clung to his back. Pretty soon I would be holding his hand as we ran together, no longer completely dependent upon him. I chuckled at that thought, knowing I would always be completely dependent upon him regardless, just as he was completely dependent on me. The back of the apartment complex came into view and he slowed to a walk and held my hand beside him. Before we stepped into the light, he took my hand and kissed the back of it. I smiled and did the same back to him. He asked if I wanted to go back into the apartment one last time but I declined. We'd taken the few things we could remove without notice and left them with Alice at the hotel room. I had made my peace with this place and I was ready to move on. Edward went back in quickly to look around. He'd placed additional things of ours that he wanted Esme and Carlisle to claim for us in a crate under the bed and had told them exactly where to find it. Things like my high school class ring (at his insistence) and a couple of his textbooks.

He met me on the street beside our car and wrapped his arms around me as we both looked back at the darkened windows of the apartment. "Goodbye, apartment," I said softly and he rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand. I smiled and leaned up to kiss him and got in the car without looking back.

As we drove past the college and past a few groups of college students laughing as they walked together I realized that this life was never meant for me. I was never meant to have the normal life that Edward once so desperately insisted I deserved. I wondered idly what would have happened if I'd never moved to Forks. Would I have found Edward some other way? Would we stumble upon each other when I was old and grown and married with two children? And would I know, even then, that he was the one? Would he take the time to find out or would my outer casing as an elderly woman keep him at bay? Would we acknowledge this strange attraction across some emotionless diner in the middle of the night I went to to escape my unsatisfactory life I shared with someone like Mike Newton? Or would we both take note of it but continue on our separate paths? Would Edward have eventually found someone else? I had to think the answer to that last question would be unequivocally yes. I couldn't stand the thought of Edward continuing a life of solitude for the rest of eternity, even if it meant we weren't together. Maybe he would have fallen in love with Tanya Denali, that would have made sense for him. He would move to Alaska and they would make it work as best they could.

Edward squeezed my hand and I looked at him and smiled, squeezing his hand back as we arrived at the staging location. The headlights fell upon Emmett who was walking around the trunk of a huge tree on the side of the road, gripping the base and shaking it. The tree swayed but stayed erect much to his chagrin. I leaned over and kissed Edward and whispered my love for him. He looked at me and knew my thoughts had led me to a place I likely wouldn't share and I could tell he was frustrated. I smiled and climbed out of the car.

"Hey IKEA!" I said as I climbed out of the passenger side. Emmett's face fell and I could hear Alice snicker from behind me. I turned to see her walk out from behind another tree. Edward walked around the car to wrap his arm around my waist and leaned down to kiss my temple, his face still crumpled, trying to figure out my thoughts to no avail. I leaned up and kissed him again and shook my head to tell him not to worry about it and he nodded. Our silent communication was something I cherished.

I heard the sound of something being dragged followed by a thump and turned to see Jasper and Carlisle walking out of the woods beside the opposite side of the road. "Oh, hey Pier One," said Jasper to Emmett as they approached. Emmett huffed and walked across the road towards us. I laughed and gave Jasper a high-five when he got over to me. He laughed and complimented my IKEA joke.

Carlisle chuckled, "All right, let's get to work. Emmett and Jasper, you two take care of demolishing the car. Alice, come with me so we can get the bodies into position. Edward, maybe you should take Bella up to the rental cars and get ready to leave." Edward nodded beside me but I shook my head, clasping my hand around Edward's.

"I'm sorry, but I want to see this," I said, looking up at Edward. He looked into my eyes, searching, and finally looked to Carlisle and told him we would stay.

"OK, just make sure you are well out of harm's way. I don't want anyone getting hurt inadvertently." I knew he meant me since no one else could get hurt. Pretty soon no one would have to worry about me falling over and killing myself. I would be able to protect myself and I felt a surge of power run through me thinking about. I would be just as strong as my husband and his family. I felt proud knowing I would be like them, but my face fell when I realized my compassion would wane for a few years and I wouldn't be _exactly_ like them for quite some time. Edward tilted his head to look down at me and almost got the words out to ask what I was thinking this time but again I waved him off. I knew he'd be upset with me later but I couldn't talk about it right now for fear I would start crying again. I just had to stay strong for another hour or so and then we would have a day alone together in the car on the drive back to Forks.

Emmett's booming voice broke me out of my reverie. "This is going to be so much fun!" he yelled and jumped into the driver's seat of our car. Edward pulled me towards the place Alice had emerged from the woods so we were behind a few trees but could still see what was happening. He positioned himself in front of me but had his arm around me. Jasper got into the passenger side and I watched as Emmett threw the car in reverse and floored it for about a half a mile. He then flashed the headlights twice and Carlisle and Alice got out of the road. The wheels screeched and spun and then the car was barreling towards the tree Emmett had been circling earlier. The sound of the crash was deafening and terrifying and Edward held me closer to his side. I screamed and tried to run to help Emmett and Jasper but Edward held me back. After a few minutes and a little help from Alice and Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stood beside what was left of our car as if nothing had happened. As soon as they were out of the car, Alice and Carlisle pulled the bodies out of the woods and shoved them into the wreckage. I had to look away when I heard the sound of cracking bones.

"All right Alice, you two get to the rental cars," I heard Carlisle say and she and Jasper took off into the woods. As soon as they were gone I saw Carlisle and Emmett grab what appeared to be donated blood from the same area of the woods where the bodies had been and splash it across the inside of the car and the pavement below.

"To make this more realistic we should probably put her hand on his junk," said Emmett, yelling back towards us. I rolled my eyes and Edward chuckled beside me. I nudged him and he stopped and whispered sorry.

Carlisle circled the car a few times making readjustments and when he was done he turned to Emmett and nodded. Emmett grabbed something out of his pocket and took a few steps back from the car. Carlisle came to stand near us behind the tree line.

"Here it comes," Edward said softly and cupped his hands over my ears. I didn't have a chance to ask what he meant before I heard the loud crack and jumped. The side of my face was instantly hot and I looked back to see the entire car engulfed in flames, licking up the side of the tree, illuminating the road and sending smoke up into the night sky. Edward kissed my head then took my hand and pulled me out of the woods to stand beside Emmett and Carlisle on the road.

I wanted to feel something profound at that moment but instead I felt nothing. Watching the flames peel back the paint of the car we'd shared since we moved to Hanover, I just felt numb. Emmett was animated as he recounted the crash to Edward but I didn't hear him and I was fairly certain by the way Edward's eyes were trained on me that he didn't hear him either. Carlisle's eyes were trained on the inferno as were mine and I reached out to take his hand. Carlisle looked down at our joined hands and then to my face and smiled, giving my hand a squeeze. It was an oddly tender moment that I had never shared with Carlisle but it felt nice. I knew he was probably considering his expanding family, thinking back over how much Edward had changed and how things were finally coming together and I wanted him to know that I felt the same about his influence in my life. Edward's arm wrapped around my waist and I put my hand over his and toyed with his wedding band. I looked up and smiled at him and his grin was huge.

"Let's go home," I said and leaned up to kiss him. He smiled down at me and kissed me back as the fire raged beside us.

The four of us ran through the woods and to the spot they'd parked the three rental cars. As soon as we were in our car, Edward grabbed me and kissed me hard. I smiled against his lips as the tears streamed down my cheeks. "The cops are coming," he breathed against my lips, his ears perking up a little to hear the sirens. "We should go."

I nodded and unwrapped himself from him reluctantly. I took his hand in mine and swiveled back around to see the forest illuminated about three miles behind us and I could barely make out he blue and red lights. I righted myself in my seat and took a deep steadying breath. "I'm dead now," I said bluntly. Edward squeezed my hand in his and nearly pulled me over the armrest to be nearer to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his lips pressed against my head.

My thoughts were numb again as though I was staring into those flames as we made our way across the Canadian border; Edward offering up forged documentation that said my name was Marie Masen. I wasn't sure exactly how to feel at that moment. I felt sadness as I said my final goodbyes to my human life and the tragedy with which Edward and I had met our fake demise and a deep lingering despair as I thought about how my parents would react to the news. I wondered if the police would be able to take dental records tonight and inform them right away or if it would take a while. I briefly wondered how Angela, Jessica, Tyler, Ben, and Mike would take the news of my passing. I also couldn't help feeling somewhat elated at the idea of what was to come, of what our life would be like in a year, in two years, in two hundred years. And I felt oddly free as I shed the skin of my human life, to everyone but the Cullen's and Jacob's pack, I was now dead. I shivered at that thought.

I knew my silence was killing Edward so I leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I'm okay. Really," I said finally and he looked down at me doubtful. He still had me sitting on the armrest, his arm firmly wrapped around my waist as he drove over 100 miles per hour with one hand. "Will I always be Marie Masen now?" I asked as I played with my passport.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "You'll always be Isabella Cullen, but like the rest of us you'll have to pick up a couple of aliases over the years. I figured this would be the easiest first step. Your human middle name and my human last name. Poetic, huh?" he asked and squeezed my side to him. I giggled and pressed my lips to his neck.

"You're nothing if not poetic," I said softly and kissed his ear. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "What's wrong?" I asked, pulling back and placing my hand on his arm.

"Please tell me everything you've been thinking today. It's been killing me." I pried myself out of his arm and sat back in the passenger's seat. I took his hand I mine and squeezed it to remove the dejected look from his face.

"I can't tell you everything I've been thinking. But I can tell you what I'm thinking now," I said, looking out the window. He was silent as he waited for me to continue. "I was thinking about what our life will be like in two hundred years. I was wondering if we'd still live near Carlisle and Esme and the rest of the family or if we would start our own coven by then. I wonder what advancements will have taken place in science and technology and medicine and how much of it Carlisle will have had a silent hand in, and how much you will have had a part in as well. And I was wondering earlier if Jacob and Leah would have babies someday and if I would get to know them and be in their lives. I don't mind missing out on having children, honestly," I said and squeezed his hand as I felt him tense beside me, "but it would be nice to be around children someday." I paused and watched the trees whizzing past the window before I felt queasy and had to look away again. "I want to live all over the world with you and experience all of the things that you've experienced. I want to read every book you've read and I want you to teach me how to play the piano. I want to finally fully integrate myself into your life. I want you to tell me all of the things you thought I couldn't handle as a human. I know you've held things back from me that you thought would be too much or that you thought I couldn't handle. I found out that you were at Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech from Rosalie!" Edward's mouth dropped open and I reached over and closed it. He smiled against my palm. "That's the kind of stuff I want to know about you. I know you've always thought it would send me running for the hills if I thought about you there and to be completely honest, when we first met would not have been a good time to talk about what it felt like when Pearl Harbor was bombed. But after my change I want to hear everything, I want to know where you were, what was going through your mind for every significant event in the last century."

Edward was silent for a beat and then smiled, bringing my hand up to his mouth to place a kiss on the back of it before resting it back on the arm rest. "I can't wait to tell you everything. Did Rosalie tell you I saw The Beatles perform at the Cavern Club in Liverpool?" My jaw dropped and Edward snickered at my response.

"That's incredible! This is what I'm talking about. I want to know everything." His mood was light as I leaned over the armrest and laid my head on his shoulder.

"You don't know how excited I am to share it all with you," he said and leaned over to kiss my forehead. The intensity of the day finally caught up with me and my eyes fluttered shut as I rested against him. He hummed softly as I drifted to sleep, our fingers intertwined as we drove toward our future.

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**Reviews = Love**


	11. Eternity

**AN**: Here it is, the final chapter of this epic tale. I have to say, I wasn't completely convinced of this idea when I started but the whole thing eventually just came alive to me. Thank you again for your love and support throughout this story; it's what kept me going!

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Chapter 10 –Eternity

In my slumber I felt the blankets move before cold hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me towards an equally cold body.

"Love?" Edward whispered, letting his lips linger in my hair. I wiggled in my sleep and turned to bury my face in his chest. "Sweetie, I'm sorry to wake you but we need to talk," he said softly, rubbing circles down my bare back. I tilted my head up and opened one eye. I felt like I'd only been sleeping a couple of hours, how could it possibly be time to get up?

"I'm up," I said with a yawn. Edward chuckled and shifted to turn the bedside light on. "Unnecessary!" I said and clapped my hands over my eyes. He chuckled again and sat up against the headboard, dragging my body up to rest on his. "Fine, I get it." I sat up beside him, facing him and rubbing my eyes as he watched me intently as if trying to memorize my movements. "What? Bad morning breath?" I asked when I caught him staring at me. He smiled and shook his head then turned away looking almost bashful at being caught. "So what's up?" I asked and leaned back against his legs.

"Well, there's been a slight change in plans…" he started delicately and my heartbeat instantly went through the roof. I couldn't stand the idea of another problem with our plans. If Jacob was somehow involved again, I would for sure murder him this time. "We thought it would take a little longer for the coroner's office to do the autopsy and take the dental records to identify our bodies but Esme got the call about an hour ago. They're leaving for Hanover at noon today." My eyes widened and clutched Edward's hand. "We're still going to go through with everything today but we're going to have to move it up a little."

I was stunned. I thought I had more time and suddenly there was no time. The room began to spin and I put a hand to my forehead to stop the pounding. Edward took my hand from my head and kissed it. "So, what's the new plan?" I asked meekly.

Edward cleared his throat. "Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Rosalie are leaving for Hanover at noon. Carlisle wants to be here for as much as the early portion as possible so we're going to have to get underway at about 5 o'clock this morning." I glanced at the clock. 1:15am. I had just under four hours left of my human life.

"But Carlisle – "

"Believes I can handle it – and should handle it – on my own," he said with some unease and I could feel his body tense. I put my hand on his chest.

"And what do you think?" I asked quietly. He was motionless for a moment and then placed his hand over mine.

His eyes searched mine for a moment as though trying to come up with an answer to that question on the spot. "I know I can," he said finally, his body relaxing a little into the mattress.

"But they're leaving the strongest one behind just in case," I said more to myself then to Edward but he nodded beside me in agreement. "And the psychic to keep Carlisle informed." I paused and looked down at my hands. I would never admit it to Edward but it made me a little uneasy knowing Carlisle wouldn't be there. I knew Edward could handle it and had a pretty extensive medical history of his own but he didn't have the experience that Carlisle had and he'd certainly never changed anyone before. I shoved those thoughts out of my mind and took Edward's hand in mine. "It's a good plan," I said finally and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. I glanced at the clock – three and a half hours. And then it struck me – if Esme and Carlisle had been informed of Edward's death then that must mean – "Charlie and Renee know," I said softly. Edward instantly grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to sit beside him.

"Carlisle and Esme have been on the phone with them all night. They're doing okay, just very upset. Try not to think about it too much, okay love?" He held me so tight I found it difficult to breath but his grip was the only thing keeping me sane in that moment. If I thought too much about it – or if I imagined Renee's reaction when she got the call (if I knew my mother as well as I thought I did, she'd be a crumpled mess on the floor in a pool of tears with the telephone still gripped in her hand) – I was going to lose it. His grip didn't stop the sobs though nor did it stop the tears from streaming down my face nor my last minute run to the bathroom to heave up what was left of last night's dinner. Edward was so calm and compassionate through the whole thing. He held my hair back and got me a washcloth and hummed next to me, rubbing a soothing hand down my back, promising everything would be okay soon. I clung to him as I cried into his chest on the floor of the bathroom and he did everything he could think of to help me relax. Eventually my tear ducts gave out because I just stopped crying. My chest was still tight and I felt like I wanted to cry but I just couldn't. I just felt exhausted.

Edward scooped me up and carried me back to our bed and laid me back down. He was completely silent for a long time as he ran his fingers through my hair and held me close. He finally took a deep breath and said the one thing I needed to hear. "I love you." He said it so softly I almost missed it. My heart calmed immediately and I pulled him closer to me.

"Thank you," I said and kissed his chest. I knew his patience must be endless for him to sit there and watch me come apart like that in his arms and not call the entire thing off.

He pressed his lips to the top of my head and I did what I could to muster a smile for him. He traced my lips with his finger and then took a furtive glance at the clock. "I need to go hunt," he said softly. I nodded against him and sat up. "Are you going to be okay?" He pushed some hair behind my ear and I nodded again, looking at our hands clasped on top of the comforter.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." He stared at me, not completely sure I was telling him the truth and then shifted me so I was lying back on the mattress.

I watched him as he dressed and tried to keep my mind focused on his movements, unwilling to let my mind wander back to my parents. "I'll be back at around 3 o'clock," he said glancing at his watch. "Write in your journal or go back to sleep."

"Something achingly human, got it," I said and he laughed and leaned down to kiss me. I was silent as he finished putting his shoes on. "Can I ask you a favor?" He stopped what he was doing and looked at me expectantly. I chewed on my lip, not sure of how my request would be received. "While you're out hunting," I started but paused, taking a steadying breath before I continued, "can you please go by Charlie's? Just hear his thoughts and find out how he and Renee are handling it? I just need to know they're okay."

Edward put his hands on my arms and his eyes were sad. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Bella," he said softly.

I nodded. "I know it's probably not but I just need to know. Please Edward, as my last request."

"Your last request was French toast," he said with a snort and I looked up at him, remembering our discussion about my last meal last night before I fell asleep.

I rolled my eyes and eased into his playfulness. "Fine, my second to last request then."

"Your second to last request was sex if I remember correctly. Which is why I need to get back by three," he said looking at his watch. I nudged his shoulder and he smiled down at me, wrapping his arm around my waist. He leaned down and kissed my forehead again before pulling back and sighing. "I won't tell you what I hear unless you need to hear it."

"That's fine. I just want you to check in on him. If you don't say anything then I'll know they're okay." He dipped his index finger and pulled my chin up to look at him before pressing his lips to mine. "You should go," I said when he pulled away.

He stood and looked down at me. "Alice told me to tell you to call her if you wanted her to come down to go over your final look one last time." I rolled my eyes and lay back against the pillows. "Oh come on, you've actually been having fun planning this outfit. I can't wait to see it, just promise me you won't make it to enticing. I'd hate to get side tracked during my mission," he purred as he leaned down to kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to make him stay. He chuckled and pulled back from me.

"Oh don't worry about the outfit, I already decided on a turtleneck so I can cover up your fang marks," I said and slapped his butt as he turned to walk towards the door.

He turned and laughed, "I hope you're still this bitingly sarcastic after your change."

"Well that's an interesting choice of words," I yelled to him down the hallway as he got to the door. He chuckled again, said he loved me and then disappeared into the forest.

And I was alone with my thoughts. I refused to breakdown again today so I busied myself by taking a shower, straightening up the cottage, anything to keep my mind occupied. When I looked at the clock it was only 2:30am. I considered asking Alice to come up but I didn't want to have to shoo her right back out when Edward got home so I just called and told her that I was fairly confident in what we had put together and she could just finish it off for me however she saw fit. She was delighted with that.

I sat on the couch near the window in the living room and pulled my journal out for my final human entry.

_It's Monday morning, 2:37am, Edward will be back from hunting in 23 minutes and then its showtime. Three weeks to the day I left our cramped, sad excuse for an apartment in Hanover for Florida to visit Renee and later to Forks to visit Charlie and I said my good-byes to them both without their knowledge. In the last three weeks I have felt deep despair as well as exuberance, I have cried until I fell asleep and laughed maniacally with joy. I know I am ready for what may come._

_He will be back in 19 minutes now. We will make love one last time with me as a human then he will prepare my favorite breakfast at the perfect kitchen in our cottage. French toast, eggs and bacon. My last meal. Dead woman walking._

_We will meet Alice at 4:00am to do my hair, make-up and wardrobe. I welcome this although it's something I would have cringed at two years ago. I want to look my best when Edward sinks his teeth into my neck, releasing his searing venom into my blood stream and sealing my fate._

_At 4:30am I will say good-bye to my reflection in the mirror, I will lay in the makeshift hospital bed Carlisle prepared for me in the study and he will administer the morphine, Edward's hand gripped in mine._

_At 5:00am the world will fade away for three excruciating days._

_Peace can't come soon enough._

I saw the blur of Edward's light grey shirt through the trees before I could make out his form as he barreled towards the cottage. I put my journal down, replaying the last five words I'd written over and over in my head. _Peace can't come soon enough. _Yes, it was painful to think about my parents and yes there were still a lot of uncertainties but there was one big thing I was completely certain of. I flung the front door open as he approached and he didn't stop is inhuman speed until he'd grabbed me and together we flew across the room. He turned his back and let himself crack onto the wall and take the brunt of the impact. I barely noticed because my legs were already wrapped around his waist and his lips were already burning a trail from my mouth to my neck. We were a tangled mess of limbs as he carried me to the nearest surface, balancing my body on the edge of the couch. He broke from my mouth when I was nearly out of breath and kissed his way down the column of my neck. I leaned back and gave him access and his tongue pressed between his lips as he swiped at the sensitive skin of my neck. I couldn't help but purr and run my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer.

"God, Edward," I managed and he dropped open-mouthed kisses back up my neck and to my mouth, his eyes boring into mine as he kissed me. He broke away and rested his forehead against mine as I tried in vain to steady my breathing. His hands were gripping me fiercely like he was trying to hold me together. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine again, more softly this time and smiled.

"I'm sorry I attacked you," he said softly, with that same bashful look he'd given me earlier. I couldn't understand why all of a sudden he was acting shy. He looked at me intently and then lowered his ear to my heart and I cradled him as he kneeled between my legs, his hands moving to grip my wrists, his thumbs on my pulse points. And then I understood. I'd been so concerned with my own goodbyes that I'd forgotten that Edward was losing something too. He'd watched me as I woke up from sleeping for the last time this morning, trying to memorize the way I looked and now he was trying to memorize how my heart beat in my chest, the sound of my breathing, the feel of my blood rushing below his fingertips. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head and he looked up and gave me a crushed smile, his ear never leaving my chest.

"Will you miss it?" I asked quietly. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair but I didn't dare move and break him out of his reverie.

He was silent and concentrating on my heartbeat and finally answered, "I honestly don't know. I don't think so. I know that all the things I'll get in return will more than make up for this one little thing but it's – it's what made me take notice of you. Out of all of the girls I'd met in my hundred-some-odd years – your blood, your heart was the one that called to me. I won't miss the temptation, I won't miss feeling like I want to kill you occasionally, but I will miss the soft patter that makes me feel like my own heart is beating again. Like if I could just concentrate hard enough I'd be able to jump start mine in time with yours." He turned his head and kissed my chest over my steadily increasing heartbeat and let my wrists fall back to the couch beside me. He kissed his way up my chest, stopping to nuzzle my neck for a moment and drink in my scent and then back to my lips, kissing me softly. "I listened to Charlie like you requested."

My heart hammered in my chest and his eyes were wide with wonderment as he looked back down between us, as though he was hearing it for the first time. "Is he okay?"

Edward looked back up at me and smiled and nodded. "He's okay, Bella. Upset beyond belief of course, but he'll be fine. He spoke to Renee on the phone while I was in the woods listening and she sounded okay too. They are both completely distraught, I want you to know that, I don't want to sugar coat anything, but they're finding solace in each other and in their mates." I let go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding in my lungs and smiled at him through my tears. He cupped my face and ran his thumbs under my eyes to collect the moisture and then brought them to his lips, tasting my tears. I grabbed his neck and kissed him with everything I had in me, smiling against his lips as he snaked his tongue out to feel for mine. "Your second to last request?" he said softly as he pulled away and I nodded against him. He held out his hands to me and pulled me backwards towards our bedroom. He maneuvered me so I sat on the edge of the bed and he leaned down to kiss me then smiled and went to the stereo.

"Oh you picked out music for the occasion?" I joked and he laughed as he leaned down to pick the song he wanted. Etta James's voice filled the room with her rendition of "Sunday Kind of Love." I couldn't help but snort. Edward turned around and his smile immediately fell. "Oh, I'm sorry, you're serious," I said with a smile but he looked crestfallen. I walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his chest before looking up at him. "I'm sorry; you know I always have the incorrect response to romance. It's a lovely song. We just haven't made love to music in so long; it felt a little forced is all."

"I can turn it off," he said softly and twisted around to face the radio. I pulled his arms back and pretended to cuff him. He clearly could have easily gotten out of my grasp but he played along with me, chuckling. I stood on my toes to kiss the back of his neck.

"Don't you dare touch that stereo, Cullen," I said and blew on the back of his neck.

He turned back to face me and his expression was gravely serious as he looked down at me. I felt like his eyes were looking through me and it made me shiver. His eyes traveled the length of my body before he softly wrapped his arms around me, his hands playing with the back of my tank top as he swayed his body against mine. His lips found my ear and they lingered there like a whisper, just barely touching my skin. I tilted my head up and rubbed my bottom lip along the column of his neck causing him to close his eyes tight and breathe deeply. I pulled my arms up and placed them on his shoulders as his hands continued our soft movements together. His fingers fluttered along the exposed flesh of my lower back and then stepped back to pull the fabric over my head. I hadn't bothered to put on a bra after my shower and his expression when he saw my bare flesh was as though he was seeing me for the first time again, all those years ago on Isle Esme. His eyes raked over my body, memorizing every line, every detail. I should have felt embarrassed and exposed in front of him but I felt confident and sexy. After all these years, I knew the thoughts that were passing through his mind as he drank me in and they were as far from judgment as possible. I smiled and reached my hand out for his which he gladly accepted and let me pull him back to me, my arms immediately returning to their rightful place around his neck. I pulled his head down and kissed him deeply, our tongues slowly swirling around one another's mouth, enjoying every unspoken word that was uttered between us. My fingers began bunching his shirt up at the collar and he broke away briefly to pull it over his head and dropped it to the ground. It was my turn now to rake my eyes over his torso, my hands following the slow trail of my eyes, remembering every part of him. If after my change I didn't feel lust for him for quite sometime, I at least wanted to be able to remember what it felt like when I did. He could see my eyes begin to water and tilted my head up to look at him. His finger traced the outline of my lips and he shook his head a little and then leaned down to capture my lips with his again. I sighed into the kiss and pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind, intent on just sharing this moment we had together. I held him around his middle and pressed him as close as possible to my body, his hands snaking down my back and to the waistband of the sweatpants I'd thrown on after my shower. I pulled back from his lips and took a couple of steps back, pulling the sweatpants down along with my panties until they were in a puddle around my ankles. Edward sucked in a breath and closed his eyes briefly before reopening them and letting them drink me in again. I couldn't help smiling at him as he stalked towards me, grabbing my hips brusquely and pressing his lips hard to mine as he dipped me back for a scorching kiss.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured against me and I had to break away from his lips to breathe. I turned my head and kissed his jaw as my hand found the button on his jeans and slowly opened them before pushing them off his hips to join my pants on the floor. Our bodies were completely flush with each other as we stepped out of our puddled clothes and fell together onto our bed, a mass of arms and legs, wrapped completely around each other.

"I need you," I breathed and he nodded, looking down at me as he maneuvered us so my head was resting on the pillows, my knees on either side of him as he hovered over me. The song changed and tears instantly streamed down my face when Edward pushed into me as our song began. I looked into his eyes and felt his intensity, his tormented look as he pushed into me. I wrapped my arms tight around his back and cradled him as he rocked his body into mine, his lips finding purchase on my neck as I held him, his hands grasping my hips to support his thrusts. I clutched the back of his head as he moved, my breath coming in short gasps as he moved in and out of me heartbreakingly slow. "I love you," I whispered into his ear and he nodded against the side of my face. He pulled himself up so he was looking down at me and he pressed his lips back to mine, never closing his eyes, never wanting to miss a second of this. I grasped his shoulders as he began pushing into me with more fervor and I knew he was getting close. "Please," I whispered and he moved his hands under me, grasping my shoulders as he moved with more purpose, angling his hips to hit the places he knew would send me soaring. The tears never stopped as we held each other, my legs wrapping around his waist as he moved, the room silent save for the quiet tones of Ben Folds, our heavy breathing, my moans and his groans.

"God, Bella, I love you so much," he said, his voice sounded like he was a man in despair as he clutched onto my shoulders, his body beginning to shake in my arms. I was there with him, my legs quivering as he continued bucking his hips against mine. I moaned his name and he watched my face intently as I came undone, pushing into me one last time before he stilled in my arms with my name lingering in the air around us. His body slumped against mine, yet he was as careful as ever to not put too much of his weight on me. We stayed connected as I cried and he held me tight, his ear resting on my chest just over my heart, listening intently to the effect he had on me. He finally shifted and leaned up to push my hair out of my face. "That was incredible," he said softly, kissing the streams of tears coming from my eyes. I nodded and smiled through my tears as I tried to push them away and regain control of my emotions. He smiled tenderly and pressed his lips to mine.

"I'm sorry I made fun of your music," I said and he smiled against my cheek.

"It was extremely cheesy, I understand," he said with a smile and I leaned into him, breathing him. "You are exquisite. I can't wait for forever."

I cradled his head as he moved his head back to listen to my heartbeat and ran my fingers through his hair. "Neither can I. I love you. I can't imagine a more extraordinary life." He leaned up and smiled and kissed me again, shifting so he slipped out of me at the same time my stomach growled. I laughed against his lips and broke the kiss. "At least we won't have to be interrupted by that ever again," I said and intertwined my fingers with his.

He kissed my shoulder then sat up beside me. "I should make your breakfast." I reached out for him and he leaned over me, pressing his lips to mine again. "Or not," he said with a grin and cupped my face as he deepened the kiss. I finally pushed at his chest hard enough for him to get the hint and he pulled back.

"We have to stay on schedule or Alice will come bursting through the door and see us like this," I said with a smile. He thought about it briefly then shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in to capture my lips, his hands trailing over my stomach. I grabbed his hand and giggled when he tried to move it lower. "Edward, since when am I the responsible one?" I asked and he laughed and sat up reluctantly.

"Fine, but don't you dare put your clothes back on yet. And also note that I'm not happy about this." He tried to look stern but his face immediately cracked and his smile took over.

"Noted. Now go, the human is hungry," I said pointing towards the kitchen. He chuckled and crawled out of bed and walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

"Um, the chef needs company!" he yelled across the house. I smiled into the pillow and found the strength to move again and walked down the hall towards him, the music still wafting through the cottage. The song had changed when I was otherwise occupied and was replaced by "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Frankie Valli. "French toast, eggs, and bacon," he said putting the plate in front of one of the barstools and motioning for me to sit, I obliged his request. "Made to perfection of course, and with lots of love," he grinned and wiggled his hips as he circled the counter to kiss me. I smiled against him.

"Someone's giddy," I said with a laugh, picking up my fork as he excused himself to our bedroom to retrieve his iHome. He brought it to the living room and set it on the coffee table. "You made an entire playlist?" I asked before shoving an Olympic-sized bite of syrup-soaked toast into my mouth.

He turned and grinned with a nod. "It's all songs that make me think of you. I tried to stay within the confines of the last sixty to seventy years so you'd recognize most of them." He came and sat on the barstool next to me and grabbed my fork and insisted on feeding me. We giggled through my breakfast and through three more songs on his playlist. "How do you feel knowing our next meal will be together?" he asked as he washed the dishes.

I sighed and rested my hands on my folded arms as I watched him. "That's an incredibly comforting thought." He smiled and reached across the counter to cup my cheek as "Crazy Love" by Van Morrison began. His lips mouthed the first words along with the song "I can hear her heart beat from a thousand miles and the heavens open every time she smiles." His eyes searched mine for any hesitance but I felt more at peace in this moment then I had since we started on this path. "I'm ready," I said softly and he smiled and stretched across the counter to kiss me softly.

"We should get dressed and get up to the house," he said as he came around the counter and stood between my legs. I nodded and looked at our twisted fingers. He tilted my head up with our joined hands and leaned in to kiss me again. "Just a few more hours."

"And three more days," I said with a laugh. He pulled me up by my hands and wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked back to our bedroom to get dressed. When we were both in our clothes from earlier, I took one final look around the cottage before he flung me on his back and we ran through the forest towards the house. "Next time I'll run beside you," I said over the rushing wind and he squeezed my knees against his body.

As soon as we got to the house, Alice nearly ripped me off Edward's back and dragged me up the bathroom. I looked back at him apologetically and he just smiled sweetly and shrugged, flitting off to find Carlisle to finish preparations. The bathroom was very reminiscent of our wedding day – every type of buffer and polisher imaginable was spread out across the counter and on the floor. Alice put me in a chair in the middle of the room and immediately got to work.

"Did you let Edward see what I'll look like?" I asked from under my hair as she attempted to smooth it down and curl the ends in elegant little twists.

"Nope," she said, bobby pins between her teeth. "Every time he comes near me I think of Jasper naked and he goes into a different room," she said with a wink. She told me all about her visions as she worked, and reassured me that everything was going to work out just fine, that she hadn't once seen a differing outcome. I breathed a sigh of relief at her words.

"Wow, Bella," I heard Rosalie's voice but I couldn't see her from under my hair. I tilted towards the sound of her voice and tried to peak out from the curtain that my hair formed around my head. "Those shoes are fierce!" I had no idea what she was talking about. I hadn't planned on wearing shoes with the dress as I was just going to be lying in bed for three days. I heard Alice whisper something and I knew it had to be bad.

"Oh God, what did you do?" I asked and Alice and Rosalie snickered and shoved what looked like some sort of torture device under my nose. "How in the hell do you expect me to walk in those?" I asked and grabbed the shoe from her hand, trying to measure the heel against the length of my hand. I estimated it would make me about five inches taller. My heart rate accelerated. "It's a good thing Edward's already planning on changing me, you know I'll probably fall over and crack my head open after taking one step in those things."

Alice told me to hush and said she'd carved out time to teach me how to walk in them. I rolled my eyes and told her they were completely unnecessary. "Of course they're unnecessary, but think of how Edward will look at you in them. The whole inspiration for your look is to showcase your transition from impulsive teenaged girl to a strong confident woman. These heels set off the dress beautifully," said Alice and there was no arguing with her.

"Plus those are some serious fuck-me heels. Edward will flip out when he sees them," added Rosalie. "I'll have to borrow them while you're unconscious," she said to herself. The three of us giggled.

Alice finished up with me, helped me into my dress, taught me how to walk again and then she and Rosalie snuck out of the room and let me have a minute to at my reflection. It was weird to see myself. I looked incredible, probably the best I'd looked since our wedding day and I did feel like a woman, especially in the ridiculous heels I was barely standing upright in. I touched my face and felt my pulse quicken, hyper aware of it at this point. Esme peeked around the door then and smiled at me.

"You look incredible," she said with a smile and pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't you dare cry, Alice will kill us both," she said when she pulled away and caught me wiping away a rogue tear. I smiled and waved my hands in front of my face, willing myself to calm down. "I'm so honored to have you joining our family officially, Bella," she said and took my hands in hers, giving me a warm smile. I turned away from her and tried to keep my composure. She pulled me into a hug again and then released me. "When you're ready, Edward's waiting for you in Carlisle's office."

"Thank you so much, Esme," I said softly and she nodded and quietly exited. I looked back at myself in the mirror and took a long cleansing breath before pushing my shoulders back and leaving the bathroom, glancing back to look at myself one last time.

As promised, Edward was waiting for me alone in Carlisle's office. As soon as I opened the door, his eyes darted to my feet and eyed the black strappy Jimmy Choo pumps, then coasted over my exposed legs, up further as he drank in the blue sleeveless v-neck sheer chiffon dress. The draped ruffle fluttered as I walked as graceful as possible into the room. His eyes finally found my face and his look was unreadable. I felt exposed under his intense gaze and felt the blood rush to my cheeks, causing him to take a sharp breath. I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled, playing with the hem of the dress.

"I tried to be practical. The shoes are Alice's doing of course," I said kicking a heel up and nearly falling over in the process. His eyes were liquid fire and I nervously pushed a piece of hair that had fallen back over my shoulder and stuttered, "It's not as short as Alice wanted, but I wanted to be smart about it. I would guess we'll be hunting immediately so I can at least move a little in this without completely exposing myself. And I considered a white dress but I didn't want the blood to – " I was cut off by his lips on mine, I hadn't even seen him move across the room. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened my mouth to him as he dipped me back, kissing me like it was the last time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me.

"You look – " he paused, trying to find the words then shook his head, "there are no words for how devastatingly astonishingly beautiful you look right now." I blushed and looked away from him. His hand cupped my cheek as he looked at me, his hand gently pulling my face back to look at him. He smiled and leaned in to kiss me softly before we broke apart to the sound of a soft knock on the door. Carlisle peered around the doorframe.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he said with a grin when he saw Edward's eyes still drinking me in, "but we should get started."

I nodded and pulled out of Edward's embrace, putting my arm on his and standing confidently by his side. Carlisle pulled the door open all the way and the rest of our family trickled in, each giving me their approval of my outfit. Alice high-fived me when she walked in, though she had to jump up for it due to the five-inch heels she had me in.

Edward leaned over and kissed my shoulder and I turned to smile at him before he led me silently to the side of the hospital bed and helped me lay down, straightening my dress for me around my thighs, his hand lingering on my exposed flesh. He sat beside me and stroked the side of my face, leaning down to kiss me at intervals. The rest of the room fell away and I felt like we were the only two people in the world. He pulled back from my lips and fresh tears were rolling down my cheeks. I laughed and ran my thumb under my eye. "My last tears," I said softly and Edward took my thumb and licked the moisture off. "Alice will kill me if I mess up my makeup." He laughed and leaned down to kiss my forehead. In the distance I could hear the opening notes of "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. I looked back up at Edward and smiled through my tears. I looked to my right and Jasper and Alice stepped forward and each squeezed my hand. Alice told me not to be scared. Jasper flooded my emotions with happiness. Emmett stood awkwardly beside Rosalie, neither of them very good with showing affection. Emmett took my hand and kissed it and told me to make sure I came back in a couple of days. I smiled through my tears and accepted Rosalie's soft joke that she was going to steal my shoes the second I was out. Then I looked to my left past Edward and reached my hand out to Esme and Carlisle. They stepped forward and took it, each squeezing and leaning down to kiss my forehead. "When you see Renee and Charlie please make sure they know I love them. And that I'm happy." They nodded and Esme beamed down at me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I looked back around the room. "Please say something ridiculous, Emmett. I can't stand this," I said and gave him a pleading look.

He looked agonized but cleared his throat anyway and said, "Um, I can see your nipples." I burst out laughing and thanked him profusely as Edward shot him an unfriendly sneer. I squeezed Edward's hand and he looked back to me and smiled, his eyes sliding down to make sure Emmett couldn't actually see my nipples. I smiled and hit his arm. He leaned down to kiss me tenderly and Carlisle placed his hand on his shoulder.

"It's time, Edward," Carlisle said softly. I looked up at Edward and he leaned down and kissed me so gently I barely felt it.

"Hurry back to me," he said, resting his forehead against mine. I nodded and smiled, leaning up to press my lips to his. He pulled back and stood up straight beside me. Alice and Emmett came around to each side of the bed and strapped my wrists to the bed. Edward looked pained as they did it and I smiled at him and shook my head. As soon as they were done, Carlisle was by my side with the vile of morphine. He flicked the body once and then leaned down and pressed the needle into the vein at the crease of my arm. I clenched my fist and looked away as the needle sank into my flesh. Edward settled back beside me as "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley started.

"Do it now, Edward," I said and grasped his hand in mine. He shook his head and began to explain that it took a little while for the morphine to take effect but I nodded defiantly, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Please, please I want to feel you. Please do it now." I saw him chance a furtive glance at Carlisle and then he turned back to me. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before moving back beside me on the bed, leaning over and brushed my hair off my neck. "I love you," I said softly, looking him in the eye.

"I love you," he repeated, though his voice uncharacteristically cracked. He smiled that same tortured smile I'd seen so many times before as he leaned over me. His lips pressed against the skin of my neck softly at first, kissing me tenderly. He pulled his head back to look into my eyes one last time before lunging forward and sinking his excruciatingly sharp teeth into the skin of my neck. I strained against the cuffs holding my arms to the bed and it felt like my flesh was being ripped from my bones. My entire body convulsed off the bed and in the distance I heard someone scream. And then the inferno began.

* * *

**AN**: Did you cry? I totally cried when I wrote it. I know some of you have been calling for a sequel but right now I don't have any immediate plans to write one. I think Stephanie's version of the immediate post-change events (prior to the whole Volturi thing) is probably exactly what I would write so I don't really see the need. I do have a lot of other ideas from this story though so you may see some additional one-shots, side stories or spin-offs come out of it. Or possibly a sequel set many years into the future.

It never seemed to fit to explicitly say it, but the song that I tease as "their song" while they're making love that last time is "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.

Also, if you're interested, I put a link to Bella's change look as well as Edward's complete love song playlist from this chapter (I only mentioned I think five or so out of the 20+ songs that provided the soundtrack for this chapter).

And finally, the haunting quote from which the title of this story was derived: "Her blood coursed through my veins sweeter than life itself…and when I heard her heart in that terrible rhythm, I knew again what peace could be." – _Interview with the Vampire_

Thanks again for your patience and love through the metamorphosis of this story. It was so fun to write, I hope it was just as fun to read!

**Reviews = Love**


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